A short written and directed by Robert Boocheck, who was born 1 September 1976and has a killer smile. (That's not him above; that's the main character of the short.)
To simply quote the bio — minor grammar fails and all — at the website to Honor Society,"a fully integrated production company telling stories with passion,
bravery, and intelligence, no matter the style, technique, or medium":
"Boocheck began his film career working for director Sam Raimi. He went on
to direct music videos for seminal punk and indie bands such as Bad Religion
and Death Cab for Cutie. His video work garnered a ton of acclaim and was even
featured as an exhibit at the MOCA in Los Angeles.He has directed campaigns
for major brands such as Google, State Farm, Toyota, and Ray Ban. […] He also
has a segment in the popular cult horror anthology, The ABCs of Death 2 (2014 /
trailer).
Aside from all that fancy stuff, he's a Dad currently living in Brooklyn who
makes street art
in his spare time."
M Is for Masticate is actually Boocheck's segment in The ABCs of
Death 2.
The ABCs anthology films each comprise a collection of 26
different shorts, one for each letter of the English alphabet, each by a
different director, known and unknown. Both the first, The ABCs of Death (2012
/ trailer),
and the second, The ABCs of Death 2 (2014), involved a contest for the 26th
director: Boocheck was the winner for ABCs 2. (Interestingly enough, albeit
unintentionally, here at A Wasted Life we chose Lee Hardcastle's Ghost Burger
(2013), the sequel to his winning short of the contest for the first ABCs film,
T is for Toilet, as our Short Film of the Month for September 2016.) A third anthology movie, The ABCs of Death 2.5 (2016 / trailer),
has since been cobbled together from all the unused "M" submissions for
the 26th segment of ABC 2. Well shot and well edited, that and the on-the-spot sound do
wonders to make this short film the little gem that it is. And while M Is for
Masticate plays out like an arty zombie flick, it packs a nice little twist at
the end that would have Sid Davis — see the Short Film of the Month for January
2017, Seduction of the Innocent(1961) as well as the one for
for September 2013, Boys' Beware
(1961) — proud. Enjoy.
"A mostly unsung titan has passed."
The great Umberto Lenzi has left us! In a career that spanned over 30 years,
the Italian director churned out fine quality as well as crappy Eurotrash in
all genres: comedy, peplum, Eurospy, spaghetti westerns and macaroni combat, poliziotteschi,
cannibal and giallo. A career review will begin shortly....
Italian title: I pirati della Malesia. The sequel to 1963's Sandokan, la tigre di
Mompracem / Sandokan the Great (See Part I: 1958-63)
once again starring — *sigh* — Steve Reeves. Based on the novel of the same
name written by Italian author Emilio Salgari and first published in 1896.
Regarding the recent DVD release, 10K Bullets
says, "This is an entertaining but somewhat old-fashioned adventure movie
which is perfect to watch on a rainy Sunday afternoon. The film definitely
looks great, has fantastic outdoor locations, some memorable action scenes and
Steve 'Hercules' Reeves is a likeable leading man. I don't know how it compares
to Lenzi's previous Sandokan feature [...], but I prefer it over his other
jungle adventure Sandok, il Maciste della giungla (1964) with Sean Flynn."
At Amazon, they say "One of the best
Steve Reeves movies we've ever seen! A ruthless British general tries to force
a good king to resign his throne in favor of English rule. Sandokan and his
comrades intervene. Some truly great action moments follow! In particular,
watch for the scene where a gang of rebels is viciously attacked by a band of
wild-eyed natives. Another tense moment has a prisoner about to be thrown into
the jaws of an alligator."
The cover art above is of Steve Reeves as
painted by the great George Quaintance
(3 June 1902 – 8 Nov 1957). Quaintance, oddly enough, downplayed the bulge normally found in Reeves' beefcake photos.
Three
Sergeants of Bengal
(1964, writ & dir "Humphrey
Humbert" aka Umberto Lenzi)
Italian title: I tre sergenti del Bengala. The plot of what is surely an extremely
pro-Colonialist movie, as given at OC World Review:
"Sergeant John Foster (Nazzareno Zamperla, also found somewhere in Dellamorte Dellamore
[1994]) is placed under arrest for fooling around with his colonel's daughter.
