"Sentiment! I will not have sentiment interfering with our vital work!"
Lee Mason (Jennifer Jayne)
We're not in Kansas anymore — which is good, because The Gods Hate Kansas. Or at least they do according to the forgotten author Joseph [John] Millard (1 Jan 1908 – 18 Feb 1989), whose thus-titled science fiction novel was first published, in 1941, in Startling Stories (1939-55) magazine and then eventually reprinted, in 1964, by Monarch Books. That's the cover of Millard's only published science fiction novel above, with some pretty groovy artwork by the unjustly overlooked and totally forgotten Jack Thurston (5 or 15 Aug 1919 – 27 April 2017), who went on to create, in 1966, the iconic Raquel Welch poster to One Million Years B.C. (1966 / trailer) below. (A better film then the one we're looking at here, needless to say, if only because of the pulchritude of the make-up-wearing cavebabes.)
Although as an author Joseph Millard wrote numerous novelizations of films (for example, For A Few Dollars More [Tandem, 1967] and Thunderbolt and Lightfoot [Tandem, 1974]), as far as we can tell The Gods Hate Kansas is the only original book of his that has ever been adapted to the screen. One of the first things that probably got jettisoned when the decision was made by producers Milton Subotsky (27 Sept 1921 – 1 Jun 1991) and Max Rosenberg (13 Sept 1914 – 14 Jun 2004) — otherwise known as the CEOs of that beloved and long-defunct production house, Amicus Productions (Robert Fuest's Abominable Dr Phibes [1971 / trailer] & Dr Phibes Rises Again [1972 / trailer], Madhouse [1974 / trailer], The Beast Must Die [1974] and so much more) — was the novel's original title, for unlike the book, the film is set in the rural Cornwall in stiff-upper-lip England. But instead of going for something like The Gods Hate Cornwall, which they surely do, the slightly more marketable They Came from Beyond Space became the film's title.*
*Two years later, when the far more jugular-minded English production house Tigon stole, without giving any credit, half the plot to They Came from Space for their loose and far more abysmal and far more ridiculous and far more cheap-looking and far more unintentionally funny version of the tale, they went with the far-more exploitive title, The Body Stealers(1969 / trailer).
To direct the movie, Amicus turned to Freddie Francis (22 Dec 1917 – 17 Mar 2007), whose directorial projects after the decided flop of his first film, the romantic drama Two and Two Make Six (1962 / scene), are almost all of the horror or science-fiction genre. As to be expected of a director who is also a twice-fold Oscar-winning cinematographer, one really cannot fault the cinematography of They Came from Beyond Space, but other than that the movie doesn't have that much going for it. On the whole, it is hardly as bad (or as fun) as Freddie Francis's worst and most infamous film, Trog (1970 / trailer), but of the seven films in total that he was to make for Amicus between 1965 (Dr. Terror's House of Horrors [trailer]) and 1972 (Tales from the Crypt [trailer]), it vies with The Deadly Bees (1966 / trailer) as his biggest turkey. A mildly enjoyable turkey, perhaps, but nevertheless a turkey — and our version watched, going by the running time of 85 minutes, seems to be the uncut turkey version.
Trailer to
They Came from Beyond Space:
If there is a theme to the movie, a lesson that They Came from Space wants to impart, then (as in The Body Stealers) it is surely "If you want something, don't take, ask." But it is doubtful that scribe Milton Subotsky put too much thought into conveying a message, as he doesn't really seem to have put too much thought into his script. For the most part slow-moving and stodgy, the narrative is populated by too many characters, picks plot points and characters up only to drop them or leave them half-explained, brings in plot-development-important characters much too late and without any proper introduction, and sort of wanders about as if it doesn't really know where it wants to go. It feels very much 1957, not 1967, and the lack of blood, skin or sex, adult language or situations, or (almost) any believable sense of threat often makes They Came from Beyond Space feel less like a serious science fiction film than a kiddy movie. As Subotsky, the film's producer, has sole credit for the script, we would conjecture that there were simply too few cooks in the kitchen, which spoiled the poorly seasoned brew.
They Came from Beyond Space was released in the UK on a double bill with Montgomery Tully's cheesy The Terrornauts (1967 / trailer). Freddie Francis was apt to claim that Tully's film ate so much of the production budget that nothing was left for his film, but truth be told, with the possible exception of the spaghetti-colander helmets introduced towards the end, They Came from Beyond Space really doesn't look any cheaper or worse than some other rural-set genre films of the period, such as the far more respected Island of Terror (1966 / trailer). No, the flaws of the film lie elsewhere...
Like, in the serious miscasting of American Robert Hutton* (11 Jun 1920 – 7 Aug 1994) of as the main hero, Dr Curtis Temple. Hutton, at the age of 47, looks much too old for role: a man of the time when people always looked way older than they actually are, when he starts punching and kicking, it looks less like a man fighting than a persiflage of an agent film, and his visual age make his reputed recklessness (which prior to the film's narrative led to the silver plate in his skull) and taste in cars (a 1924 Bentley!) appear less manly than the possible results of a midlife crisis of a man who looks like he's pushing his late 50s.
*Miscast or not, Hutton, who spent his final days in a nursing-care facility after breaking his back at home, has some fun and cheesy genre films to his name, including The Man Without a Body (1957 / trailer), The Colossus of New York (1958 / trailer), Invisible Invaders (1959 / trailer), Wild Youth (1960 / full movie), The Vulture (1966/ trailer), Torture Garden (1967/ trailer) and, of course, Trog (1970). Of special note, however, is his only directorial credit, in which he also starred, the mind-bogglingly terrible but sort of fun The Slime People (1963 / trailer), and his later screenplay to the dreary and justifiably forgotten British hagsploitation flick with Lana Turner, Persecution a.k.a. The Terror of Sheba (1974 / trailer).
Indeed, why the few women of the film find him worth a second look is unfathomable, for above all he looks like a lecherous grandfather (and not of the GILF sort) when he's around the ladies. One of the beautiful ladies is his right hand at his office, Lee Mason (Jennifer Jayne [14 Nov 1931 – 23 Apr 2006], below not from the film, of The Crawling Eye [1958 / trailer] and Escape by Night [1965 / full film]). As normal in those times when the world was good to real men — and manly white men in particular — she and Dr Temple are a secret couple. Later, after she has been sent down to Cornwall to take a look at some "meteors" that have landed in perfect formation and suddenly drops all contact with him, his worry for her is one of the major motivations of his actions — indeed, when he finally breaks into the huge, newly built underground headquarters of the aliens that have taken over everyone's bodies and minds, he does so above all so as to kidnap her.
And speaking of women who inexplicably give Dr Temple the eye, let's not overlook the woman at the gas station (Luanshya Greer a.k.a. Pamela Greer): she is introduced and given a big build-up as a plot-relevant character with the possible hots for Temple, only to promptly disappear. (She does actually reappear at one point, which proves to be one of the film's better shocks.)
Rather the reverse of the fate of the character Farge (Zia Mohyedden of Work Is a Four Letter Word [1968 / Cilla Black's title track] and Deadlier than the Male [1967 / trailer]), who is basically dropped into the narrative well past midway with no other introduction than Temple saying, "[...] a friend, the only man I know who might possibly believe me." He does, of course, and the two naturally find a way to not just see the "pure energy" aliens and free Lee from their thrall, but realizes that wearing silver spaghetti colanders on the head prevents the aliens from taking over one's mind. And so the three, wearing some really funky-looking homemade goggles and carrying funky-looking ultraviolet-light-shooting guns, set out to stop the aliens by breaking back onto the compound, running into a rocket, and (seriously!) taking a ride to the moon. There they meet the ashen-blue leaders of the aliens, who seem to have stolen their ridiculous robes from some third-rate Italo peplum movie, and the "Master of the Moon" (the great Michael Gough [23 Nov 1916 – 17 Mar 2011]) and... well, it's all rather funny and impossible to take seriously.
