Hey! Happy Easter. Here's a short
film chosen not only because we find it funny and entertaining, but because
it's that time of year when people think bunnies. And candy. And candy makes
you fat. And this short film has a fat man and a bunny — a bunny with guns,
actually. And that's a concept we find almost as good as Nude Nuns with Big Guns (2010 / trailer).
Directed by some guy named John Fitzpatrick, who
cowrote with some other guy named Tyler McCoy, this version of Lagomorph: The Destructor is the "director's
cut". We don't know what's up with Tyler, but John resides in Los
Angeles with his wife and producing partner Sarah. (We
couldn't find out the name of his wife.)
Lagomorph: The Destructor went on to spawn a web series of
short films about the Phantom Rabbit Hitman, image above, which seems to have lasted 13 episodes
between 2010 and 2014. (You can watch them here.)
Lagomorph: The Destructor is an obvious homage to that snoozer of a Michael Man film, Collateral (2004 / trailer), but better. (It also includes an homage to Psycho [1960 / trailer], actually: can you find it?)
There's no real story in this short, if you get down to it, but it is fun and weird and
seasonally appropriate — which makes it a perfect Short Film of the Month for A Wasted Life. Watch and enjoy. We did.
(Spoilers.) When we uncovered the unopened,
plastic-wrapped, German/English-language DVD — "Exxklusive Sonderedition
mit Dog Tag" [Exclusive Special Edition with Dog Tag] — to this assumedly obscure
movie at the bottom of a pile of 50¢ DVDs at a thrift store on Mallorca, the
title, headlining cast, and overall trashy look sang a Circe song that demanded
we buy it. A quarter-of-a-year later we finally watched it, and what can we
say: one should never trust Circe. And we should have left the DVD where we
found it.
That the movie ever got a cinema release is
almost unbelievable; what is not is that its cumulative gross in the USA was
only $6820 — and that at a supposed budget of $25 million. OK, worldwide it may
have finagled a bit more than 2 million, but that too is hardly a good return
on the initial investment. (A career-killing flop, one might think, but
director Simon Hunter, whose only prior feature-film directorial credit was the horror film Lighthouse
[1999 / trailer],
not only came back with a feel-good drama entitled Edie in 2017 (trailer),
but seems to be currently working on a comic book-based vampire & zombie
flick entitled Last Blood.)
In regards to where the 25 million was
spent, the final product leaves one wondering. The cast surely could not have
cost all that much, not even the noticeably slumming and disinterested John Malkovich,
who shows up to ask for a paycheck. The special effects, maybe, though
definitely not the CGI blood, which looks very much, well, like poorly rendered
CGI blood. One can't help but wonder what good the 25 million could've done had
it been used sensibly, like as a donation for worthy causes.
Visually, Mutant Chronicles is
reminiscent of so many other green-screen-based movies ranging from Sky Captain
and the World of Tomorrow (2004 / trailer)
to Sin City (2005 / trailer),
or The Spirit (2008 / trailer)
to Sucker Punch (2011 / trailer),
all of which are far more entertaining and interesting. It's aesthetics, in
turn, are very much of the steampunk cum dieselpunk style found in Sky Captain,
Sucker Punch, or even Dark City
(1998 / trailer).
So, though set in the 28th century, after the near incomprehensible
introductory explanation ala David Lynch's Dune (1984 / trailer),
which almost incomprehensibly sets up all the background information needed for
the movie to start where it does, the story begins amidst the trenches of a
WWI-style war waging against two of the four business conglomerations that now
rule the Earth, in a world that is capable of building airships that can fly to
Mars but coal is still used to power the said ships.
And it is during this war somewhere on the European
continent that the excessive shelling breaks open some long-buried spaceship
from a long-forgotten war back when men still used swords. The war between the
conglomerates goes to hell when the mutants start pouring out, killing and
converting human beings faster than the average zombie-bite victim becomes one
of the undead. Among the many who fall, Capt. Nathan Rooker (Sean Pertwee of Dog Soldiers
[2002 / trailer]
and Botched
[2007 / trailer]),
whose heroics allow Maj. 'Mitch' Hunter (Thomas Jane of Nemesis
[1992 / trailer]
and Pawn Shop Chronicles [2003 / trailer])
to escape with his prisoner, Lt. Maximillian von Steiner (Benno Fürmann of Anatomie
[2000 / German trailer]
and Pornorama [2007 / German trailer]).
And though the conglomerations join forces to fight the common enemy, all seems
lost…
And this is where Mutant Chronicles
goes all Dirty Dozen (1967 / trailer), The Wild Bunch (1969 / trailer), Nam's Angels aka The Losers (1970 / trailer)
or any other film of the kind in which a disparate group is brought together
for a suicide mission. Inspired by the prophesies in an ancient, holy tome, the
titular "Mutant Chronicles", Brother Samuel (Ron Perlman of Sleepwalkers
[1992 / trailer]
and much more), the current head of the religious order that long ago
vanquished the mutants, gathers a disparate group for a suicide mission.
Needless to say, both Mitch and Maximillian are there, as are an odd assortment
of other male and female characters whose characterization, for the most part,
is established alone by sex and ethnicity or one or two lines of dialogue. (In
other words: characterization is null.) The lack of memorable characterization
is a flaw, of course, for as they die one-by-one over the course of the
mission, no death proves to have a punch or seem to matter for no
identification is ever established. (Interestingly enough, and perhaps as to be
expected, the only two black characters of the movie that speak, Capt. John
McGuire [Steve Toussaint] and Captain Michaels [Pras Michel], are among the
earliest to die.)
Not that the lack of characterization is
the biggest flaw of the movie; Mutant Chronicles is, after all, neither a
woman's film nor prestige project, it is an action movie based on a role-playing
game created in 1993. No, the biggest flaw of the movie, aside from its general
murkiness, occasionally confused editing and excessive use of close-ups, is
that it totally lacks tension and is simply never exciting. That is primarily
due to the by-the-numbers, predictable script supplied by Philip Eisner (Event Horizon
[1997 / trailer]),
which is as full of holes as it is of lame dialogue, fails miserably at getting
the viewer emotionally involved in either the action or the characters, and is all
about an idiotic mission that would only be seen logical in a third-rate comic
book.
And what is the mission? The group should
make their way to the heart of the mutant machine to reinstall a device that
may or may not be a bomb and to which the lost key has to be found somewhere
along the way, but only god knows where. And which also has to be installed by
"the chosen one", though who that might be no one truly knows either.
Brother Samuel hopes/assumes he is the one, but the viewer quickly realizes
that the savior must be Thomas Jane's Mitch, for despite his hard,
fuck-the-world attitude, he does one too many good deed along the way not to
be Good Guy Numero Uno.
When not dampened by too many close-ups or
rendered almost incomprehensible by crappy editing, Mutant Chronicles
occasionally proves to be a visual treat in the excessive way so many digital
backdrop movies — see Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, Casshern
(2004 / Japanese trailer),
and Immortel (Ad Vitam)
(2004 / trailer)
— tend to be. But the flashes of eye candy are not enough to save the movie, the
script of which definitely needed a lot more polish and a few less characters.
One script mistake that sent us into fits of laughter
was that of the reappearance of Sean Pertwee's Capt. Rooker — days, weeks
months after he falls in the field — being dragged through underground tunnels
to the mutant-making machine that lies below the field where he originally
fell. This gives Rooker and Mitch time for commiseration in what should be a
touching and/or shocking scene, but the inanity of the distance and timing is
too hilarious to overlook: the mutants dragging him to his fate obviously
really got lost along the way.
(Major spoiler — don't read if you plan to
watch the movie.) About the only thing that is truly good in the movie is the
last scene, a scene that tips the entire movie into pure, cynical irony. The
last shot of the mutant structure hurtling through space reveals that the whole
mission was basically pointless and a farce, for by actually fulfilling the
mission, the Dirty Less-than-a-Dozen may have saved the planet but not the
remaining human race, for all those evacuated to Mars — including the wife and
daughter of Capt. Rooker, whose safety was so important to Mitch — are revealed
to be doomed in the final seconds of Mutant Chronicles.