At the same time, Sergeant Frankie Ross (Richard 'Nick' Harrison) is jailed for
scamming his way out of a shotgun wedding with the help of an imposter
chaplain, the notorious alcoholic Sergeant Burt Wallace (Ugo Sasso), who is
also imprisoned. But the Three Sergeants of Bengal are given a chance for
freedom if they go on a perilous mission to save Fort Madras from the evil
bandit Siki Dharma (Aldo Sambrell)."
Cult actor Dakar (of Zombie
[1979], Dr Butcher / Zombie Holocaust
[1980], Papaya [1978 / trailer]
and more) makes an early appearance. Aldo Sambrell is known for working with
the great Jess Franco and other Spanish trashmasters, while Richard Harrison,
seen above nude from some early beefcake, [duh] "was a very popular
beefcake model in the late 1950s. He appeared in campy science fiction films
like Kronos (1957 / trailer)
before heading to Europe to act in the sword-and-sandal films that were hugely
popular at the time. Later, he appeared in spaghetti westerns, before
transitioning successfully into a variety of film genres all the way into the
1980s. (Text, like the photo, from Male Models Vintage Beefcake.)"
Roughly thirty minutes of
Three Sergeants of Bengal:
The Italian Film Review
thinks the movie "could possibly be the most fun Italian combat feature
ever made", and says, "Those Britons who are able to puff up their
chests with pride at the thought of an age when half the globe was coloured
pink would surely feel a stiffening in the upper lip at the sight of the
Redcoats [...] interacting with stock footage animals and Mondo-style
documentary footage of natives, some clearly wearing later twentieth-century
dress, before going to battle with a load of extras in poorly applied
blackface. [...] By no means always played straight, Three Sergeants of Bengal
does keep it light and in execution feels, at times, more like Carry On Up The
Khyber (1968 / trailer)
than Zulu (1964 / trailer).
A cunning ambush plan, with a complexity to rival the boardgame Mousetrap, is
executed and a retreating enemy is massacred to the sounds of heroic music as
featherweight barrels and sandbags get tossed around in the mayhem of battle.
Jaw-dropping yet ultimately priceless."
Temple of the White Elephant
(1964, writ & dir. Umberto Lenzi)
Italian title: Sandok, il Maciste della giungla. Another pro-Colonialist movie. Co-written
with Fulvio Gicca Palli, who eventually also wrote the fun Italo Strangers on a
Train (1951 / trailer)
inspired "thriller" Designated Victim (1971 / trailer).
First 10 Minutes of
Temple of the White Elephant:
One of Lenzi's less-seen movies, it stars
Sean Flynn. Who? Errol Flynn's son, Sean, an adventure-seeking heartthrob of a man
whose end was tragic. As Wikipedia
explains; "Sean Leslie Flynn (31 May 1941 – June 1971; declared legally
dead in 1984) was an American actor and freelance photojournalist best known
for his coverage of the Vietnam War. Flynn was the only child of Australian-American
actor Errol Flynn and his first wife, French-American actress/singer Lili Damita (10 July 1904 – 21 March 1994) [photo below].
After studying briefly at Duke University, Sean Flynn embarked on an acting
career. He retired by the mid-1960s to become a freelance photojournalist under
contract to Time. In search of exceptional images, he traveled with special
forces units and irregulars operating in remote areas. While on assignment in
Cambodia in April 1970, Flynn and fellow photojournalist Dana Stone were
captured by communist guerrillas. Neither man was seen or heard from again. In
1984, Flynn's mother had him declared dead in absentia."
Somewhere along
the way before disappearing, Sean Flynn also tried his hand at singing and released a two-sided
single.
Sean Flynn sings
Secret Love:
Sandok, il Maciste della giungla is so rarely seen, the only plot
description we could find was a User Review from 2001 (!) at imdb from VideoImports
(videoImports@aol.com): "In
India, a group of religious fanatics, the Sikkim rebels, capture an English
lieutenant and the daughter of the Viceroy. The Sikkim belong to the deadly
sect of the White Elephant, and are very cunning and dangerous. Lieutenant Dick
Ramsey (Sean Flynn), captain of the lancers, engineers a scheme to save the two
captives. After having been degraded and locked up in order to trick the
rebels, he escapes, and makes his way into the jungle to find the mysterious
temple. Along the way he meets Sandok (Mimmo Palmara) and Prince Dahara, who
both join Ramsey in unmasking the sect and saving the two captives. This film
was made right after Lenzi's similar jungle film, Sandokan, I Tigre della
Malesia, so it contains many similar locales and actors. [...] This is a really
fantastic adventure, with lots of steamy jungle footage, exotic locales, and
enough action to make it well worth the watch."