But then, most of They Came from Beyond Space is impossible to take seriously, even if some of the concepts are good and would probably work in a better movie, beginning with the old chestnut of mind-controlling aliens. Harder-hitting than that, however, is the sudden introduction of a deadly "Crimson Plague", which comes out of nowhere to first kill a suddenly found ally, Agent Stilwell (Maurice Good [8 Jun 1932 – 10 May 2013 of Murder Most Foul [1964 / trailer] and Quatermass and the Pit [1967 / trailer]), and then quickly obliterate an entire town and spread further. For some inexplicable reason — the silver plate in his head? — the plague never infects Temple, despite his literally being present at Moment Zero at Ground Zero. (Utter bollocks: the scene filmed like a TV news report in which a stiff-upper-lip commentator [real-life BBC newsreader Kenneth Kendall (7 Aug 1924 – 14 Dec 2012)] walks through the plague town explaining the sickness without wearing any hazard suit, mask, or precautions of any kind. And that after it has been established that the plague is also airborne.)
When watching They Came from Beyond Space, one thought cannot but arise in the heads of a viewer: Why don't the aliens just kill Temple? Indeed, at one point Temple even places that question to alien-enthralled lackey Richard Arden (Bernard Kay [23 Feb 1928 – 25 Dec 2014] of The Shuttered Room [1967 / trailer], Witchfinder General (1968], Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger [1977 / trailer] and so much more), but he responds that they have no desire to kill him* — a statement, actually, that contradicts both alien-minded Lee's earlier order that Temple should be shot should he show up at the compound entrance again, and her later direct order to Arden to kill Temple — which, of course, he fails to do because Temple is such a hot-shot fighter. (When she herself has the chance on a deserted country road to do Temple in at one point, she chooses simply to ray-gun him unconscious.) Doing something logical like simply kidnapping Temple in the dead of night or off the deserted country roads and keeping him sedated never occurs to the advanced alien race.
* But releasing a deadly plague that kills a whole town and more, that's okay.
They Came from Beyond Space is a bad film, no ifs or buts about it. It might be well-shot and competently edited, and often the acting isn't too shabby, but the half-baked narrative of the poorly structured screenplay sinks the movie. It is not a movie that really calls to be watched, and even the youngest set might find it illogical and stupid. But when properly mind-addled and in the proper mood, and with a group of like-minded folks, They Came from Beyond Space might offer an evening of mild giggles and laughter and jeers. Those of you who like evenings like that could give the movie a go — keep a lot of liquid mood-enhancer at hand, though — but the rest of the world should look for a different film to watch.
And remember: "If you want something, don't take, ask." (And don't obliterate any towns, either.)
Way back in 1992, four film students in Belgium made the black comedy named C'est arrivé près de chez vous, otherwise known as Man Bites Dog (trailer below), a mockumentary along the lines of Spinal Trap (1984 / trailer) or, to go even further back, the funny Take the Money and Run (1969 / trailer), or to get back to the time of your great-granny, Bunuel's not so funny short Land without Bread (1933 / full short), but with a dark streak and mean bite. The French-language, B&W and extremely low-budget movie concerned a group of documentary filmmakers documenting the life and times of a serial killer. The film, which was rather a critical and financial success in Europe, eventually made its way to the US with an NC-17 rating where it wasn't exactly a hit, and has long since become a cult movie — in 2002, it was even given the stamp of cultural validation: a DVD release (original cut) by Criterion Collection (#165).
Trailer to
Man Bites Dog:
For that, nowadays that movie remains somewhat obscure, but there is little doubt in our minds that former SNL alumni Taran Killam watched the movie somewhere along the line and decided to do an American-style remake: bigger and "better" and in full color. (Aside from the basic concept and structure, both movies also share a major plot twist, if to greater importance in the newer movie.) Whether or not Killam's mockumentary, Killing Gunther, is "better" is open to discussion — for one, it lacks the subliminal social criticism of the original, and two, it is far less in-your-face and boundary-pushing. But, for that it is "bigger": it's in color, is a lot flashier, has a larger cast of killers, a lot more explosions, and a name star in the title role — no one less than a wasted life's favorite hunk o' muscles from the turn of the century, Arnold Schwarzenegger.* (That's him directly below, not from the movie but in his youthful prime, when we would have been happy to bend over or drop to our knees for him.)
*Arnie didn't exactly make waves or show promise as "Arnold Strong" in the bad-film fav Hercules in New York (1970 / trailer), but twelve years later his career took off with Conan the Barbarian (1982 / trailer) and The Terminator (1984 / trailer). It took Batman & Robin (1992 / trailer) and the unjustly reviled Last Action Hero (1993 / trailer) to really put a dent in his acting career, but what crippled it was probably his stint as the governor of California and the yellow-press scandal of his affair and child with a family housekeeper, Mildred Patricia "Patty" Baena, while still married to Maria Shriver. The scandal is more or less passé by now — after all, not being faithful and divorce, like school shootings and grabbing women by the pussy, are national pastimes in the US and have the full approval of the Republican party, and they are the heart and soul and penis of the country — and even if Arnie's name is no longer a guaranteed audience draw, he still has a solid twilight career. In the case of Killing Gunther, his name didn't exactly draw in an audience, and the movie proved to be anything but a success.
Killing Gunther, the "bigger" and "better" and full-color directorial debut of Taran Killam, concerns an assassin named Blake (played by Taran Killam) who, in the name of fame and glory – and, we eventually learn, for another reason that we won't reveal – decides to kill the world's most infamous hitman, Gunther (Arnie). He gathers together a team of fellow likewise fame-seeking killers to help, and forces a group of documentary filmmakers to document the entire undertaking as proof. The problem is, not only is Gunther always a few steps ahead of the hapless group of killers, he seems very much to be playing games with them...
Trailer to
Killing Gunther:
In general, Man Bites Dog might be the movie that deserves greater respect and reputation, but as far as mainstream American action comedies go, Killing Gunther is not all that disappointing as a black comedy. It delivers more than enough grins and laughs, and even surprises on occasion. True, Arnie (i.e., Gunther) doesn't show up until the last hour of the movie, but once he's there he is omnipresent. And, unlike other aged action stars — Mel Gibson and Bruce Willis promptly come to mind — he doesn't phone in his performance. In fact, his Gunther is amazing: an offbeat narcissist with oodles of charisma,* the screen literally lights up whenever he is on it, and despite the fact that he is a major asshole, he proves himself rather likable. Even if Killing Gunther sucked completely (it doesn't), his performance alone would make it worth seeing.
*The last film of his in which Arnie displayed as much cold-blooded narcissism as in Killing Gunther is Pumping Iron (1977 / trailer), but in that docudrama he was hardly funny.
If there is a flaw to Killing Gunther, it is the over-abundance of characters. The team that Blake puts together is as large as it is incompetent, and the result of such a plethora of characters is that few become truly memorable or have a lot to do. The psycho, proto-redneck Russian siblings Mia (Allison Tolman of Krampus[2015 / trailer]) and Barold (Ryan Gaul of Space Station 76 [2014 / trailer] & The Happytime Murders [2018 / trailer]) Bellakalakova, for example, hardly register while alive and are not missed once Gunther kills them. In turn, Izzat (Amir Talai), a former Islamist extremist with technically faulty Iron Man arm, may perhaps be given more attention but his demise is less funny than predictable, while Blake's mentor Ashley (Audrey Sixto) never becomes much more than a running (and thus predictable) joke. Of the tertiary (i.e., expendable for the plot development) members of the team, the funniest is perhaps Yong (Aaron Yoo of Demonic [2015 / trailer]), who kills only with poison and is thus pretty much worthless: he doesn't get much screen time, but every time he does something he instigates giggles or laughter.
And while here are other key parts of the narrative that garner laughter and mirth, an unexpected development of the movie that works rather well is all that which arises between Donny (Bobby Moynihan), the typically chubby (for the US) and incompetent bomber, and Danna (Hannah Simone of the Oldboy remake [2013 / trailer]). What could easily have been a shallow running gag — especially with the involvement of Sanna's helicopter and retired-hitman father Rahmat Fairouza (Peter Kelamis of Turbulence 2: Fear of Flying [1999 / trailer]) — is built upon and expanded, remaining funny till the movie's final scenes.
It is perhaps in its resolution that Killing Gunther does finally lose steam: what appears to be a highly ironic if not downright mean resolution, one in which Blake succeeds only for Gunther to have a post-death final laugh, segues into a final scene that truly insults the viewer and only diminishes the movie.
So, in short: A perfect example of a good movie not ending when it should, Killing Gunther is a blackly humorous action comedy that manages to overcome its flaws and keep you happily entertained until it finally drops its balls during the last scene. Arnie has seldom been funnier, and alone the fun he has with his character makes the movie worth watching, despite the fact that he only shows up after an hour. Whatever Killing Gunther's flaws may be, it does offer 1.5 hours of fun and action, and as such is more than entertaining. It hardly deserves to be the forgotten flop that it is.