"A mostly unsung titan has passed." The great
Umberto Lenzi has left us! In a career that spanned over 30 years, the Italian
director churned out fine quality as well as crappy Eurotrash in all genres:
comedy, peplum, Eurospy, spaghetti westerns and macaroni combat, poliziotteschi,
cannibal and giallo.
Italian title: Il trucido e lo sbirro, aka Tough Cop,
another poliziottesco featuring Tomas Milian and Henry Silva. Co-written by Italo-trash scriptwriter extraordinaire Dardano Sacchetti. Milian went on to play his
character here, the tough good-guy Sergio Marazzi (a.k.a. "Monnezza"),
the following year in Stelvio Massi's Destruction Force (1977 / German trailer)
and then sort of again in 1978 in Lenzi's Brothers Till We Die (1978), where he
had a double role replaying (sort of) "Monnezza" and Vincenzo
"Il Gobbo" Marazzi, aka "The Hunchback", from Lenzi's Rome
Armed to the Teeth (1976), which we look at after this movie. In English,
the "Monnezza" becomes "Garbage Can", while in the German
release he's called "Makkaroni" (i.e., Macaroni).
Little known fact: Walter Hill took the basic premise of
this movie as the basic premise of his 1982 hit buddy film 48 Hours (trailer):
a cop who has no time to solve a problem takes criminal out of jail for
assistance. Beyond that, however, there are no other similarities.
Italian trailer to
Free Hand for a Tough Cop:
So Sweet… So Perverse
finds the movie fluffy but fun: "Not too much story here, more a
collection of set pieces, but Lenzi keep things going fast & funny. There
are quite a few hold-ups and robberies, but it never gets too serious, with Millian
basically being a comic-relief character with a terrible wig [and black
eyeliner]. There are also a lot of familiar faces in this film, including
Luciano Rossi (28 Nov 1934 – 29 May 2005) and Giovanni Cianfriglia."
[Who?]
The plot? Well, to loosely translate the German plot
description found at Zelluloid
of the German release, it should be as follows: Sergio Marazzi (Tomas Milian),
aka "Macaroni", is a crafty private investigator who doesn't always
follow the law to the line. That's why he's in jail. Commissioner Antonio Sarti
(Claudio Cassinelli) is dealing with a bunch of gangsters led by the
charismatic Brescianelli (Henry Siva) which has already committed a bunch of
crimes. They kidnap the young and seriously ill daughter, Camilla (Susanna
Melandri), of a friend of his who needs a special medicine every 48 hours or
she'll die. Because the clock is ticking, there's no time for ordinary police
methods. Sarti gets Macaroni out of jail, who then infiltrates the
Brescianelli's gang. What Macaroni experiences over the next two days convinces
him that Brescianelli must die — no matter at what cost.
The little girl actress, Susanna Melandri, who in 1975 played
Henry Silva's daughter in Umberto Lenzi's version of Death Wish (1974 / trailer),
L'uomo della strada fa giustizia / The Manhunt (1975 / see Part III),
also appeared in the horror flick in Un sussurro nel buio / A Whisper in the
Dark (1976 / an Italian trailer)
the same year as she did in this movie here, but she seems to have then left the film biz. Claudio Cassinelli (29 Sept 1938 – 12 July 1985), who died ten
years after this flick in an on-set helicopter accident in Page,
Arizona, while filming a scene in Sergio Martino's Vendetta dal future aka Hands
of Steel aka Vendetta From the Future aka Atomic Cyborg), can also be found in Slave of the Cannibal God
(1978), among other fun films.
Claudio Cassinelli died
for this movie:
Rome Armed to the Teeth
(1976, dir. Umberto Lenzi)
Italian title: Roma a mano armata, aka Assault with a Deadly Weapon(a re-edited version
released by Terry Levene), Brutal Justice, The Tough Ones and a dozen other
titles. Co-written by "Bert Lenzi" and Italo trash scriptwriter extraordinaire
Dardano Sacchetti. Tomas Milian plays Vincenzo "The Hunchback"
Moretto, a role he played again two years later, in 1978, with the new last
name of "Marazzi", in Lenzi's Brothers Till We Die (1978), where he
had a double role playing both "Hunchback" and "Monnezza", the
latter from the previously looked at Free Hand for a Tough Cop (1976).
The slumming American actor of the movie this time around is
the character actor Arthur Kennedy (17 Feb 1914 – 5 Jan 1990), a familiar face
from movies such as Too Late for Tears (1949 / trailer),
Rancho Notorious (1952 / trailer),
The Desperate Hours (1955 / trailer)
Day of the Evil Gun (1968 / trailer),
The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue (1974 / trailer)
and Nine Guests for a Crime (1977 / trailer),
among many.
Sybil Danning's Adventure Video —
Intro to Rome Armed to the Teeth (1976):
Cosi Perversa
offers a very terse synopsis: "A tough, violent vigilante cop (Maurizio
Merli [8 Feb 1940 – 10 Mar 1989]) makes it his mission to bring to justice a
machine-gun-carrying, hunchback killer (Tomas Milian) by any means
necessary."
Eric Reifschneider @ Blood Brothers
raves "Rome Armed to the Teeth has everything an Italian cult fanatic
wants: Great cast, great score, fast-paced action and hyped-up uber violence
and sleaze provided by director Umberto Lenzi. It may not be as serious or
classy as the works of Fernando Di Leo but it's perhaps more entertaining and
more memorable thanks to Lenzi's adrenaline, amped-up approach."
Italian trailer to
Roma a mano armata:
Celluloid Highway,
however, may call the movie "extremely enjoyable and entertaining"
but was nevertheless far less pleased: "[…] Lenzi himself is never the
best thing about his films. His 1976 poliziotesschi flick Rome: Armed to the
Teeth is a very good working example of this. Without a doubt the most
distinctive aspect of this production is its cast. The film is led by Maurizio
Merli […], who by this point was a veteran of the cycle, and could do the
tough-guy cop routine in his sleep. The supporting cast includes excellent
turns from Tomas Milian, Arthur Kennedy, Ivan Rassimov, and Giampiero Albertini
[…]. The film's second most distinctive feature is the superb musical
contribution of Franco Micalizzi, and then maybe… and it's a big maybe, we
might put the direction of Lenzi third. [….] Its main weakness lies in a
typically abysmal and nonsensically plotted screenplay by Dardano Sachetti. I
have even less respect for Mr. Sachetti than I do for Mr. Lenzi; I consider him
to be the architect of the some of the worst crimes against the written word in
cinematic history. […] I've lost count of the number of times that Lucio Fulci,
for example, has got it in the neck for misogyny or incompetent narratives,
only to see the name Dardano Sachetti on the writing credits. Rome: Armed to
the Teeth is almost totally devoid of plot, it's episodic and contrived; it
rambles along from one violent incident to another without any purpose. The
basic structure of this film is set piece in arrangement; a violent or an all
too frequently sickening crime, followed by Commissioner Tanzi's (Maurizio
Meril) sudden manufactured appearance, followed by a high-octane car chase
around the streets of Rome, followed by the apprehension, beating up of, or
murder of the culprits, followed by an interrogation depending on whether the
criminal has survived Tanzi's style of policing, followed by an early release
for the criminal and Tanzi's self-righteous raging at the system. This would be
fine were it not for the fact that this basic structure is repeated at least
five times during the film."
Violent Naples
(1976, dir. Umberto Lenzi)
Italian title, Napoli violenta; aka Violent Protection and
Sudden Justice. Written by prolific Italo co-scribe Vincenzo Mannino (6 Apr
1930 – 1999), whose numerous projects include the flawed cult fave starring
David Hess,
House on the Edge of the Park (1980 / trailer).