Sean Flynn sings
Stay In My Heart:
Messalina vs. the
Son of Hercules
(1964 , dir Umberto Lenzi)
"Contains more loin than your average
cow."
Italian title: L'ultimo gladiatore. Another movie with Richard Harrison, still
beefcake at the age of 29 — that's him packing the jeans below, looking like a
living George Quaintance painting. Of the two scriptwriters of Messalina vs.
the Son of Hercules, Albert Valentin was a Belgium-born filmmaker whose career
as a director pretty much ended by the end of the 1940s, but two of the movies
he made under the occupying Nazi forces, La vie de plaisir (1944) and Marie-Martine
(1943), might have become classics were they not tainted by the scent of
collaboration.
The German website Zelluloid
has a plot description: "41 BC. The cruel emperor Caligula (Charles
Borromel of The Blade Master aka Ator 2 [1984 / German trailer]
and Joe D'Amato's Absurd [1981 / trailer]
and The Emperor Caligula: The Untold Story [1982 / trailer]),
ruler of the Roman Empire, is waging a pointless war against Britain. When the
British warrior of Glaucus (Richard Harrison) catches his eye, Caligula takes
him as a prisoner to Rome, where he lets him appear in gladiator fights.
Messalina (Lisa Gastoni), wife of Claudius, watches in horror as the insane
Caligula makes his horse a Senator and passes ever-more insane laws. With the
help of Glaucus, she plans to overthrow Caligula."
Along for the ride is Glaucus'
likewise enslaved girlfriend Ena (Marilù Tolo, seen above in bed, of Django
Kill... If You Live, Shoot! [1967])…
Trailer to
Django Kill... If You Live, Shoot!
Over at imdb, back in 2011 melvelvit-1
from the suburbs of NYC commented: "Historical events such as Caligula
making his horse a senator and Messalina's orgies figure into the story and the
beefcake heroics of a chastely-clad Richard Harrison take a back seat whenever
Caligula & Co. are on screen, especially Messalina. Beautiful auburn-haired
Lisa Gastoni was appropriately imperious and didn't disappoint as the sadistic
wife of Emperor Claudius who delights in whipping Glaucus' girlfriend and
complains when she can't see the lovers roast because of all the smoke in the
drastically scaled down Coliseum arena. […]"
Credit sequence to
Messalina vs. the Son of Hercules:
Temple of a Thousand
Lights
(1965, dir. Umberto Lenzi)
Italian title: La montagna di luce. Lenzi in Malaysia again, and though the
movie is based on an Emilio Salgari book, it is neither a Sandokan movie nor
does it have Steve Reeves: instead, Richard Harrison (showing his tan line
further below) is there for the ride playing the lead character "Allan Foster". (For some strange reason, the "Tony
Randal" of the book, La montagna di luce (1902), got changed to
"Allan Foster".) The flick is also notable for some pretty embaressing "brown-face".
Though Sandokan does not appear anywhere in
the movie, Temple of a Thousand Lights has appeared at times marketed as a Sandokan movie.
Scene from
Temple of a Thousand Lights:
Mya DVD
seems to be the only person who's seen the film to be inspired to write about
it: "La montagna di luce […] has a hero whose moral compass is dictated by
circumstances and self-interest, though his fear factor is almost zero. Richard
Harrison plays Alan Foster, a care-free gambler/traveler/thief/scoundrel who
loses all his money in a game with the powerful Rajah Sindar (Daniele Vargas of
Caltiki, the Immortal Monster [1959 / trailer],
Cemetery Without Crosses [1969 / trailer]
and The Arena [1974 / trailer below]). Owing the Rajah more money than he
can ever hope to acquire, he must pay back the debt or face certain death. The
Rajah informs him of one possibility of payment: acquiring the heavily
protected 'Mountain of Light', a fabulous diamond that holds significant
religious value, as well as unheard of monetary worth. The debt will be
dismissed if Foster gets the diamond for the Rajah. Foster escapes from the
Rajah's palace, where he was imprisoned and, seduced by the wealth the jewel represents,
proceeds on a journey to try to steal the diamond for himself. Along the way he
meets up with Sitama, a faking fakir, played by dance choreographer and actor
Wilbert Bradley. […]
"The two team up to acquire this coveted jewel that can
bring incredible riches to its owner and guarantee a life of pleasure and
indolence. […] There is a love interest that evolves later in the film [with
Lilamani (Luciana Gilli)], and this is the film's weakest element, as it's one
of those affairs that only is real in cinema: enduring love based on a few
moments of meeting. […]"
Trailer to The Arena (1974),
starring Pam Grier:
008:
Operation Exterminate
(1965, writ "Humphrey Humbert"
& dir. Umberto Lenzi)
Italian title: A 008 operazione sterminio. Lenzi finally leaves the jungle, not to mention ancient Greece or Italy. No more
peplums for him — time for Eurospy films! (And if he can't have 007, then
he'll have 008!)