To repeat ourselves: Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, Russ Meyer's baroque 1967 masterpiece, one of only two movies he ever made for a major Hollywood studio (in this case, Fox), is without a doubt one of the Babest movies ever made. While we have yet to review it here at a wasted life (if we did, we would foam at the mouth in raging rave), we have looked at it before: back in 2011, in our R.I.P. Career Review of Charles Napier (12 Apr 1936 – 5 Oct 2011), and again in 2013 in our R.I.P. Career Review for the Great Haji (24 Jan 1946 – 10 Aug 2013) — both appear in the film — not to mention in almost every Babe of Yesteryear blog entry the past 1.5+ years. Today, however, we finally come to the last Babe in the movie, the legendary Cynthia Myers.
"This is not a sequel. There has never been anything like it!" Advertisement tagline
In Haji's entry, we wrote, among other things, more or less the following: "Originally intended as a sequel to the 1967 movie version of Jacqueline Susann's novel Valley of the Dolls (trailer), Meyer and co-screenwriter Roger Ebert instead made a Pop Art exploitation satire of the conventions of the contemporary Hollywood melodrama, written in sarcasm but played straight, complete with a 'moralistic' ending that owes its inspiration to the Manson Family murder of Sharon Tate and her guests on 9 August 1969. Aside from the movie's absolutely inane plot, the cinematography and entire mise en scene are also noteworthy — as are the figures of the pneumatic babes that populate the entire movie. For legal reasons, the film starts with the following disclaimer: 'The film you are about to see in not a sequel to Valley of the Dolls. It is wholly original and bears no relationship to real persons, living or dead. It does, like Valley of the Dolls, deal with the oft-times nightmare world of show business but in a different time and context.' [...]
Russ Meyer films are always populated by amazing breasts sights, but Beyond the Valley of the Dolls literally overflows its bra cups with an excess of pulchritude that (even if usually somewhat more demurely covered than in most of his films) lights the fires of any person attracted to women of the curvaceous kind that preceded today's sculptured plasticity. The movie is simply Babe Galore. And so we continue our look at the flesh film careers of the breasts women of the Babest Film of All Times, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. The amplitude of the women's breasts roles is of lesser importance than the simple fact that they are known to be naked in it somewhere, and so far we have looked at the cleavage known unknowns and mildly knowns in the background and the headlining semi-knowns in the front for way too many semi-monthly blog entries — but the rear end is nigh. Our blog entries focus on the women's nipples careers in film, if in a meandering manner, and with this entry here we have finally finished drooling with the project.* *One set of love pillows Babe we don't look is she who is an American National Treasure: the Great Pam Grier. (Above with Cissi Colpitts, on the set of the movie.) Though she had her film debut in Beyond the Valley of the Dolls unseen somewhere in the background of the opening party scene (imdbcredits her as "Fourth Woman") and therefore should be included, we feel that a Wonderment of her caliber deserves an entry all of her own — a Sisyphean task we might one day undertake. Marcia McBroom has said in the past that she and Grier were roommates at the time, and that both auditioned for the role of Petronella Danforth [Dreams Are What le Cinema is For...]. McBroom may have gotten the part, but Pam Grier got the career in the biz.
So far, we have looked at the T&A careers of the following women of Beyond the Valley of the Dolls:
Going by the credits on the original poster of Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, the three main characters of the movie — despite a cast and structure that is reminiscent of an ensemble movie — are the female members of the music band around which the entire movie revolves, The Carrie Nations. For all three women, it was their first (and last, actually) lead role.
John Waters discusses the music of Beyond the Valley of the Dolls:
Kelly MacNamara (Dolly Read), the lead singer, we looked at a few months ago; last month, we looked at the band's drummer, Petronella Danforth, played by the beautiful Marcia McBroom, the only women of the three that did not do a centerfold for Playboy; and now, we look at Casey Anderson (Cynthia Myers), the lead guitarist.
Cynthia
Jeanette Myers was born in Toledo, Ohio, on 12 September 1950. Her
father, Joseph R. Myers, was killed in a car accident when she was four so she
and her sister Tana and brother Lance were raised by her grandparents John
& Jeannette,
mother Mary,
and extended family of diverse aunts and uncles. She started to develop her
famous curves when she was 13, and began modeling (bikinis and bathing suits)
at 14. By the age of 15, she knew that one day she would model for Playboy, and in 1967 a family friend
named Gerald "Jerry"
Halak, for whom she modeled at auto shows, convinced her to send a
bathing suit picture to Playboy. Playboy's assistant picture editor Marilyn
Grabowski told her to keep in touch. While on holiday in Miami —
where, among other things, she made but never kept an appointment with Bunny
Yeager — Playboy contacted
her and of she went to Chicago for a test shoot shot by Pompeo
Posar. Since she was only 17 at the time, Hefner decided that their
publication had to wait until she was the legal age of 18 — so they saw the
light in December 1967.* Cynthia on
seeing her centerfold for the first time: "I didn't realize that my boobs
were that big! [...] I'd never seen them from that angle. Wow! No wonder people
were looking at me that way! It must have been hard for all those boys when we
were walking down the school hallway, for them to keep their mind on math and
geography! Really! No wonder the girls hated me. My goodness, they must have
thought, if that’s normal, how in the world am I going to grow that much in six
months or a year? I definitely didn't set the norm for female figures!** [Wayback
Machine]" After graduating from Woodward High School
and an extended intermezzo in Chicago, she made it to Hollyweird, eventually
starring in Beyond the Valley of the
Dolls. Hooking up with her less-talented costar Michael
Blodgett, she let the career momentum of the hit movie slide
(depending on the source, either while Blodgett didn't want her to pursue an acting
career — ah, the fragile ego of the male — or because they simply had too much
fun for her to get serious). By 1981, without an acting career and a broken
engagement behind her (more on that below in the entry on Beyond the Valley of the Dolls), she took off alone on a car trip
and, along the way, met a man named Mike Spence when asking for directions to
Lake Mead, who ended up asking her to go fishing with him. Marriage and a son,
Robert, followed, and Cynthia disappeared in domestic bliss for the next couple
of decades, eventually reappearing as a friendly and fan-appreciative regular
at Glamourcon. Unluckily, illness and
family tragedy was to follow: "Cynthia Myers, Playboy's Miss December 1968 and one of the Top 100 Centerfolds of
the Century passed away from cancer Saturday November 5th [2011] at approximately
2 a.m. after a year-long illness that she suffered in silence as she, also,
cared for her husband who, also, had cancer and died in September just a little
over a month before she herself did. She is survived by her son, Robert, and
his wife, Bridget. Unfortunately, due to both parents illnesses there is no
funding for a Chapel to hold the Memorial Service, nor for Cynthia's cremation.
[Victoria Valentino
@ Fundrazor]"
*Confession time: Cynthia Myers was the first woman we fell
in love with. We were just out of bed-wetting age when we stumbled upon our
father's December 1968 copy of Playboy,
and when we opened it to the centerfold something strange happened — probably
not for the first time, but the first time that we remember. She forever
remained our favorite centerfold, beating out many a Playboy beauty we subsequently saw or discovered later in life in the magazine
and elsewhere, including Anna
Nicole Smith, Alana
Soares, Roberta
Vasquez, Marilyn
Cole, Marguerite
Empey, and Joni
Mattis & Victoria
Valentino (who eventually helped raise funds for Cynthia Myers
cremation) & Saundra
Edwards— the last three
centerfolds having, along with Cynthia, probably the most beautiful eyes to
appear in Playboy.
**Trivia time. Although Cynthia Myers was of impressive measurement (39"
DDD-cup), an earlier Playboy
centerfold with less aura holds the record for the "statistically biggest
Playmate bust in Playboy's history" (note: not cup, but bust): the British
model Rosemarie Hillcrest, Miss October 1964, "a direct descendant of
William the Conqueror of England [Playboyplus]"
measured in at 41DD.