Violent Naples is the second of a trilogy of "cop on the edge" movies
starring Maurizio Merli as the Italian Dirty Harry (1971 / trailer),
Commissioner Betti. As such, it was preceded by Marino Girolami's Roma violenta
/ Violent City (1975 / German trailer)
and followed by Marino Girolami's Italia a mano armata / Cop Hunter (1976).
Mario Caiano's 1977 movie Napoli spara! / Weapons of Death (trailer),
also with Maurizio Merli playing a man named Betti, is an unofficial fourth
film to the series. (Marino Girolami [1 Feb 1914 – 20 Feb 1994], by the way,
also directed the fun cult disasterpiece Zombi Holocaust /Dr Butcher, MD
[1980 / trailer],
while Marino Girolami [13 Feb 1933 – 20 Sept 2015] directed the semi-classic
gothic horror, Nightmare Castle [1965 / trailer].)
Music to
Violent Naples:
Blood Brothers Reviews,
who says that "Merli [...] has played this same role so many times that he
could do it in his sleep", has the plot: "Inspector Betti (again
surviving getting shot in the back with a machine gun at the end of A Special
Cop in Action [i.e., Cop Hunter]; remember continuity isn't a large concern for
Italians) gets transferred to Naples to clean out the crime that is overtaking
the city. Crime is so bad that he is nearly mowed over by a mob car moments
after getting off the train. His methods are violent and brutal, controversial
with his superiors but it gets the job done. In order to break down the
protection racket bankrupting local businessmen (Patrick Barry Sullivan [29 Aug
1912 – 6 June 1994), also of Planet of the Vampires [1965 / trailer]),
Merli takes on the local mob with deadly results."
At 10K Bullets,
some guy named John White says, "Violent Naples is breathless stuff. It
flies along with protection rackets, rape, armed robberies, murdered
informants, and breakneck chases on motorbike and even on the top of tram.
Merli gets his men one by one by fair means and foul but always entertainingly.
Lenzi is often at home with the cruelty and his approach to morality owes more
to Michael Winner than any serious intent, but he is inventive. The killing of
one informant by tying him to a bowling lane is particularly creative and the
villains big and small are all characteristically repugnant. [...] This is pure
exploitation Euro Crime done brilliantly with a fine script and a tempo that
any director would be proud of."
Also on hand as a slimy criminal is the great John Saxon (born
Carmine Orrico, showing massive pubes as a teen above) of too much fine trash to
mention, including the original Black Christmas (1974 / trailer),
Cannibal Apocalypse (1980 / trailer),
Blood Beach (1981 / trailer),
the original A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984 / trailer),
and Death House (1988 / trailer),
the last of which he also directed.
Trailer to
Sudden Justice:
Death Rage
(1976, dir. "Anthony M. Dawson")
Supposedly the movie was inspired by the Charles Bronson
movie, The Mechanic (1972 / trailer),
it's aka Anger in His Eyes and, in Italian, Con la rabbia agli occhi — another
rare project on which (according to imdb) Umberto Lenzi acted a producer, so
who knows to what extent he was actually involved in it.
Trailer to Death Rage:
"Anthony M. Dawson" is, of course, the well-known
pseudonym of that other unsung director of quality Italo trash, Antonio
Margheriti (19 Sept 1930 – 4 Nov 2002), whose numerous other projects include Seven Dead in the Cat's Eye
(1973 / trailer),
Alien from the Deep
(1989 / German trailer,
with Charles Napier)
and so much more. Death Rage is the final film made by its slumming star, Yul
Brynner (11 July 1920 – 10 Oct 1985), seen below at the tender age of 22, nude,
slim & defined, uncut and with hair, in a nude study by the great
photographer George Platt Lynes.
The other American name of the movie was the now somewhat forgotten Academy
Award-winning character actor Martin Balsam (4 Nov 1919 – 13 Feb 1996),
possibly best remembered as the private detective who makes it down the stairs
but doesn't make it to the end of Psycho (1960 / trailer).
Million Monkey Theater,
which thinks that Death Rage is "Not bad, not bad at all," calls the
movie "a fairly high-quality effort" with "a lot of bad 1970s
Euro fashions and a pretty complicated and convoluted plot about revenge and
honor and gun crimes." They, in any event, saw more to the movie than the Film Vault,
which was so fascinated by a youthful visual encounter with "Yul's
unbelievably enormous balls" (see above) and "Kong-like scrotum
[that] seems to force his legs apart in the same manner a canned ham strapped
to one's groin might affect a normal fellow's stance" that they were moved
to say that the movie is "scroterrific!"
The best plot synopsis we could find is at Wikipedia:
"A chance for revenge brings a hit man out of retirement [...]. Sal
Leonardi is a well-connected American Mafioso who, while vacationing in Naples,
visits a racetrack and is persuaded by good-natured tout Angelo (Massimo
Raniei) to put his money on a long shot. While Angelo sometimes works around
the odds at the track by putting front-running horses off their stride with a
pellet gun, in this case Angelo's horse wins without outside interference and
pays off big. But after Sal collects his winnings, he's spotted by Gennare
Gallo (Giancarlo Sbragia), a local mob boss who holds a grudge against Sal's
partners; guns are drawn, Sal and his bodyguards are killed, while Angelo, who
is also a police informant, is stripped of his winnings. Back in New York,
Leonardi's partners are eager to even the score against Gallo, and they
approach Peter Marciani (Yul Brynner), a former hired killer who retired after
the traumatic murder of his brother. Peter is persuaded to assassinate Gallo
when he learns that the Italian mobster was behind the murder of his brother;
Peter flies to Naples and finds an ally in Angelo, but he soon learns that
there's more to this story than he's been led to believe." The mandatory
love interest is supplied by the delectable Barbara Bouchet who, as the
stripper Anny, falls for Brynner's big bald head.
Film Authority
sees a quality performance in the movie, pointing out that "By 1976, he [Yul
Brynner] was dying of cancer, but still puts in a serviceable performance in
Antonio Margheriti's murky but effective thriller. […] While nothing new in the
genre of poliziotteschi, Death Rage has plenty of punch-ups and car chases, [is]
well-filmed, and anchored by an unexpectedly touching performance from Brynner.
There's a weariness about his portrayal of Peter that makes Death Rage worth
catching for genre fans; struggling to get himself into gear for one last job,
there's echoes of another 1976 elegy for a Hollywood star, Don Siegel's The
Shootist (trailer)
and John Wayne.
All that leaves Really Awful Movies
cold, however, for all they see "In Death Rage […] are fedoras,
cigarettes, raincoats, menacing stares, fixed races (a low-level crook is in
the business of shooting favorites with an air-gun), sleazy nightclubs, nudity,
and great locales. There's also a nifty chase through the Naples subway.
Unfortunately, that's about it. Pretty stilted stuff."
Last Cannibal World
(1977, dir. Ruggero Deodato)
"Scene of cannibalism photographed from real life." [sic]
Italian title: Ultimo mondo cannibal. Aka Jungle Holocaust,
and any dozens of other names, including Cannibal, Carnivorous and The Last
Survivor. We include this movie here only because it was originally conceived
as a sequel to Umberto Lenzi's 1972 cannibal movie, Il paese del sesso
selvaggio / Man from Deep River (see Part III),
but supposedly the producers found Lenzi's demanded fee too high and retooled
the movie. Nevertheless, both as Me Me Lai and Ivan Rassimov returned from the
earlier movie, though as different characters.
When Lenzi was out of the picture, he was replaced by fellow
genre stalwart director Ruggero Deodato, and the movie became a stand-alone
project and, eventually, the first of his unofficial "cannibal
trilogy", which includes this movie and the subsequent
masterpiece-of-sorts Cannibal Holocaust
(1980 / trailer),
often referred to as the first "found footage" movie, and Cut and Run
(1985 / trailer).