According to the Wild Eye:
"This was the first in a series of four spy films Umberto Lenzi made for
producer Fortunato Misiano. […] Lenzi became an accomplished director of
giallos, war movies and crime films, but his spy movies are generally
considered to be a rather motley bunch, hamstrung by their lack of budget and
original ideas. Partially, this is also because until recently they've only
been available in dreadful, 4th or 5th generation dupes which look as though
they've been painted over with tarmac. In recent years, however, aficionados
have taken the trouble to re-dub or subtitle them, and although 008 Operation
Exterminate is by no means a good film it's not as terrible as is sometimes
said."
Kult Eye Bleeder
has the plot: "American secret agent 008 (Ingrid Schoeller, above) and agent 006
from British secret intelligence services (Alberto Lupo of Night of Violence [1965
/ scene]
and Sodom 2000
aka Action (1980 / scene])
start to work together to locate anti-radar device. Their investigations start
from Cairo, Egypt and later takes them to Switzerland. […]"
Italian Film Review
is of the opinion that "The plot is wafer thin. This should not really
matter too much as the story […] is little more than a frame on which to hang a
series of confrontations with enemy agents set against delightful scenery and
involving pistols, gadgets and karate chops. […] The film […] features a female
Bond figure of a lead. 008, armed with a tear gas dispensing lipstick, is
played by Ingrid Schoeller and she has a male sidekick. This gender role
reversal in itself sets the film apart from so many entries to the genre but
the original point of reference and obvious influence is underscored as the
camera homes in on a copy of Live and Let Die by Ian Fleming. […] Mod fashion,
breathtaking Egyptian and Alpine vistas, and a villain (Sal Borgese of Death
Carries a Cane [1973 / trailer] and Green Inferno [1980 / trailer])
who fires daggers from a prosthetic hand are just some of the delights in
store. A couple of frankly crackers head-scratching twist and turns in the
final minutes subvert the predictable linear narrative and add further interest
to this superior Eurospy outing."
First
four minutes of
008: Operation
Exterminate:
Super Seven
Calling Cairo
(1965, writ. & dir. Umberto Lenzi)
Italian title: Superseven chiama Cairo. The plot, as paraphrased from the German
website Zelluloid:
"A difficult case for Martin Stevens, aka Agent Super Seven (Roger Browne of The
Lone Road [1916 / trailer]
and, most famously, Argoman the Fantastic Superman [1967 / trailer]),
whose missions around the world are top secret and highly explosive. This time
as well. Radioactive material has disappeared from a Liverpool laboratory.
Who's behind it? Someone unknown managed to hide the stolen goods in a camera —
which is on its way to Cairo! Agent Super Seven is on his own. With a lot of
people on his heels: the Russian intelligence service also wants to get a hold
of the camera. Their methods are not exactly fair, which is why Mr. Stevens
should be rather careful when hot women make beautiful eyes at him — because,
who knows who's paying them to do so?"
The Eurobabes of the movie include Fabienne
Dali (of the great Kill Baby, Kill [1966 / trailer], seen belowbut not from this film here)
and the great and Rosalba Neri (of, among many noteworthy films, Lady Frankenstein
[1971] and José Ramón Larraz's
La muerte incierta [1973]).
Monster Hunter,
which says "Director Umberto Lenzi […] manages to deliver a mostly dull
picture punctuated by outbursts of almost laughable moments", points out
the truth: "Superseven is the guy who gets the assignments that James Bond
would reject as not flashy enough. Thwarting supervillains bent on world
domination and equipped with monstrous secret bases is one thing, but
recovering the zoom lens from a primitive video camera is something best left
to a junior varsity squadder like Superseven."