The Lost Continent
(1968, dir. Michael Carreras & Leslie Norman)
Around the time that her iconic Playboy centerfold made its debut, Cynthia Myers supposedly appeared in her first feature film, a Hammer movie — a "fact" even given in The Encyclopedia of Hammer Films and in Little Shop of Horrors #34, the latter of which claims she even listed "way down at the bottom of the cast list". She supposedly plays a nameless "Native Girl" and, as is the case with the great Pam Grier and her uncredited feature-film debut in Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (1970), you don't see her anywhere.
If, that is, she is even in it, which we here at a wasted lifeseriously doubt. Time to use some deductive thinking here. The Lost Continent was filmed in September 1967, when Cynthia Myers (born 12 September 1950) would have just turned 17 years old in Toledo, Ohio, busy riding horses and modeling, or maybe on vacation in Florida, and her centerfold was just being shot. And she is also in Great Britain making a Hammer film? And then never talks about the experience, ever? Don't think so. More likely, some other "Cynthia Myers", probably native to the British Isles, played that "native girl" and then disappeared back into her anonymous life. (More on this topic further below, in They Shoot Horses, Don't They? [1968].)
Also known as The Dying Sea, The People of Abrimes, and Lost Island; this Lost Continent is not to be confused with two other, earlier movies, 1951's tacky Lost Continent (trailer / full movie) and the early proto-mondo documentary The Lost Continent (1955 — poster & music below).
Music to
Continente Perduto:
No, this Lost Continent features that well-used trope of the trials and tribulations of a group of people shipwrecked on a mysterious island, in this case located amidst another trope, the unmoving seaweed of the seaweed-choked Saragossa Sea. Both ideas were common to fantastic fiction long before the prolific British author Dennis [Yeats] Wheatley* (8 Jan 1897 – 10 Nov 1977) tossed them together in his 1938 novel Uncharted Seas, on which scriptwriter "Michael Nash" — otherwise known as Michael Carreras — based his movie script. In the first scene in the boat's interior, Dr Webster (Nigel Stock [21 Sept 1919 – 22 Jun 1986] of Night of the Generals [1967 / trailer]) can be seen reading Wheatley's Uncharted Seas... which, according to page 260 of The Encyclopedia of Hammer Films, doesn't include "the far-fetched Spanish Inquisition subplot" concocted by Carreras. *Wheatley's 1934 novel The Devil Rides Out was, also in 1968, filmed by Hammer as The Devil Rides Out and, to the considerable incomprehension of a wasted life, enjoys a reputation as a good movie.
Director Michael Carreras (21 Dec 1927 – 19 Apr 1994), btw, was also one of the heads of Hammer and as such had his fingers in many films, including The Curse of Frankenstein (1957), The Horror of Dracula (1958 / trailer), The Mummy(1959), The Brides of Dracula (1960) and Vampire Circus (1972). For The Lost Continent, he had originally pulled in director Leslie Norman (25 Feb 1911 – 18 Feb 1993), whose best known movie is surely the one he co-directed with Joseph Losey, X the Unknown (1956 / trailer), which was scripted by Jimmy Sangster. Again according to page 260 of The Encyclopedia of Hammer Films, "Carreras sacked director Leslie Norman after he went over schedule and £38,000 over budget" and finished the film himself. Released roughly a month earlier in the US (19 June 1968) than in Great Britain (27 July 1968), the US version was shorn of about 6 to 8 minutes of "mature" material to get a G rating. The Lost Continent proved to be a financial and critical flop, and quickly sank into oblivion.
Trailer to
The Lost Continent:
"The Lost Continent is a mishmash of boat-set soap opera-cum-disaster movie (a la The Poseidon Adventure [1972 / trailer]), science fiction lost civilisation rubbish, and killer seaweed-on-the-loose nonsense that defies belief. Whether it's a bona fide horror film is a debatable point — but a quick look at the posters for the thing reveal that back in the late 60s, what would these days be seen as a laughably poor kiddie's film actually qualified for an X certificate. [...] It's a slice of 60s kitsch which fails to interest anyone, as it falls so resolutely between every genre Hammer made a success of that no-one's bothered about it. [British Horror Films]"
In their shredding review, BHF overlooks (or chooses to ignore) the fact that The Lost Continent has long since gained cult popularity for being a camp slice of highly enjoyable badness.
Many naysayers to the movie have a problem with its schizophrenic nature. As Films from Beyond points out, "In its first hour, the film effectively anticipates a 70s-style disaster movie, introducing the viewer to an assorted cast of troubled characters who sail into a perfect storm of intrigue, jaw-dropping screw-ups and nasty weather. [...] With only a little over a half hour left in its running time, the film abruptly changes course into high fantasy-adventure territory. [...] As time and the movie's limited budget run out like the sands of an hourglass, The Lost Continent throws everything and the kitchen sink at the characters and the audience."
The plot, as found at Mondo Digital, which claims the movie "veers constantly from one popular drive-in style to the next, leaving the impression of a particularly disjointed comic book designed by 14 year olds on acid": "En route to Caracas, the aforementioned steamer passengers all decide to keep going despite the threat of an oncoming hurricane. The usual suspects are all here, including a mysterious foreign movie star (Hildegard Knef [28 Dec 1925 – 1 Feb 2002] of Murderers Among Us [1946] & the WTF Witchery [1988 / trailer below]) and an insatiable, back-talking blonde (Suzanna Leigh [26 Jul 1945 – 11 Dec 2017] of Lust for a Vampire [1971 / trailer] & Deadlier than the Male [1967 / trailer]) under the thumb of her hypocritical father (Nigel Stock). Obviously these less than brilliant folks get what they deserve and run smack into the storm, which leaves them stranded on an island populated by the forgotten descendants of Spanish conquistadors. The boat is carried along by self-propelling, living seaweed to the high court, where a strange boy king (Daryl Read [19 Sept 1951 – 22 Jun 2013] of Five Have a Mystery to Solve [1964 / scene]) oversees his crazy hordes. Lots of action ensues, little of which makes any sense, before a number of rubbery giant crustaceans show up. Giant crabs! Giant lobsters! Big hot air balloons! And some gratuitous sex scenes! How on earth will it all end?"
Trailer to
Witchery (1988):
"Granted, it's totally ridiculous and immensely silly, and granted that the melodrama is piled on with a sledgehammer; yet that somehow adds to Continent's appeal. [...] The filmmakers have so much fun setting up this strange world and the exploring it that it's rather contagious — so much so that most viewers won't mind the crudity of some of the special effects. Continent is a good picture to approach on a rainy day when the viewer has just popped some corn and feels like something that will make him feel like a wide-eyed 10-year-old again. [Craig Butler @ All Movie]"
For the sake of fairness, a voice of dissatisfaction: "What ultimately drags the film down, though, is its wildly uneven pacing. The story starts off like a disaster film [...], but it shortchanges the fantastic segment of the story, and, consequently, the ending feels rushed and perfunctory. Add to that, the characters act almost exactly like they did before anything bad happened to them [...]. I suppose you could chalk it up to the legendary British 'stiff upper lip,' but it just comes off as baffling and unsatisfying. Not even the appearance of [17-year-old] Dana Gillespie (and let's face it, she does little more than fill the standard Hammer quotient of buxom beauties, with her cleavage a special effect unto itself*) can make the film worthy of any serious praise. For a film titled The Lost Continent, it gives very little indication that it cares enough to actually be about the Lost Continent. [The Gentlemen's Blog to Midnight Cinema]"
*Dana Gillespie, quoted in The Encyclopedia of Hammer Films: "I had a agent back when agents did things for you, and I remember him sending me along to Hammer to test for The Lost Continent. I think they wanted me because of my tits. I have always been big-busted and not surgically enhanced, as it would have been crazy to get them that big anyway."
Dana Gillespie sings
Andy Warhol:
Somewhere along the way, The Lost Continent was regularly the main draw on a double feature with Young and Eager, which some might remember under its original title, Claudelle Inglish. Based on the 1959 novel by the poor man's William Faulkner, Erskine Caldwell, the movie, directed by Gordon Douglas, was originally released in 1961. B&W white rash meets full color monster lobsters...
Scene from
Claudelle Inglish:
Anyways, The Lost Continent, the movie that Cynthia Myers is not found in, was still being screened as late as October 1969 — for example, at the Eastside Drive-in in Terre Haute, Indiana, where it was incongruently paired with the much older and far more obscure — as in virtually impossible to find nowadays — sexy-time flicks Lollipop (1964 / title track) and Naked World (1963 / music below). Naked World is actually the Italian shockumentary Mondo Nudo, while Lollipop is the English-language name for the Brazilian exploitation flick Asfalto Selvagem.