The popularity of Cannibal Holocaust is what led to this movie's eventual
rechristening as Jungle Holocaust. Interestingly (and ironically) enough,
Umberto Lenzi later used Me Me Lai's death scene in this movie as the death scene
of her character in his own later cannibal movie, Eaten Alive! (1980), in which
she also has a starring role. Lots of animal cruelty, gore, and full frontal
male and female nudity in this baby…
The 2,500 Movies Challenge
has the plot: "Oil entrepreneur Robert Harper (Massimo Foschi) and his
partner Ralph (Ivan Rossimov) board a small plane bound for the middle of
nowhere to check on the progress of a jungle prospecting camp. With them are
the pilot, Charlie (Sheik Razak Shikur), and the pilot's girlfriend, Swan (Judy
Rosly). During the landing, their plane is slightly damaged, yet more troubling
than this is the discovery that the entire camp is empty, with all evidence
suggesting the workers were carried off by a tribe of cannibals. During the
night, Swan is also kidnapped by natives, and when Harper and the others set
out to locate her, he himself is taken prisoner and hauled off to the
cannibal's village. Realizing his time is limited, Harper tries desperately to
find a way out of his predicament, but will he escape before his captors turn
him into their next main course? "
Trailer to
Last Cannibal World:
Mondo Digital
says, "More rooted in the pulp yarn tradition than its volatile companion
feature, Jungle Holocaust is still extremely disreputable by most film
standards as it rubs the viewer's nose in animal death scenes (a snake and
alligator this time), gory dismemberment and flesh eating, a man's damaged limb
consumed by ants, and other charming atrocities. At least this time there's the
distance of a traditional narrative to keep the viewer relatively secure, even
if the opening does claim the story is based on true events. […] Even in cut
form it enjoyed a wide release and a decent gross-out reputation thanks to
frequent reissues from AIP, and relatively speaking, it's still one of the best
made of its ilk. The skillful scope photography, atmospheric score, and earnest
performances make this a gripping study of survival, while exploitation fans
should enjoy the high levels of gore effects […]. Thematically it's also less
didactic than the '80s cannibal films; there isn't any two-faced moralizing
along the lines of who the real savages are. More closely akin to survival
epics like Cornel Wilde's underrated The Naked Prey (1966 / trailer),
this is one of the more tolerable Italian cannibal films for those courageous
enough to venture onto such morally treacherous grounds."
The Worldwide Celluloid Massacre
would tend to agree, saying that the movie is "easily one of the best in
the cannibal genre" and that "while it raised the bar in terms of
extreme gore and nastiness, instead of just wallowing in exploitation, it was a
valid attempt at portraying unflinching jungle survival and the consequences of
a civilized white man's encounter with cannibals. […] One survivor slowly turns
into an animal and finds himself reacting with his basest instincts. Features
the expected real animal deaths and buckets of gore as well as realistic
scenery and tribesmen, and brave performances by the cast. Animal lovers who
like to whine can go back to eating their burgers."
The Science Fiction, Horror and Fantasy Review
did a little research and points out that "Despite the film's stringent
claims on both the opening and end credits that it is based on a true story and
that Robert Harper was a real person, I am unable to find any evidence of
reported cannibal tribes living in Mindanao.
The only internet references to 'Mindanao cannibals' all come back to this
film. Mindedly, the Italian cannibal film, which was operating well before the
whole mockumentary/found-footage fad, had no qualms making up bogus claims that
everything that happened was real."
The ballsy lead actor Massimo Foschi can be found, usually
with more clothing on, in a few other "fun" films, including Lucrezia
Giovane / Die Sünden der Lucrezia Borgia (1974 / scene),
Nove ospiti per un delitto / Nine Guests for a Crime (1977 / trailer),
Holocaust 2000 (1977 / trailer),
and Pandemia (2012 / trailer).
Music to Last Cannibal World
by Ubaldo Continiello (1941 – 20 Jan 2014):
The Cynic, the Rat and the Fist
(1977, writ & dir. Umberto Lenzi)
Original Italian title: Il cinico, l'infame, il violent or
"The Cynic, the Infamous, the Violent" — both the Italian title as
well as the English one have a notable and intentional aural similarity to another
great movie, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly (1966 / trailer)
aka (in Italian) Il buono, il brutto, il cattivo.
Another poliziottesco with Maurizio Merli, this movie is a
direct sequel to Lenzi's Rome Armed to the Teeth (1976) and sees Merli once again
playing Commissioner Leonardo Tanzi. Tomas Milian is also there again as well,
but he plays a new character, Luigi 'Er Cinese' Maietto. John Saxon, possibly
still in town from working on Lenzi's Violent Naples (1976), appears as Frank
Di Maggio. This trio, basically, forms the "the Cynic, the Infamous, and
the Violent" and/or "the Cynic, the Rat and the Fist", though
who is who could be open to discussion.
Trailer to
The Cynic, the Rat and the Fist:
Blood Brothers
has a synopsis: "Maurizio Merli reprises his role as Inspector Leonardo
Tanzi except this time he isn't an inspector. It seems after the events of Rome
Armed to the Teeth Tanzi grew sick of the backward legal system being
'kindhearted' to the corrupted fifth tearing apart Rome and has resigned and
now makes a living writing detective novels. All is going well until one of his
arch rivals known as 'The Chinaman' (Tomas Milian) gets released from prison
and sets his sights on getting revenge. After a failed assassination attempt on
Tanzi, the police send him away to avoid being murdered but Tanzi decides to
take vengeance himself. Tanzi decides to pull a 'Yojimbo' [or 'A Fistful of Dollars',
if you're more of a western fan] by setting up the Chinaman against his mafia
business partner Frank Di Maggio (John Saxon)."
The Spinning Image
may have liked the movie, but they were still moved to write: "Despite the
usual rousing action sequences and polished direction by Umberto Lenzi that
counters his later reputation as a talentless horror hack, The Cynic, the Rat
and the Fist is over-familiar stuff. Talky, meandering and casually
nonsensical, the plot interweaves Tanzi's cathartic vigilante antics with
complex power-plays and counter-ploys […] because behind the scenes Merli and
Milian were not exactly the best of friends. The story never really adds up but
throws in the odd memorable action scene (a gunfight in a porn studio, an
ambush on a subway train, a chase through a supermarket) en route to a
shoot-'em-up climax that wraps things up yet proves distinctly unsatisfying.
Along with his shift into blatant vigilantism, Tanzi exhibits an alarming
callousness in common with his criminal quarry as he slaps Nadia (Gabriella
Lepori) around, steals a car from some poor innocent woman, and teams up with a
comical ex-con who 'accidentally murdered his wife' (?!) for a laughable heist
wherein red string stands-in for an infra-red security web."
For that, Blue Ray
thinks that "The unfiltered intensity on display is the main reason why
Lenzi's film works. Indeed, for the most part it mirrors the quasi-documentary
style promoted by many of Fernando Di Leo's earlier poliziotteschi, but Lenzi
ratchets up the action to near breaking point that quickly transforms his film
into a contemporary Italian martial arts film. In other words, it is a hybrid
of a film that bets even more on style over substance."
And the acting ain't bad, ether, if one is to believe Cinezilla:
"Performances are tight, and well acted, Merli is great […] but the movie
definitely belongs to Tomas Milian in a performance that out shines both Merli
and Saxon by yards. He owns this piece with his sneering, sinister criminal who
just oozes cynicism towards the law officials, the mob boss Frank Di Maggio,
and even towards his once cohorts that he eliminates on his struggle towards
the top of the food chain. […] Along the way there's some great supporting cast
performances by Bruno Corazzari, Claudio Undari, and the man who is almost
everything worth watching Fulcio Mingozzi makes yet another short appearance.