German credit sequence:
The Spy Who
Loved Flowers
(1966, writ & dir. "Herbert
Humphry" aka Umberto Lenzi)
Italian title: Le spie amano i fiori. The sequel to Super Seven Calling Cairo. As
Monster Hunter
puts it, "Director Umberto Lenzi gets another chance to use a historical
location (the Acropolis) to show us that Martin's codename should have been
Stupidseven. […] For obvious reasons, this was the final Superseven adventure.
For reasons much less obvious, Lenzi and Roger Browne would team up again the
next year for another Eurospy effort, Last Man to Kill."
Fan-made trailer to
The Spy Who Loved Flowers:
Aveleyman
has the plot: "Superseven goes around assassinating folks who stole some
vaguely defined MacGuffin. [A dildo-like device called 'The Gamma
Electroscometron'.] He might meet his match running against the bad guy (Fernando
Cebrián of House of 1000 Dolls [1967 / trailer])
of the title, though. Not bad, but a bit dour and listless. The dubbing is also
more of a hindrance than usual (all Brits don't sound like Ronald Colman). Way
too much travelogue footage and zoom throttling […]."
The
Bad Girl of the movie, Mei Ling, is
played by Yoko Tani (2 Aug 1928 – 19 April 1999), seen below looking
sexy as a stereotype for a French postcard; she's also found in First Spaceship on Venus
(1960 / trailer)
and Invasion (1966 / trailer).
The lead female, Emma Danieli (14 Oct 1936 – 21 June 1998), had an even
more limited career but is nevertheless found in a much better movie
than this one, The Last Man on Earth(1964).
Superseven being incompetent:
Last Man to Kill
(1966. Writ & dir Umberto Lenzi)
Italian title: Un milione di dollari per sette
assassini. Lenzi's fourth and last
(semi)Eurospy
movie, once again with Roger Browne, but not as Superseven aka
Stupidseven. We call the movie "(semi)Eurospy" because although the
flick has all the trappings
of a Europay movie, Browne's character is actually a master thief.
Co-scriptwriter Gianfranco Clerici went on
to work on many Eurotrash classics and favs, including Lucio Fulci's Don't
Torture a Duckling (1972 / trailer),
Murder Rock: Dancing Death (1984 / trailer)
and The New York Ripper (1982 / trailer),
Ruggero Deodato's Last Cannibal World (1977 / trailer),
a film originally intended for Lenzi), Phantom of Death (1988 / trailer),
The House on the Edge of the Park (1980 / trailer,
with David Hess)
and Cannibal Holocaust
(1980 / trailer),
and other fine stuff like Nazi Love Camp 27 (1977 / fan-made trailer)
— one and all better movies than this one.
To paraphrase the German website Die-besten-horrorfilme,
the plot should be as follows: "The wily but charming crook Michael King (Roger
Browne) has made his way to Africa, where he executes one spectacular coup
after another. Due to skillful disguises, no one can identify him — but he
always leaves behind his calling card, a King playing card. A wealthy
businessman offers him $10,000 to locate his missing adoptive son. But King
finds only his body. Now, he is given a far more lucrative offer: he should kill
the murderers. The hunt is on. King tells his victims in advance that their
days are numbered, and panic breaks out in the group. But King finds himself caught in a web full
of intrigue and..."
Credit sequence:
Kriminal
(1966, writ & dir Umberto Lenzi)
Leaving Eurospies behind him, Lenzi turned to
the Italian Fumetti neri
for his next movie. Unable to get the rights to either Diabolik or Satanik — Mario
Bava filmed Danger Diabolik in 1968 (trailer), the same year that
Piero Vivarelli filmed Satanik (trailer)
— Lenzi turned to Kriminal, an anti-hero created by writer "Max
Bunker" (i.e., Luciano Secchi) and artist "Magnus" (i.e., Robert
Raviola).
Opening credits:
In the comics, Kriminal's real name was
Anthony Logan, and he first turned to crime to avenge the death of his father.