Teo Usuelli's theme to
Mondo Nudo:
They Shoot Horses, Don't They?
(1969, dir. Sydney Pollack)
In the days before #MeToo, as is obvious by many a feature film or TV movie from back then, it was considered normal for men to pursue women half their ages. So, the concept that a 55-year-old movie star like Burt Lancaster (2 Nov 1913 – 20 Oct 1994) — seen below when he was still a young uncircumcised spud — might have a fling with an 18-year-old raised, at best, only jealous eyes amongst other men. (What women thought really didn't matter, did it? Vote Republican and help keep it that way.)
In an interview now gone from the web, Cynthia once said she met Burt at a "political convention in Chicago" and, elsewhere, "I was introduced to Burt Lancaster through a girlfriend in Hollywood"; where they met is perhaps immaterial, but in the end she thought "What a wonderful man!" and, ultimately, "It was sort of a long, quiet relationship. We'd discuss my acting coach and Hollywood in general. The trappings you can fall into. He was very kind that way."
Burt also spoke to director Sydney Pollack (1 Jul 1934 – 26 May 2008) and, well, as Cynthia said: "They gave me a role as one of the marathon dancers during the Depression. The shooting of the film took almost three and a half months. Not bad for my first picture, where most people get one or two days work! All these talented people — Jane Fonda, Red Buttons, and Gig Young really impressed me."
So, in They Shoot Horses, Don't They? Cynthia plays an unnamed marathon dancer. "She originally had some dialogue, including one scene in the ladies'
restroom where Susannah York’s character has a nervous breakdown.
Unfortunately, since the picture was running long, this scene was cut. [Steve Sullivan in Bombshells: Glamour
Girls of a Lifetime]" If she has any other scenes in the movie, they must be super-short: she is as noticeable in They Shoot Horses, Don't They? as Pam Grier is in Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.
Trailer to
They Shoot Horses, Don't They?:
That said, note the statement: "Not bad for my first picture [...]." In other words, seeing that her normally alleged first picture, The Lost Continent, was both shot and released prior to this movie, if Horses was her first movie, then she wasn't in the Hammer movie, The Lost Continent, despite the improbable lore claiming otherwise.
But to return to They Shoot Horses, Don't They? The original novel was written by the mostly forgotten novelist and screenwriter Horace [Stanley] McCoy (14 Apr 1897 – 15 Dec 1955): "Horace McCoy is one of the great unheralded writers of the hard-boiled school. Most everyone has heard of Dashiell Hammett, Raymond Chandler, and James M. Cain, but McCoy's novels are rarely in print nowadays. One of his best novels, They Shoot Horses, Don't They? [cover above] was widely regarded as a minor masterpiece upon its original release in 1935. But over the ensuing years it gradually disappeared from bookstore shelves. Maybe it was too bitter.* Maybe it was too unrelenting in its depiction of a depression-era dance marathon. They Shoot Horses, Don't They? presented us with a dark and violent world where people were readily exploited for the pennies that they might bring in from a viewing audience. [...] While most of the hard-boiled writers dealt with serious issues only in oblique fashion, McCoy confronted issues head-on. And he didn't pull any punches. The results certainly weren't pretty. So even during the heyday of film noir, Hollywood typically avoided McCoy's novels. Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye (trailer below) was filmed in 1950 by Warner Bros. with James Cagney in the lead role, but not until nearly two decades later was another McCoy novel filmed.** [Images Journal]"
*Someone named Lee J. Richmond, quoted in Wikipedia, says: "With the exception of Nathaniel West's Miss Lonelyhearts and The Day of the Locust, McCoy's novel is indisputably the best example of absurdist existentialism in American fiction." **Not quite true... not long after Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye, McCoy co-scripted the subpar movie Bad for Each Other (1953 / trailer) with Irving Wallace; although not credited, the movie is based on McCoy's novel, Scalpel (1952).
Trailer to
Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye:
The first script for They Shoot Horses, Don't They? was written by Barbara Steele's then husband James Poe (4 Oct 1921 – 24 Jan 1980), who wanted to do a low-budget version with her in it. In the end, the directorial chores were given to Sydney Pollack, who pulled in scriptwriter Robert E. Thompson (3 Nov 1924 – 11 Feb 2004) to do a rewrite, and the stars became bigger names. The result was a huge financial success that received nine Oscar nominations.
The plot: "During the Great Depression, a grueling dance marathon offers a glimmer of hope to the impoverished and unemployed folks who enter it with their eye on the $1,500 prize. What sounds like a potentially uplifting underdog tale is instead an utterly bleak drama that rightly paints America as a land in which the poor will always be exploited for the amusement of everyone higher on the economic ladder. Or, as the sleazy MC (an excellent Gig Young [4 Nov 1913 – 19 Oct 1978] of A Black Ribbon for Deborah [1974 / music] and The Shuttered Room [1967 / trailer]) notes, '[Audiences] just want to see a little misery so they can feel a little better about themselves.' In the role that definitively allowed her to transfer from sex kitten to serious actress, Jane Fonda (of Walk on the Wild Side [1962 / trailer] and Spirits of the Dead [1968 / trailer]) headlines as one of the most bitter of all the participants; co-stars include Michael Sarrazin ([22 May 1940 – 17 Apr 2011] of Feardotcom [2002 / trailer]) as her soft-spoken dance partner, Susannah York ([9 Jan 1939 – 15 Jan 2011] of Franklyn[2008] and Images [1972 / trailer]) as a British actress attempting to hold onto her glamour, Red Buttons ([5 Feb 1919 – 13 Jul 2006] of The Ambulance [1990 / trailer] and The Poseidon Adventure [1972 / trailer, with Leslie Nielsen]) as a middle-aged sailor, and Bonnie Bedelia (of Needful Things [1993 / trailer]) and Bruce Dern (of The Glass House [2001] and Bloody Mama [1970 / trailer]) as a pregnant participant and her husband. [Film Frenzy]"
"[They Shoot Horses, Don't They? is] arguably even more relevant today than when it was released thanks to the normalization of reality TV and rapid-fire manufactured celebrity [...]. It's also a key early entry in the wave of '20s and '30s nostalgia pieces that would become prevalent in theaters for the first half or so of the '70s, setting a nightmarish tone that would only be surpassed by another harrowing, almost-horror look at Depression-era California, The Day of the Locust (1975 / trailer below). All of the actors are in top form here, with Young easily earning his Oscar as one of the darkest and most complex ringleaders you'll ever see. (The actor's ultimate horrifying fate nine years later also gives this film and especially its finale an extra chill.*) The incredible derby sequences, with contestants forced to run in circles with the three slowest couples eliminated at the finish line, are particularly memorable and intense (with Pollack himself jumped in to capture some of the hand-held footage), and the film isn't afraid to go into some pitch-black places that still shock today (especially the fate of Buttons' character and the unforgettable closing minutes). [Mondo Digital]"
*Like so many people, including ourselves, Gig Young was a lifelong alcoholic — something, allegedly, that indirectly led to him losing the part of The Waco Kid in Blazing Saddles (1974 / trailer). Married five times in total, at the age of 64 he married his fifth and last wife, the 31-year-old Kim Schmidt (30 Nov 1946 – 19 Oct 1978), on 27 September 1978, whom he had met while in Hong Kong working on his last movie project, the Bruceploitation film Game of Death (1978 / trailer). Three weeks later, in their apartment at The Osborne in Manhattan (205 West 57th Street), for reasons unknown — the alcohol-induced death of his career, perhaps? — Young shot Kim in the back of the head, killing her, and then shot himself through the mouth. He left no note, so the why remains but speculation.
Trailer to
The Day of the Locust (1975):
The extremely pop-arty poster to the movie found below is the original poster used to the German Democratic Republic (as in: the Germany behind the Iron Curtain), and is by the successful illustrator Thomas Schallnau. His poster work was often extremely colorful, if not even inappropriate for the film in question (as is the case here). For an even more WTF poster, take a gander of the racist poster he did for Beverly Hills Cop (1984).