It's a pretty male-dominated movie, as nearly no women hold any specific role
in the plot […], although Gabriella Lepori does have a bit of importance as she
brings the narrative to an important junction, and connects the pornographer's
mischief to the racket Maietto has going. […] The Cynic, the Rat and the Fist
is a definitive statement to the craftsmanship of Umberto Lenzi, a guy who
easily gets lost as a second-rate director among the many cheesier of his
movies, especially the later ones, but this one is a gem and proves that Lenzi
really had the knack for putting forth tight action movies that still work
perfectly to this day."
Opening credit sequence,
music composed by Franco Micalizzi:
Brothers till We Die
(1978, writ & dir. Umberto Lenzi)
Italian title: La banda del gobo. A double-starring vehicle
for Tomas Milian, in the sixth and last movie he was ever to make with Umberto
Lenzi. There are no slumming American names around this time. Brothers Till We
Die is a sequel of sorts to both Lenzi's Free Hand for a Tough Cop (1976) and
Stelvio Massi's Destruction Force (1977 / German trailer)
as well as Lenzi's own Rome Armed to the Teeth (1976): in Brothers Till We Die,
Milian plays both a guy that not only wears the same wig as the tough good-guy
Sergio Marazzi (a.k.a. "Monnezza") of the earlier two movies but, at
least in some dubs, the name of as well; likewise, he also appears again as "The
Hunchback" from the last. The Hunchback actually died in Rome Armed to the
Teeth, but fuck continuity: here he is again spouting such great dialog as,
"When you're born with a hump, you ain't got much room for a heart."
Trailer to
Brothers till We Die:
Grindhouse Database
has the plot to a movie that has to be seen to be appreciated: "Vincenzo
Marazzi (Tomas Milian), the Hunchback of Rome, is back in town. Always on the
lookout for a quick buck, he is planning a surefire coup along with three of
his former accomplices. A cash transport should eliminate any worries forever.
Marazzi has not reckoned with the greed of his colleagues, and to be killed on
the spot. Badly wounded he can escape under the cover of the sewers. Together
with his [non-humped] twin brother Monezza (Tomas Milian), he forges a
diabolical plan to take revenge on the traitors."
For years unavailable and seldom seen, one of the few who
have bothered to share their opinion about the flick is Unpopped Cinema,
which says: "For anyone into Italo-crime films, there is plenty to enjoy
here despite the lack of an American or prominent Italian 'good guy' […]. In
order to carry the film, Milian truly outdoes himself playing both twins, which
have typically outlandish hairstyles (both ridiculous-looking wigs) and a
little too much eyeliner. Along with Giulio Sacchi from Almost Human (1974, see
Part III),
the hunchback (or il gobbo on Italian prints) is one of Milian's most memorable
characters whose tenacity and ruthless demeanor make for great entertainment. […]
As [the other brother] Pigsty, Milian ups the comedy factor […]. In a fairly
impressive bit of optical work, Milian plays both Humpo and Pigsty in the very
same scene quite effectively, but the best is saved for last when Milian as
Pigsty actually rises above the material in a rather poignant and bittersweet
finale."
The Biggest Battle
(1978, writ & dir "Humphrey Longan")
Italian title: Il grande attacco. It would seem that Umberto
Lenzi himself was aware that this low-budget movie was a bit of a joke, for he
chose to release it as a Humphrey Longan film (in some cuts, "Humphrey
Logan"). To save even more money, he edited in scenes from his previous Italo-combat
film, Battle of the Commandos (1969, see Part II), as well as Mark Robson's
Lost Command (1966 / trailer),
Mino Loy's Desert Assault (1969 / trailer),
and Giorgio Ferroni's The Battle of El Alamein (1969 / Italian trailer)
— and even supposedly has his wife Olga Pehar Lenzi on hand to play John
Huston's wife in one scene.
Il grande attacco is available in versions and under
multiple names, among others: The Greatest Battle, The Great Battle, The Battle
of the Mareth Line, Battle Line, Battleforce and My Parent's Marriage (just
joking about the last). Leonard Maltin's 2014 Movie Guide calls this
slumming-star flick a "BOMB" and "a waste of everybody's
time".
Italian Trailer to
Il grande attacco:
E-Critic
and Charles T. Tatum
have the (same) plot description: "The big-name cast meet at Berlin in
1936 after the Olympics. British correspondent Sean O'Hara (John Huston),
German officer Maj. Manfred Roland (Stacy Keach), and American General Foster (Henry
Fonda) exchange pleasantries and small tokens of friendship, denying that the
three countries would ever be at war. We know better. Eventually, but
indirectly, the paths of the three men cross in North Africa. Fonda's
ne'er-do-well son (Ray Lovelock) is heroic there, Huston wanders around there,
and Keach dies there. Trying to follow all of these paths, plus those of characters
who really have nothing to do with the main plot, gets to be a chore. Samantha
Eggar is Keach's half-Jewish wife. […] Orson Welles provides ominous narration
to try to keep the proceedings moving along, but characters are introduced,
play their little scene, and are dropped immediately."
The blogspot Good Efficient Butchery
manages to make the film sound fun by stating that "[…] from the looks of The
Greatest Battle, the entire budget went to paying those actors because for the
most part, it looks like how a WWII epic might turn out if it was directed by
Jess Franco or Al Adamson".
Scusi, lei è normale?
(1979, writ & dir Umberto Lenzi)
Not one to stick to a single genre, Lenzi suddenly does a commedia
sexy all'italiana. The Italian title translates, obviously enough, into "Pardon
Me, Are You Normal?"
It doesn't seem to have ever had an English-language
release (surprise, surprise, surprise), although the BFI
does list the wonderfully P.I. title God Save the Queens as an alternative title.
It is probably NOT without chance that the year previously, the original
version of the international hit comedy La Cage aux Follies (1978 / trailer)
had been released.
Nevertheless, the one-line synopsis at MUBI
does make it sound interesting [Not!]: "A moralist judge declares war on
pornography and on his gay nephew who lives with a transvestite."
A search of the web and computer translations of various one
to three line descriptions uncovers other possible details, but the following description
is given without guarantee, as many sites wrote conflicting plots: Franco
Astuti (Ray Lovelock [19 June 1950 – 10 Nov 2017]), the nephew of the uptight
city prosecutor Gustavo Sparvieri (Renzo Montagnani [11 Sept 1930 – 22 May
1997]), lives with a transvestite Nicola "Nicole" Proietti (Enzo
Cerusico [22 Oct 1937 – 1 July 1991]), who fakes a suicide attempt when Franco
falls for Annamaria Immacolata (Anna Maria Rizzoli), a beautiful girl and very
good dancer Franco
meets at a dance contest. Anna Maria, a diplomat's daughter who
poses for an S&M/B&D magazine that Gustavo Sparvieri declares war on,
decides to help Franco "become a man"… the paths of the various
protagonists keep crossing.
You understand Italian?
Anna Maria Rizzoli, by the way, is a former popular glamour
girl of Italy who had a roughly decade-long career in Italian movies, mostly of
the commedia sexy all'italiana genre, a genre that comedian Renzo Montagnani
also excelled in. As far as we can tell, however, unlike Anna Maria Rizzoli,
Renzo Montagnani never released any songs.
Anna Maria Rizzoli sings
Tu Solo Tu (1979):
From Corleone to Brooklyn
(1979, writ & dir. Umberto Lenzi)
"A surprisingly well made action thriller and a
highpoint of the genre during its dying days (Cult Action)."
Original Italian title: Da Corleone a Brooklyn — aka The Sicilian Boss. No gender-bending
here: this is another Lenzi movie featuring serious, real men. Normally, the
men in Lenzi's poliziotteschi movies shoot quickly and all over the place, so
much so that if bullets were sperm, the flicks would be bukkake porn. In From
Corleone to Brooklyn, however, bullets spurt but not quite as many as in
Lenzi's other manly movies.