Dressed in a black and yellow jumpsuit with a skeleton motif and wearing a
skull mask, he began his career as a coldblooded sadistic killer that would
kill as quickly as spit, but over time he became a sort of semi-hero. Despite
being married (to the ex-fiancée of his arch-enemy Inspector Milton), Kriminal seduces
and screws (and usually kills) one babe after the other. Lenzi went for a much
lighter tone in his version of the character, making him much less a
psychopathic sex killer.
The Tell-Tale Mind
says, "In this particular caper, Kriminal ("Glenn Saxon" aka
Roel Bos) is out to steal some diamonds, but to do so, he must con his way
through a number of people before reaching his end goal and all the while evading
the police and a determined Scotland Yard inspector as played by Andrea Bosic
(of Formula for Murder [1985 / trailer]
and Manhattan Baby
[1982]). The film is packed with beautiful women, almost all of whom Kriminal
must seduce in order to get the goods and what is more than a little funny
about it all is that the women are just as corrupt as he is. Helga Liné (of Horror
Express [1972 / trailer],
Nightmare Castle [1965 / full movie],
Jose Ramón Larraz's Estigma [1980] and much, much more) plays
twin sisters who have stolen the diamonds from someone else and it is she that
Kriminal must conquer if he is to get the diamonds he covets. While the movie
begins as a more comedic effort, Kriminal trying to avoid the Inspector
wherever he goes and playing with people as he would a game of chess, it soon
turns into a bit of a suspenseful thriller […]. That being said, it could have
been a little more exciting as those moments when Kriminal was not doing
something related to his crimes were, for lack of a better word, slightly
boring. […]"
Married life:
Desert
Commandos
(1967, writ & dir. Umberto Lenzi)
Italian title: Attentato ai tre grandi. Lenzi enters the genre of macaroni combat
with a WWII movie in which five German soldiers are the heroes (!). Added
unusual aspect: former American beefcake model Ken Clark (4 June 1927 – 1 June
2009), of Attack of the Giant Leeches
(1959) and 12 to the Moon (1960 / trailer),
plays the film's racist Nazi fanatic Captain Fritz Schoeller, while the German Horst
Frank (28 May 1929 – 25 May 1999), of The
Head (1959 / full movie)
and The Dead Are Alive / The Etruscan
Kills Again (1972 / trailer),
plays the less-fanatical half-American, Jew-friendly Nazi Lt. Roland Wolf.
The
photo below is of a slim, naked and hairy Ken Clark, from a time when
men did not shave their chests... among everything else. Contrary to
what many believe, he was not an "eternal bachelor": when the notably bulging man (get a gander of that shapely outline in Attack of the Giant Leeches!) moved on to swinging Italy for the wild life of a single movie star, he left behind a wife and five kids.
Mondo Esoterica
has the plot: "Parachuted behind enemy lines in Tunisia, [5 German
soldiers] are disguised as British Commandos and are to make their way across
the desert to Casablanca where the Big Three (Churchill, Stalin and Roosevelt)
are going to be meeting and there they are going to kill the leaders of these
countries. [...] The mission seems to be going to plan, but the Americans seem
all too aware of the group's plans and progress... "
Most people don't seem to find the movie
all the good — too many plot holes — but over at imdb, Sgt Slaughter
from St. Davids, Pennsylvania, USA, says, "Italian director Umberto Lenzi
[...] begins his career in the war genre with a slam-bang suspense piece which
proves to be, undoubtedly, one of the best war movies to come out of Italy in
the 1960s. The story is fresh and original, and presented with unique twists
from beginning to end. [...] Lenzi's film is a true example of character-driven
drama at its best. Ken Clark is Captain Schoeller, leader of the unit, and he's
never less than totally convincing as a die-hard advocate of Hitler and Nazism.
Horst Frank plays Lt. Wolf with gusto and conviction. [...] Despite their
dissension, both are dedicated soldiers who have a job to get done, and
grudgingly work together to accomplish the mission. Lenzi never strays far from
this central conflict of ideals, always keeping his message clearly in focus."
(Message?)
Full Movie:
Il figlio di Aquila Nera
(1968, dir. "James Reed", aka Guido
Malatesta)
The Italian title translates into"The
Son of the Black Eagle". Umberto Lenzi is credited for the story to
this Italian movie that doesn't seem to have ever had an English-language
release. "Dick Palmer" is the anglicized name of Italo muscleman
Mimmo Palmara, which he usually adopted for his spaghetti westerns. The
delectable Edwige Fenech (of They're Coming to Get You [1972 /
trailer],
The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh [1971 / trailer], Five Dolls for an August Moon [1970 / trailer],
Phantom of Death [1980 / trailer]
and much more) is there as well... the photo of her below is not from the
movie.