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
(1970, dir. Russ Meyer)
Trailer to
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls:
The plot, as found at AFI: "Tired of playing to high school audiences, Kelly (Dolly Read), Casey (Cynthia Myers), and Pet (Marcia McBroom), members of a rock trio, travel to Hollywood, California, accompanied by Harris Allsworth (David Gurian), the band's manager and Kelly's lover. There, they are befriended by Kelly's Aunt Susan (Phyllis Davis), an advertising executive, who, despite the misgivings of her lawyer, Porter Hall (Duncan McLeod), decides to share with Kelly the family fortune. At an orgy the band is discovered by the effeminate entrepreneur host, Ronnie 'Z-Man' Barzell (John La Zar), who rechristens them 'The Carrie Nations.' Among lovers quickly acquired at Ronnie's party are Lance (Michael Blodgett), a boorish gigolo, who enters into a liaison with Kelly; Emerson (Harrison Page of Carnosaur[1993]), a law student who wins Pet's love; and Roxanne (Erica Gavin), a lesbian designer who captures Casey's heart. As the celebrated trio perform on national television, Harris, distraught by Kelly's infidelity and Casey's impregnation by him, hurls himself from the catwalk. He is rushed to the hospital, where Dr. Scholl (Dan White) informs Kelly that Harris can look forward to life as a paraplegic. Realizing that Harris is her true love, Kelly devotes herself to his care. Touched by Casey's plight, Roxanne arranges an abortion. Ronnie invites Lance, Roxanne, and Casey to a private party, at which costumes are distributed. Dressed as Superwoman, Ronnie attempts to seduce Lance, who is attired in a loin cloth. Rejected, Ronnie binds the gigolo. After revealing that he is, in fact, a woman, Ronnie bears her breasts, brandishes a sword, and chops off Lance's head. She then plunges a gun into the sleeping Roxanne's mouth and fires. Terrified, Casey phones her friends, who rush to her rescue but arrive too late. As Emerson and Kelly attempt to subdue Ronnie, the gun discharges, killing the transvestite. During the fray, however, the crippled Harris is miraculously cured. In a triple wedding ceremony, Kelly and Harris, Pet and Emerson, and Aunt Susan and an old love are united."
The Carrie Nations —
In the Long Run:
The eternally woke Trans Male Resources, which thinks Beyond the Valley of the Dolls to be "a bloody awful movie" and "badly written, badly acted, and badly directed", points out something that we, too, always found odd about Casey's narrative arc (though, in truth, it can be seen as satirizing how similar events were handled on most TV shows): "I hope you aren't fond of the young lesbian in this film (Casey), because she's the woman raped by Harris. He gets his happy ending, whereas she and her girlfriend are shot in the head, their violent deaths almost immediately forgotten when the rapist regains the ability to walk and is therefore the centre of everybody's attention. Seriously, it's absurd how fast his miraculous physical recovery makes everyone forget that the women have been killed."
The Carrie Nations —
Look on up at the Bottom:
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls does, in the end, satire or not, infer that if you are a lesbian or get an abortion, you gonna die... which fits the times of 50 years ago and the current Republican mindset. "What we end up with, ultimately, is a classic LGBT+ double whammy; Bury Your Gays plus the spooky threat of a trans pervert stalking and killing poor, helpless, feminine cis women. And the trans pervert, of course, is murdered. The cishet characters are left to enjoy their happy endings without any of the queerness which corrupted their storylines. [TMR]"
John Waters on
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls:
Years ago, Casey herself, in an interview at retroCRUSH, once shared a variety if titbits tidbits. For one, she was approached first for — and seems to have barely missed — the casting of Vixen! (1968, see Erica Gavin): "I heard rumors [Russ Meyer] was friends with Mr. Hefner from the old days when Eve Meyer was a playmate. [...] I guess Russ saw my picture and he tried to contact me. That's when I was traveling between Chicago and the Playboy after Dark show. I either didn't get the message or maybe it was sent to me and I was rushing out the door for the airport. I think he was casting Vixen! I finally did get the message when he was doing Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. That meeting went well and then there was a screen test. I decided I better find a place to live out here, I'm going to shoot a movie in two weeks. I stayed and it turned out to be a very fun, interesting adventure."
Also from the movie —
Strawberry Alarm Clock's Girl from the City:
As for the famous lesbian romance and sex scene that the two most beautiful females of the movie share: "I had never had any lesbian experiences before [filming]. What made it okay with me and where I was comfortable is that I like Erica. She's a great lady and a nice person. I didn't know that [she had a crush on me]. I blushed when she told me that. I just thought she was an extraordinary actress. I didn't have a clue. I was naïve. [retroCRUSH]"
One shadow that lay upon the filming of the on-screen romance was cast by one of the minor (and long disappeared) Babes of Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, Bebe Louie: "There were certain days were I'd say, 'We're going against the storyline here. You're supposed to be pursuing me.' There were times that she was a little bit late coming to the set or I'd see her talking to Russ. Then I found out. Erica would say well, 'BeBeis staring at us. That's the girl I've been dating.' I'd look over and I'd get this terrible evil eye from this girl I didn't even know. I thought, 'How rude! We're trying to make a good film here and you want to throw a wrench in today's shooting by staring me down.' It wasn't professional for her to do something like that. Since she knew her, Erica should have said, 'This isn't the time or place to pout.' [retroCRUSH]"
As far as a wasted life is concerned, the biggest pale regarding Cynthia Myers involvement with Beyond the Valley of the Dolls is that she subsequently hooked up* with her male costar Michael Blodgett who, at the time, was still married (29 August 1964 – 29 September 1978) to his second wife, Sandra Jo Kirchner. The website Travalanche, citing a website that is now a virus repository, reports that Cynthia Myers "lived a time with Michael Blodgett: according to [the website that is now a virus repository], she was persuaded to retire from the business by [...] co-star Michael Blodgett,** with whom she was romantically involved until 1977." So, much as with Dolly Read (whose husband convinced her to stop acting), thanks to the fragile male ego of Michael Blodgett, Cynthia Myers squandered whatever momentum Beyond the Valley of the Dolls might have given her career...
* "It was short, extracurricular activity to break the daily monotony. Actually, there was nothing monotonous about anything. [retroCRUSH]"
**Elsewhere, it is written: "But Ms. Myers said she tired of the Hollywood scene and of repeated inquiries by movie makers who wanted her to do nude scenes. So she eventually faded from the spotlight, fell in love with the West, and married an Air Force pilot who met her fishing one day and asked what she was using for bait. [Toledo Blade]"
As for the household name Michael Blodgett (above, in Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, just before he gets killed), he ended his renowned and successful acting career in 1978 with the critically acclaimed message movie Disco Fever (trailer below) and moved into scriptwriting, working on critically acclaimed screenplays for Oscar contenders like Rent-A-Cop (1987 / trailer) and The White Raven (1998 / trailer)... and then he died, like you will, too, one day.
Trailer to
Disco Fever (1978):
Let's hear it for the fragile ego of men — or, maybe, for lame excuses to get out of getting married: "At the end of the 1970s, while living in Marina del Ray, Cynthia was engaged for two years to an orthopedic surgeon named Richard. 'It was serious enough that I began taking classes in what would have been a four-year program to become an X-ray technician, mainly so I could spend more time with him.' But the relationship ended under startling circumstances. 'One day I noticed that a local theater was showing Beyond the Valley of the Dolls at midnight, and I suggested that we go see it. He knew about my background, but not a lot. During my scenes in the movie with Erica Gavin I could tell from his body language that he was uncomfortable. When we walked out of the theater he looked crushed, as if his Labrador had been run over by a truck. He looked at me and said, "Did you have an orgasm with Erica?" He said, "I know you pretty well, and I know I could never satisfy you like Erica did in the movie." I tried to lighten the mood by saying, "You've paid me a great compliment as an actress. I thought [the orgasm] would be good for the scene." But instead of being proud of me as an actress or appreciating it as a hot movie scene, his masculinity was threatened. Making love with him after that was never the same, because he felt he could never match Erica. He told me, "I'll always love you, but I've got to break off the engagement." I cried for weeks afterward, but I got over it.'[Cynthia Myers in Steve Sullivan's Bombshells: Glamour Girls of a Lifetime]"
Devil's Canyon
(details unknown)
Other possible titles of this unfinished and lost movie are Cactus and Devil's Choice. Not to be confused with Devil's Canyon (1953 / trailer), poster above. Over at Miss Meyer, some interesting information is given: "After taking one of the leads in Russ Meyer's feature, Cynthia would appear in two more films in supporting roles [...]. First up was Devil's Canyon, a Mormon production that unfortunately was never completed."