Italian trailer to
From Corleone to Brooklyn:
And as perhaps fitting to both a manly man's movie and the
fact that this was Lenzi's last poliziotteschi flick, the briefly appearing slumming
star is no one less than Van Johnson (25 Aug 1916 – 12 Dec 2008), one of the
great passing-as-straight stars of Hollywood, although we might argue that he
was a more a gay-leaning bisexual than flat-out gay (Then again, just like many
a hetro man can get it up for a guy, many a homo man can get it up for a gal.)
But enough manly talk, let's get to the manly movie at hand, also starring (yet
again) the manly Maurizio Merli of many other manly Lenzi movies, in his last
movie directed by Lenzi. (If you have any doubts of just how manly Merli was,
catch a gander of him in that scene in Napoli Violenta (1976) where he's shooting
as he clings to the cable car: he did his own stunts.) Merli's character in
this movie, however, is a bit more by the book than ever before.
Cool Ass Cinema
has the plot to what they claim is "one of the best of [Lenzi's]
career": "Italian mobster, Michele Barresi (Mario Merola [6 April
1934 – 12 Nov 2006) heads for the safer climate of Brooklyn after his chief
rival is gunned down in the small Sicilian town of Corleone.
Commissioner Berni (Merli) learns of his involvement so Barresi takes out a
contract on the only two people alive who can put him away. One is Barresi's
hired assassin (Biagio Pelligra) and the other is his girlfriend (Sonia Viviani).
Unable to save the girl, Berni manages to arrest the assassin, Salvatore
Scalia. The plan is to get Scalia from Palermo to New York to testify against
Barresi in court. But the mafia has no intentions of allowing either Berni, or
Scalia, to make it to New York alive."
The Weber Movie Countdown
has a few more details: "[...] Merli has to escort the hitman from Italy
to Brooklyn — and since there's a price on his head, that means a whole lot of
folks are trying to kill him! This is a pretty good road movie, and
Scalia has some pretty good moments with Merli. There's even an
appearance by Van Johnson as the New York police captain trying to keep them
safe 'til the morning of the trial (they hide out in a Holiday Inn!).
There's good stuff here and a little more character development than is the
norm in these films."
Sexy Sonia Viviani, who plays (depending on which source you
read) Barresi's wife / sister / girlfriend and doesn't survive long (much as in
Lenzi's Nightmare City [1980, see further below]), has since retired from
movies but for a while she was a glamour model who had (mostly smaller) roles
in some fun movies, including: Bruno Mattei's SS Exterminator Camp (1977 /
music),
Antonio Bido's Solamente nero / The
Bloodstained Shadow (1978 / Italian trailer),
Pier Carpi's Un'ombra nell'ombra / Satan's Wife (1979 / trailer), Povero Cristo (1976 / trailer),
and more.
Franco Micalizzi's title theme to
From Corleone to Brooklyn:
From Hell to Victory
(1979, writ & dir. "Hank Milestone")
In Italian: Contro 4 bandiere or "Against Four
Flags". Another macaroni war film, Umberto Lenzi's last — and not just as
"Hank Milestone", the name used for the some of the international
releases. Some of the war scenes were recycled from Alberto De Martino's Dirty
Heroes (1967 / trailer),
which, like From Hell to Victory, was also produced by Edmondo Amati (whose
most-famous production must surely be The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue
[1974 / trailer]).*
* For all the talk among zombie fans about fast or slow
zombies, zombies that use tools or don't, strangely enough this cult fave never
seems to enter anyone's conversations, despite the fact that the "zombies"
regularly use things around them in a thinking manner to kill people.
Trailer to
From Hell to Victory:
From Hell to Victory is
a rehash of Lenzi's own The Greatest Battle (1976), but with an arguably better
cast. The plot, as cobbled together from a variety of websites, many of which
couldn't count: A late-summer day in Paris in 1939: at a bistro alongside the
Seine, five young friends are celebrating the victory of a canoe race — the
American, Brett (George Peppard [1 Oct 1928 – 8 May 1994]); the Brit Maurice
(George Hamilton); the German Jurgen (Horst Buchholz [4 Dec 1933 – 3 March
2003]); the French woman Fabienne (Anne Duperey), Rick (Jean-Pierre Cassel [27
Oct 1932 – 19 April 2007]), and the Canadian Ray (Sam Wanamaker [14 June 1919 –
18 Dec 1993]). Soon, however, World War II will send them their separate ways,
and they will in part fight on different sides as enemies. They promise to meet
again after the war, and though some paths cross during the following years —
some even kill the other from the distance, never knowing it — only three
return to one day sit together at the Seine. Capucine (6 Jan 1928 – 17 March
1990) shows up somewhere to play "Nicole Levine", and cult fave Howard
Vernon (15 July 1914 – 25 July 1996) — of A Virgin among the Living Dead (1973
/ French trailer below), one among ten dozens of noteworthy disasterpieces —
flits by as "SS Major Karl".
French trailer to
A Virgin among the Living Dead:
Over at Sgt Slaughter,
they're a bit surprised that "For all of the lack of originality, this
piece still manages to be fairly entertaining". His cigar clenched between
his gritted teeth, Sgt Slaughter continues to say, "Let's analyze this 'story' a
little bit. Lenzi presents us with thumbnail sketches of his characters, and
then jumps right into the action. Throughout, there is little to no character
development; we simply follow several people through the war. [...] Fans of the
director will realize that it's just a complete hack job: for one thing, Lenzi's
characters are straight out of The Greatest Battle: Peppard mirrors Henry
Fonda, in fact, even Ray Lovelock shows up here to play his pretty-boy son who
turns into a hero (again); Hamilton is a takeoff of Giuliano Gemma, and even
accompanies Lovelock on a mission to France (as Gemma did to North Africa in
the previous film). Buchholz and Duperey fall in love, despite the fact that
they are on opposite sides, a la Stacy Keach and Samantha Eggar… the list
simply goes on." For that, he unclenches his teeth and adds, "The
only strong action sequence that stands out is a shootout atop the Eiffel
Tower, which has got to be one of the most suspenseful, best-edited scenes ever
shot. It compares to the most memorable moments in The Last Hunter (1980 /
trailer)
and The Dirty Dozen (1967 / trailer)
— it's just that good."
Over at All Movie,
in his synopsis Hal Erickson even raves, "The internationally produced From
Hell to Victory is evocative of the works of Erich Maria Remarque" — Wow!
— before suggesting that Umberto Lenzi is billed as "Hank Milestone" as
a possible reference to Lewis Milestone, who filmed the definitive version of Erich Maria
Remarque's novel All Quiet on the Western Front in 1930 (trailer).
Nightmare City
(1980, dir. Umberto Lenzi)
Italian title: Incubo sulla città contaminata. This is
perhaps one of the first running-"zombie" movies. (We say "zombie" because the infected of Nightmare City are not walking dead but infected: the infection might be radioactive-born, but it is transmittable and those infected are not necessarily dead. In that sense, they are zombies of the kind found in 28 Days Later [2002 / trailer] or [REC] [2007].) Everyone seems to hate Nightmare
City but, for that, it retains immense popularity as a cult movie. The slumming
international name is Mel Ferrer, though the real star of the movie, Hugo
Stiglitz, is a pretty big name himself in the Spanish-speaking Americas. He's a wooden as a board in the movie, but looks less lost than Ferrer.
For what we thought of the movie, go to our review from
Thursday, January 13, 2011, found here.
Trailer to
Nightmare City:
Among the many who don't make it to the end of the movie is
the attractive Sonia Viviani, also seen briefly in Lenzi's From Corleone to
Brooklyn, as "Cindy". A now-retired glamour model turned actress, she
had (mostly smaller) roles in some fun movies, including: Gualtiero Jacopetti
& Franco Prosperi's Mondo Candido (1975
/ scene with score
/ Italian trailer),
and René Cardona Jr.'s Traficantes de pánico / Under Siege (1980 / trailer).