Over at Internet Archive's Wayback Machine, we found that the Cynthia
Myers Official Web Site once wrote the following about the
never-completed production: "Bob Fuller (Repossessed [1990 / trailer,
with Leslie Nielsen], Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice? [1969
/ trailer],
Death in a Red Jaguar [1968 / German
trailer] and The Brain from Planet
Arous [1957 / trailer])
starred as the town marshal, and Nick Cravat
([11 Jan 1912 – 29 Jan 1994] of The
Island of Dr. Moreau [1977 / trailer])
played an old miner who is trying to protect his gold strike claim. Cynthia was
the miner's daughter who sought to help him. 'Nick Cravat was Burt Lancaster's
old partner and when he learned Burt was a friend of mine he told me all sorts
of great stories. I also got to ride a horse during the Indian attack in the film.'
An unusual element of the film was its Mormon
production company, Iron Door Films. 'They wanted good G-rated entertainment.
So there was none of the old, "Can you please pull your dress front a
little lower?" or "Can't they rip your skirt off in the fight scene?"
It made me feel good that I could concentrate on acting.' Unfortunately, the
film was never completed. 'Bob fuller was called away to begin shooting the TV
show Emergency with Julie London
(26 Sept 1926 – 18 Oct 2000). The film had already gone way over schedule
shooting in Marble Canyon, Arizona. They changed the ending, but it was never
finished.' Considering the promise that Cynthia had shown in Dolls, it's a pity that we were unable
to see how she handled such a prominent dramatic role."
Molly and Lawless John
(1972, dir. Gary Nelson)
Released in December 1972. Leonard Maltin describes Molly and Lawless John as a "slow-moving but not-uninteresting feminist Western". One or two websites laud the movie, which flopped, as the first Western to be told from a woman's point of view, but to say that ignores some fun Westerns like Rancho Notorious (1952 / trailer) or Johnny Guitar (1954 / trailer) or The Furies (1950 / trailer) or Hannie Caulder (1971 / trailer) or...
In her younger days, Cynthia Myers was a competitive horse-rider, so she definitely does her own riding in this, her second — and last — credited and speaking part in a feature film. She plays the typically hot-looking Western prostitute named Dolly Winward, the main honeybox of Lawless John. Indeed, as Cynthia explains: "Vera Miles was looking for a pretty girl to be the love interest of a man she was interested in and I got the job."
The movie's lead female actor, Vera Miles (of BrainWaves[1984]), supposedly had the script for three years before she could finally get it made. Molly and Lawless John is the feature-film directorial debut of Gary Nelson (6 Oct 1934 – 25 Ma 2022), who usually did TV but now and then would release a feature film like Santee (1973, with Dana Wynter), Freaky Friday (1976, with Karen Smith), The Black Hole (1979 / trailer) and Allen Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold (1986 / trailer).
Molly and Lawless John —
the full film:
Every 70s Movie, which elucidates that "Molly and Lawless John explores the limited choices available to both criminals and women in the Wild West, thereby telling a story with aspects of class and gender, rather than the typical Western themes of male identity and personal honor," also has the plot: "Captured following his participation in a violent bank robbery, Johnny Lawler (Sam Elliott of Legacy [1978 / trailer], Frogs [1972 / trailer] and The Man Who Killed Hitler and then Bigfoot [2018 / trailer]) gets thrown in jail by foul-tempered Sheriff Marvin Parker (John Anderson [20 Oct 1922 – 7 Aug 1992] of Walk on the Wild Side [1962 / trailer] and Cotton Comes to Harlem [1970 / trailer]). Parker's put-upon wife, Molly (Vera Miles), is tasked with providing the inmate's meals while Parker is away on business, and she finds herself fascinated by the handsome prisoner. Sharing his fears about being executed, he touches her heart, so she reveals painful truths about her loveless marriage. Convinced they've bonded, she helps John escape, and their next adventure begins. Revealing more would diminish what little surprise the film offers. Suffice to say that life on the run isn't what either of them expected, especially when they happen upon a stranger in trouble and become unlikely caretakers for an innocent."
A "failing in this picture is the direction, by Gary Nelson, who produced a picture so slow that it is catatonic. The runtime of 98 minutes should have been cut by at least 20, if not more. The limited plot simply can't take it. We have extremely lengthy scenes that can often only be described as tedious. [Jeff Arnold's West]"
For that Molly and Lawless John has "a whole lot of Sam Elliott being an asshole. [...] This is Sam Elliott as a lying, manipulative man who doesn't give a crap about anyone but himself and goes around acting like a dick until it finally catches up with him — and you're not sad about it. With that said, if you like all things Sam Elliott, this drama is a fascinating departure from his usual Western fare. He's so young (just 28 years old) that he doesn't even have his trademark moustache! It's not a must-see movie or anything, and is actually quite depressing. There's no joy you'll get from this viewing. But it's not the worst way you could spend a weekday evening. [I Review Westerns]"
Hamburger Hill
(1987, dir. John Irvin)
Between his Schwarzenegger flick Raw Deal (1986 / trailer) and his Patrick Swayze flick Next of Kin (1989 / trailer), director John Irvin snuck in this independently produced and well-received Vietnam film, supposedly featuring the feature film debuts of Michael Boatman (of The Shade [2023 / trailer]), Dylan McDermott (of Hardware [1990 / trailer] and Mercy [2014 / trailer]), Michael A. Nickles (of 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag [1997 / trailer] and The Hidden II [1993 / trailer]), Harry O'Reilly (of The Cable Guy [1996 / trailer]), Tim Quill (18 Oct 1962 – 25 Sept 2017), Courtney B. Vance (of Final Destination 5 [2011 / scene] and The Last Supper [1995 / trailer]), and Tegan West (of Tobe Hooper's Spontaneous Combustion [1989]).
"Hamburger Hill is a very good movie that has the misfortune to drop just a few weeks after Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket (1987 / trailer) and just a few months after Oliver Stone's Platoon (1986 / trailer) won the Oscar for Best Picture. [...] It hangs just below the other two films in terms of quality, but one shouldn't judge the film for its timing. Director John Irvin seems to know exactly the kind of film that he is making. He wants it to balance somewhere between honoring the veterans of the Vietnam War and encompassing their experiences, not with Hollywood grandeur but with the hellish tone that was the trademark of this particular war. Based on the book by Jim Carabatsos, Hamburger Hill is a little more matter-of-fact than Platoon and a little less symbolic than Full Metal Jacket. It uses the infamous battle of Hill 937 as a metaphor for the futility of the war as a whole. [Armchair Cinema]"
Famously enough, Cynthia Myers' December 1968 centerfold is considered one of the top ten Playboy centerfolds of the 20th century, and she was also one of the most popular even when her spread first came out. Oddly enough, however, the far more generic blonde Connie Kreski (9 Sept 1946 – 21 Mar 1995), centerfold above, was subsequently the Playmate of the Year for 1969. (The vote must surely have been fixed.) Cynthia's centerfold was very popular amongst the soldiers in Vietnam, with her receiving hundreds a letters a month from them (all of which she would answer herself). And thus it merely historically accurate that her centerfold is seen somewhere in Hamburger Hill. But there was a reason for its popularity beyond her girl-next-door innocent expression, noteworthy beauty and unique pulchritude: "Cynthia's Playmate issue made history as the
only one sent free to all G.I.s in Vietnam, so her impact on American soldiers
— to this day — was without equal. 'I got so much mail, [...] they had to put it in storage units. I wrote
every soldier back that I possibly could. I didn't have a desk large enough to
organize everything, to make sure I got the right picture in my Lana Turner
dress together with the letter. So I bought a picnic table, laid everything out
there, and took five hours every evening to write letters and tried to say
something personal to each fan. I wanted to do it, since they were there
fighting for us.'[Steve Sullivan's Bombshells: Glamour Girls of a Lifetime]"
"'You'd think that 1968 was a long time ago, that she'd be long forgotten, and while some have been ... she hasn't,' said Rocky Rakovic, associate editor at Playboy. Part of the reason has to do with timing and the fact that Ms. Myers' December issue was embraced by soldiers during the Vietnam War. 'Cynthia Myers pinup was one of the few things keeping them company in the jungle,' Mr. Rakovic said. 'It was almost like their girlfriend on the go.' [Toledo Blade]"
Philip Glass —
music to Hamburger Hill:
The Siege of Firebase Gloria
(1988, dir. Brian Trenchard-Smith)
Vietnam now proven to be a financially viable topic for a theatrical release, everyone soon was doing one, including the eternally underappreciated journeyman Brian Trenchard-Smith, the director of craptastic films like Turkey Shoot (1982 / trailer), Dead End Drive-In (1986 / trailer), Night of the Demons 2 (1994 / trailer), Leprechaun 3 (1995 / trailer) & Leprechaun 4: In Space (1996 / trailer).
The plot, as supplied at the 2,500 Movies Challenge: "The Tet Offensive is underway, and the U.S. Army's upper echelon has ordered Sgt. Maj. Hafner (R. Lee Ermey [24 Mar 1944 – 15 Apr 2018] of Willard [2003] and The Terror Within II[1990]) to lead his men to Firebase Gloria, an outpost that's in danger of falling into enemy hands. After wrestling control of the firebase away from its drug-addicted commanding officer (John Calvin as CO Williams), Hafner, with the help of his subordinate, Cpl. Di Nardo (Wings Hauser of The Wind [1986 / trailer], Mutant [1984 / trailer] and so much more) and the firebase's 1st Sgt. Jones (Albert Popwell [15 Jul 1926 – 9 Apr 1999] of Cleopatra Jones [1973] and The Peace Killers [1971, with Lavelle Roby]), prepares for an all-out attack by the Viet Cong, which is gathering en masse in the nearby forest. Though his forces outnumber the Americans by five to one, the Viet Cong commander, Cao Van (Robert Arevalo [6 May 1938 – 10 Aug 2023]), remains cautious, telling his troops that they must take Firebase Gloria before the U.S. can send in reinforcements. As difficult as their task may seem, Hafner and his men vow to protect the firebase for as long as they can, knowing full well that doing so may ultimately cost them their lives."
Teaser to
The Siege of Firebase Gloria:
"With Trenchard-Smith at the helm, and with Wings front and center, backed beautifully by Ermey, [Nick] Nicholson ([19 Apr 1952 – 11 Aug 2010] of After Death: Zombie 4 [1989 / trailer, with Jeff Stryker]), [Henry] Strzalkowski, and the rest of the cast, it can't fail to be a thoughtful, well-made, entertaining movie that is patriotic, but not obnoxiously so. It simply shows the soldiers in Vietnam as real, human men, put in an impossible situation, against insane odds, and attempting to survive and return home to their families. [Comeuppance Reviews]"
Somewhere along the way, commanding officer CO Williams (John Calvin of Critters 3 [1991 / trailer]) shares a gander at Cynthia Myers's December 1968 Centerfold.
"[...] What can I say but HOLY FUCK!! [...] This is such an over-the-top wild, gory and insane film if I ever saw any!!! It's actually an Australian-Filipino co-production filmed in the Philippines. [...] The film is basically about this almost forgotten American outpost in the Viet Cong backland. They haven't got enough men and there's 2000 Viet Cong ready to run them over. This isn't a review but let me just say this: there isn't one boring moment in The Siege of Firebase Gloria. You should watch it! [When the Vietnam War raged... in the Philippines]"
Playboy Playmates: The Early Years
(1992, writ. Bill Callejas & Steve Silas)
Less a video documentary than an hour-and-half-long advertisement and Playboy masturbatory ego-boost. Like fellow Carrie Nations member Dolly Read, Cynthia Myers is represented with her pictorial and archive footage. Yawn.
Money Talks
(1997, dir. Brett Ratner)
The
feature film directorial debut of Brett "I am not a predator" Ratner.
This one isn't found on any online filmography of Cynthia Myers that we
found, but while reading Steve Sullivan's entry on Cynthia Myers in his
book Bombshells: Glamour Girls of a Lifetime, we couldn't help
but notice the following paragraph: "And now [Cynthia Myers] is ending a
quarter-century hiatus from acting. While taking refresher courses in
acting technique at a local university, she is reacquainting herself
with her profession by accepting roles in television [...] and in the
film Money Talks, starring Charlie Sheen."
If that be true, well, once again she is apparently about as noticeable as Pam Grier in Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, for Cynthia Myers is never mentioned anywhere in anything written about this action comedy starring two of a wasted life's least favorite actors, Charlie Sheen and Chris Tucker (not to mention Heather Locklear).
Plot, as found at Exploding Helicopter: "An unscrupulous TV reporter (Charlie Sheen of Machete Kills [2013 / trailer], The Wraith [1986 / trailer], The Boys Next Door [1985 / trailer] and Grizzly II: Revenge [1983 / German trailer]) engineers the arrest of a small-time conman Franklin Hatchett (Chris Tucker of The Fifth Element [1997 / trailer])
to create a story for his news channel. But as the luckless thief is
being taken to jail, he's unwittingly caught up in a prison break when a
criminal kingpin (Gérard Ismaël of Immoral Women [1979 / trailer])
is sprung from chokey. The famously unforgiving LA police, mistakenly
believing him responsible for the death of several officers, vow to
bring in the hapless crook 'dead or alive' (with a pointed emphasis on
the dead). Hunted across the city and desperate to prove his innocence,
the wronged felon turns to an unlikely source of help: the shady
journalist who landed him in this mess in the first place. The
perfidious pair partner up. Can the criminal clear his name? Will the
heinous hack get an exciting exclusive? Will this movie avoid shoddily
mining every single buddy cop cliché in the book? No."
Trailer to
Money Talks:
"Although Tucker's work in Friday (1995 / trailer) and Rush Hour (1998 / trailer) seem to be what he's best remembered for, Money Talks is
a true gem of the era thanks in part to him. Tucker carries most of the
film with his comedic charm and outlandish antics, but credit also has
to be given to Sheen for playing the straight man role rather well. As
far as the supporting cast, the villains seem to be there solely for the
action sequences, because we never get any type of backstory or
character motivations aside from the fact that they want the diamonds.
[...] [Bulletproof Action]"
Playboy: 50 Years of Playmates
(2004, dir. Scott Allen)
This time around, a 1.25-hour-long documentary that also functions as an advertisement and Playboy masturbatory ego-boost. Cynthia Myers is represented with her pictorial and archive footage. Yawn.
Strip de velours / Velvet Strip
(France, 2005)
A television documentary originally made for and broadcast on the French/German cultural broadcaster, Arte, and according to most online sources Cynthia Myers makes an appearance in it somewhere. "Steeped in the legends of the golden age of burlesque and its glamorous stars, the creators of the Velvet Hammer burlesque revue have reinvented striptease — an art form all too often left to the pornographers. Freed from the dictates of fashion magazines, the dancers express their personalities and assert their femininity through the revived art of burlesque striptease. The result is a sensitive, thoughtful exploration of the reasons for the neo-burlesque movement. Forget the clichés, forget about voyeurism — this is a quest for seduction and glamour, and a revolt against Puritanism and the porno culture that is stifling Western youth. [Arte Sales Catalog]"
And according to Film Doc: "In Los Angeles, the 15-dancer Velvet Hammer thumbed its nose at the Hollywood canons, reviving a vanished genre: burlesque. 'To be glamorous when there is no more glamour.' [...] These young women, aged 20 to 35, who define themselves as 'pariahs', consider their show an act of rebellion and claim their femininity through striptease. They are thus defying the diktat of fashion magazines and the sanitized canons of mass culture in the middle of the entertainment capital of the world. For the founder of the troupe, Michelle Carr, alias Valentina Violette, initiator of the New American Burlesque in 1996, the first criterions for going on stage is to want to and to enjoy it. This documentary films three weeks during the life of the Velvet Hammer before a performance. Not to be missed: the breathtaking rotating breast act of Tura Satana, 64, former burlesque star and retired heroine of Russ Meyer (Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! [1965 / title track])." This documentary was made by men. Frenchmen, to be exact: Jean-Marc Barbieux, who went on to make Strip-O-Scope (2005 / full documentary), and Christian Poveda (12 Jan 1957 – 2 Sept 2009), a Spanish-French journalist and documentary filmmaker who "was shot on a road 10 miles north of the capital of San Salvador, as he drove back from filming in La Campanera, a poor, overcrowded suburb [Frontline Club]".
The End of The Babes of Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.
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