Quentin Tarantino talks
Umberto Lenzi & Nightmare City:
Eaten Alive!
(1980, writ & dir Umberto Lenzi)
Not to be mistaken with Tobe Hooper's
own Eaten Alive (trailer),
from 1976. Italian title: Mangiati vivi! Aka Doomed to Die. Umberto Lenzi's eye
had obviously been caught by the news of Jim Jones and Jonestown back in 1978,
and he came up with this cult and cannibals flick featuring the usual suspects: Ivan
Rassimov (as "Jonas") and Me Me Lai; the slumming has-been, Mel
Ferrer; and the Golden Age of Porn star R. Bolla, using his real name here, Robert Kerman. Bolla/Kerman was to do two Italian cannibal flicks in 1980, the second
being Ruggero Deodato's classic Cannibal Holocaust (1980 / trailer);
Bolla/Kerman eventually also showed up in Lenzi's Cannibal
Ferrox (1981). Lenzi cannibalized other cannibal films for this one, using
scenes from his own Mondo cannibale (1972), Me Me Lay's death sequence from Ruggero
Deodato's Last Cannibal World / Jungle Holocaust (1977), and the castration
scene and other stuff from Sergio Martino'sSlave of the Cannibal God
(1978).
Trailer to
Eaten Alive:
The Worldwide Celluloid Massacre,
which is in general not a fan of Lenzi movies, decries, that Eaten Alive! is
"a lame cannibal entry that rips-off ideas from other movies in the genre,
especially Jungle Holocaust (1977) and Apocalypse Now (1979 / trailer).
[...] Pointlessly scattered throughout the movie like porn scenes is footage of
real animal deaths. The acting is terrible and the mostly naked women maintain
perfect makeup and hairdos while running for their lives."
In regard to those naked women, Dr. Gore,
who rates the movie "2.5 out of 4 human smorgasbords", gushes: "There
are also plenty of topless women as the cult hates to have their females wear
bras. There's also a cool scene where the hot blonde's body is painted gold.
Why she gets painted gold is a mystery although it looks good to me. Maybe that
was the reason. So if you're into cannibal flicks, you'll like this one. It's
worth a look."
As for the plot, the 2,500 Movie Challenge,
which warns that "Eaten Alive! is a gruesome bit of exploitation so
incredibly off-the-wall that, at times, you won't believe your eyes", has
a synopsis: "Upon learning that her sister Diana (Paola Senatore of Salon Kitty
[1976]), who had been traveling in the South Pacific, is missing, beautiful
southern belle Sheila (Janet Agren of City of the Living Dead
[1980]) decides to go looking for her. With Mark (Robert Kerman), a Vietnam
veteran who knows his way around a jungle, as her guide, Shelia sets off for
the wilds of New Guinea, where, with Mark's help, she discovers that Diana has
joined a religious cult headed up by the charismatic Rev. Jonas (Ivan
Rassimov), whose commune is smack dab in the middle of cannibal country.
Together, Mark and Sheila somehow make it to Jonas's camp, only to find that
Diana has been brainwashed, and doesn't want to return with them to
civilization. Can the two adventurers convince her to leave, or will they
instead succumb to Jonas's charms and join up along with her?"
AtAll Movie,
Robert Firsching posits "[...] This jungle-set gore-fest is part of a
mini-trend in which wealthy Europeans travel to the Third World in search of
more riches, only to meet with truly nasty ends. In this one, however,
cannibals are subordinated to yet another exploitative treatment of the 1978
tragedy in Jonestown, Guyana, where over 900 people committed mass suicide in
the name of People's Temple cult leader Rev. Jim Jones. Indeed, in Mangiati
Vivi, it can be argued rather convincingly that the cannibals are the good
guys. There are Stone Age cannibals, a Jim Jones-type cult, hired assassins,
and gratuitous animal slaughters thrown onscreen every five minutes just to
keep the viewer awake. [...] There's gang rape, castration, radical mastectomy by
knife, dismemberment, cannibalism, and even more disgusting activity. There's
almost enough gore and nudity, in fact, to make one forget the ridiculous
dialogue, outrageously mean-spirited sensibility, and truly despicable
treatment of animals for commercial purposes. At least there is some sense of
warped justice here, as hard as one may have to dig to find it. [...] In more
talented hands, there could have been a real statement made with this film. As
it turns out, the only statement most viewers are likely to come away with is 'yuck'."
Cannibal Ferox
(1981, writ & dir Umberto Lenzi)
The following feature is one of the most violent films ever
made. There are at least two dozen scenes of barbaric torture and sadistic
cruelty graphically shown. If the presentation of disgusting and repulsive
subject matter upsets you, please do not view this film.
Pre-credits disclaimer
Aka Make Them Die Slowly and Woman from Deep River. In his final cannibal movie, Lenzi
pulls out all the stops to transcend even Deodato'sCannibal Holocaust
(1980 / trailer)
in cynicism and gore. (He also pulls in two of Cannibal Holocaust's cast, Perry
Pirkanen and Robert Kerman, for cameo appearances — though Pirkanen remains
un-credited and in an appearance so small it would seem to be but a coincidence.
Germans might want to keep their eyes open for a very young and likewise
un-cedited Dominic Raacke [of the still-smelling-of-80s turkey Babylon [1992 / trailer]
in one of his first film appearances as "Tim" — he's the twitchy
junkie who gets shot in NYC at the start of the film, in case you have trouble
recognizing him.)
Available in dozens of versions, the once-rare uncut one
lasts 93 minutes. Aka Make Them Die Slowly and, in Australia, as Woman from
Deep River (thus linking it to Lenzi's first cannibal movie, Man From Deep
River [1972, see Part II]).
A supposed later sequel, marketed as Cannibal Ferox II, has nothing to do with
either Lenzi or this movie, and is actually Michele Massimo Tarantini's
Massacre in Dinosaur Valley / Nudo e selvaggio (1985 / trailer)
re-titled to make an extra buck.
Trailer to
Cannibal Ferox (1981):
1000 Misspent Hours
points out that "There was an odd relationship between Lenzi and his
fellow Italian schlockmeister, Ruggero Deodato, during 1970s and early 1980s. […]
The two men seemed to be engaged in a sort of undeclared duel to see who could
make the most disgusting movie about gut-munching stone-agers. Lenzi and
Deodato were hardly alone in the cannibal arena, to be sure, but nobody else on
the scene played the game with such verve, or gave the impression of taking it
so personally. First, Deodato one-upped Lenzi with Jungle Holocaust (1977);
then he ten-upped himself with Cannibal Holocaust a couple of years after that.
Lenzi, not to be outdone, replied first with The Emerald Jungle […], then with Make
Them Die Slowly. The latter movie is arguably the one for which Lenzi is best
remembered today, and while some might not wish such a legacy on their worst
enemy, I think it fits old Umberto quite well. Whenever anyone makes a movie as
crass and squalid and pugnaciously gross as Make Them Die Slowly, that's what
they deserve to be remembered for, and it's perfectly fair to say that this
movie marks the culmination of everything Lenzi had been doing for the past
decade at least. If you have a cast-iron stomach and absolutely no couth, it's
a hoot and a half."
As Michael Den Boer points out at 10K Bullets,
"Structurally this film follows the almost to a tee the blue print laid
out by Cannibal Holocaust. Only this time around instead of their being found
footage, there is a survivor who gets to tell the story of near fatal trek
through the treacherous jungles inhabited by cannibals. The interesting
addition to this film is how they incorporate two sadistic characters who are
only in the jungle to exploit, cause harm, and make money from the locals.
Along the way this duo, crosses paths with the group lead by anthropologist.
And it is fateful meeting that ultimately puts anthropologist and those with
her in harm's way. Also when it comes to said characters, they are all
well-defined and their motivations are crystal clear! […] Performance-wise this
is not an easy film to age, and not because of lack of character development or
just plain old bad acting. It has more to do with the actors are nothing more
than mere props that they director strategically maneuvers for maximum effect.
With that being said, the only performance that leaves any lasting impression
is Giovanni Lombardo Radice (City of the Living Dead
[1980 / trailer],
Stage Fright
[1987 / trailer],
and much much more) in the role of Mike Logan, he is one of two sadistic characters
that infiltrate the anthropologist's group. To say that his performance is over
the top would be an understatement, but then that is exactly why it is so
memorable."
At All Movie,
Robert Firsching has the plot to what Classic Horror
calls "one of the grimmest, most harrowing horror films ever made": "This revolting horror film stars Giovanni Lombardo Radice
[…] as a drug-dealer who comes to the Amazon jungle from New York looking for a
cache of stolen emeralds. He joins some American college students and soon
introduces them to his special lifestyle, raping a native girl, then beating a
young Indio senseless before gouging out his eyeball with a knife. Naturally,
the local cannibals don't take too well to this treatment, so they cut off Radice's penis with a
machete, gouge out his eye, then scalp him and eat his brain. Deciding that his
companions are also to blame, the natives hang a young woman by impaling her
breasts on meat hooks while her sorrowful companion sings 'Red River Valley'.
Eventually, one woman (Lorraine de Delle, also found in Damned in Venice [1978]) gets back to New York, where she reads a dissertation on cannibalism to
earn her PhD. […]"
Classic Horror
is actually one of the rare voices of appreciation, saying: "The
screenplay […] draws stark parallels between the white conquerors of old, and
the behavior of it contemporary characters. The cannibal's themselves are not
the whopping, ape-like sub-humans of Cannibal Holocaust. Lenzi presents them as
ominous, foreboding figures who take their grim retribution in a cold, almost
mournful, fashion. Cannibal Ferox holds up well on its own merits. It a tight,
suspenseful story that generates a serious feeling of dread. The jungle, filmed
on location in South America, is not presented as lush and beautiful. Instead,
it is dense, claustrophobic, and lethal. It has its odd segments, the New York sub-plot,
the singing-in-the-cave scene, but ultimately it rivets you to your seat,
dreading what will happen next. […] It's grisly, realistic effects were created
by Gino di Rossi, son of italian make-up artist Gianetto. They are gruesome,
and Lenzi lets his camera linger on them long enough to get under your skin. He
doesn't rub your nose in it like the zoom-happy Fulci. He lets you get a good
look at the savagery, then cuts to the reactions of his surviving victims. The
effect is both repulsive and involving."
Cicciabomba
(1982, dir. Umberto Lenzi)
Lenzi follows up on his cannibal blood and guts epic with an
Italian ugly-duckling "sex" comedy that is also known under the
fabulously PI title, Fatty Girls Goes to New York. The movie was a vehicle for
a once-popular in Italy (and completely unknown anywhere else) pop singer, Donatella Rettore.
From Cicciabomba:
Yum-Yum at the House of Self-Indulgence
saw the movie and says, "I want everyone to see what kind of lameness they
would have to endure if I wasn't around to set them on the path towards
righteousness. All right, now that I've done that, let's get this thing
underway, shall we? It's racist, it's anti-gay, it looks down on fat people, it
promotes bullying, and yet, it's totally awesome." But then, House, being
a total fan of Italian disco,
is probably the only person in the US who knows who Donatella Rettore is, whom
she gushes looks "like Anne Carlisle from Liquid Sky (1982 / trailer)
from certain angles.
Trailer to
Cicciabomba:
10K Bullets
has the plot: "An overweight young woman named Miris (Donatella Rettore) is
tormented by the most desired boy (Dario Caporaso) who goes to her school. Her
life is drastically changed after a chance encounter with a baroness (Anita
Ekberg of Killer Nun [1979 / trailer]
and Malenka, Fangs of the Living Dead [1969 / trailer])
who helps her slim down and gain confidence. Unable to forget the rejection
that nearly pushed over the edge, Miris returns to Italy to turn the tables on
her tormentor."
We admit to not having seen the movie, but we cannot help
but feel that it is extremely odd that the "happy" ending supposedly includes
the pregnant girl (Gena Gas) marrying the asshole who knocked her up and dumped
her for a richer girl — but then, it is an Italian film. And Italians once thought, like many Americans still do, that your only option when pregnant is marriage.
Donatella Rettore
sings her Italo hit Kobra:
Incontro nell'ultimo paradiso
(1982 dir. Umberto Lenzi)
The Blue Lagoon (1980 / trailer),
anybody? A literal translation of the Italian title seems to be Encounter in
the Last Paradise, but for its English-language release the movie got retitled
to Daughter of the Jungle. Anyone thinking Lenzi returned to the jungle for
more cannibal high jinks will be disappointed: this is very much an Italo
romantic comedy — co-written, oddly enough, by cult fave Giovanni Lombardo Radice, of Make
Them Die Slowly (and much more).
The "Jungle Girls" page at Down Memory Lane withTarzan
has the plot: "Sabrina Siani stars as Luana/Susan in Incontro nell'ultimo
paradiso (aka Daughter of the Jungle) Two college students [Butch (Renato
Miracco) and Ringo (Rodolfo Bigotti)] take a vacation to the Amazon, where ruffians
beat them up. After renting a boat and sailing down the river, they become
lost. The two enter a small village where they meet a mysterious jungle female,
who happens to be the last survivor of a helicopter crash that occurred years
ago. She soon develops a bond with the two adventurers."
Trailer to
Daughter of the Jungle:
Ninja Dixon,
who's seen a couple of Italian comedies before, says that this "comedy
with actors who has good chemistry together and a naked chick" "often
relies itself on cheap sex-jokes, nudity and a lot of slapstick — often someone
getting something funny in the head and makes a funny face or two. But I also
have to admit that I laughed more than one time and much of the dialogue comes
in such a frantic pace that it's hard not to be charmed by the characters or
giggle at people falling on their asses. This is not big art, but it's
entertaining — and I guess those who like Sabrina naked will be happy with what
they see." (And who doesn't want to see Sabrina naked?)
And who is Sabrina? Wikipedia
is surprisingly snarky in their entry one her: "Sabrina Siani […] starred
in numerous [Italian] films, mostly violent cannibal films and sexy barbarian 'sword-and-sandal'
movies, and most of her films were made in a three-year period between the ages
of 17 and 20. Siani retired from acting in 1989, at age 26. Her brief career
included working with some of the most famous Italian horror film directors of
the time, including Lucio Fulci, Umberto Lenzi, Antonio Margheriti, Joe D'Amato,
Jesús Franco and Alfonso Brescia. Franco said in a recent interview that
Siani's mother would always accompany her to the various shooting locations and
get in the way, although she actually encouraged Franco to film her daughter
naked. Franco said that Siani was the 2nd worst actress he ever worked with
(next to Romina Power [of Franco's Marquis de Sade's Justine (1969 /
trailer)]),
and that her only real asset was her delectable derrière."
Pierino la peste alla riscossa
(1982, dir.Umberto Lenzi)
Another comedy, and one of Lenzi's more obscure projects: no
one seems to have seen it in the English-speaking world and found it worth
writing about online. According to Gian Piero Brunetta's The History of Italian
Cinema: A Guide to Italian Film from Its Origins to the Twenty-first Century,
however, the movie has an English title: Little Peiero, the Plague to the
Rescue… though it seems to us to be more of a one-to-one translation of the
Italian title.
Mubi
mention that the movie was "Filmed in the north-west area of Rome, near
the Via Aurelia, [and] the film is divided into several episodes used as a
pretext to represent — through gags and jokes — more or less well-known jokes;
sketches stand out on time for the triviality of eloqui and double
meanings."