The plot, freely translated from the German
website Zelluloid:
"The Cossacks are involved in a battle led by Alessio Andrejewis (Dick
Palmer), son of the famous 'Black Eagle', who is famous for having repelled the
revolt led by General Volkansky (Franco Ressel of Blood and Black Lace [1964 /
trailer]
and Seven Dead in the Cat's Eye
[1973]) against the Cossacks. During a heavy counter-attack against the palace
of the Governor, three of the Black Eagle's men are captured and sentenced to
death. During an attempt to gain their freedom, Alessio is also captured — but
Captain Romanoff's niece (Edwige Fenech, seen below, not from the movie) helps them escape. Volkansky takes up
the pursuit, it comes to fighting and Volkansky is killed in a duel. Now, the
Black Eagle demands that the Tsar to give the Cossacks freedom and
independence...."
Somewhere out there, in some German-speaking country, the movie was released with a great Barbara Cartland-style poster art.
The only other description of the movie we
could find, from 11 March 2001 and by VideoImports (videoImports@aol.com), is at the imdb. It
calls the movie an "action-packed costume adventure from Italy" and
offers a slightly different take on the plot: "After Czar Alexander II
names the vicious General Volkonsky as governor of the Caucasus, the Cossacks
decide to plan a revolt. Alessio Andrejevic, a young nobleman, adopts his
father's alias, 'the Black Eagle', and begins to free villagers from the terror
and tyranny of Imperial Russia. This film boasts some wonderful cinematography
by Augusto Tiezzi, as well as favorable roles for Mimmo Palmara, Loris Gizzi,
and Andrea Aureli (the latter of whom actually gets to play a good guy for a
change). This film also has a remarkable music score (by Angelo Francesco
Lavagnino), and contains one of the best battle scenes I've ever witnessed! The
fact that Umberto Lenzi wrote the original storyline for this film is icing on
the cake. This film is simply too good to be true."
The movie,
in Italian:
Pistol
for a Hundred Coffins
(1968, dir. Umberto Lenzi)
The Italian title: Una pistola per cento bare. Aka A Gun for One Hundred Graves and Vengeance.
Lenzi does his first of only two spaghetti westerns, this one written by Marco Leto and Vittorio
Salerno and based on a story by Eduardo Manzanos Brochero. Manzanos Brochero
later worked on the scripts of Night of the Devils (1972 / gory scene)
and innumerable spaghetti westerns; Vittorio Salerno went on to direct The
Savage Three (1975 / 15 minutes),
featuring the hunky bad actor Joe Dallesandro,
and No, the Case Is Happily Resolved (1973 / soundtrack).
Mondo Esoterica,
which says "Una Pistola per Cento Bare is a decent, but rather generic
Spaghetti Western, with pedestrian direction, some average performances and a
script that misses a lot of interesting potential but does at least build to a
good ending," has the plot: "When the Civil War breaks out, Jim Slade
(Peter Lee Lawrence) refuses to fight, citing his Jehovah's Witness faith and he
is duly sentenced to two and a half years of hard labour. After the war he is
released and returns home where he finds his family have been murdered and
their farm looted. Decrying his pacifism, Jim sets out to track down the four
men responsible, killing three of them easily — but the fourth, Corbett (Piero
Lulli), is leading a ruthless gang in an assault on a small town bank and Jim
finds himself drawn into the middle of the fight to defend the town, although
he is hampered by the escape of a gang of axe-murdering lunatics locked up in
the town asylum. […] The story […] is pretty typical Spaghetti Western stuff,
the addition of the crowd of jailed axe-wielding lunatics is the only thing
that really makes the film stand out, but it does seem like those scenes were
simply added for that reason and […] play no real part in the plot. […] Pacing
is pretty slow but fortunately the build up to the climax is strong with some
clever twists and turns and the ending is very fitting."
Trailer to
A Gun for One Hundred Graves:
Though forgotten today, the German actor Peter
Lee Lawrence (born Karl Hyrenbach on February 21, 1944) was a popular and busy
leading man of the spaghetti western genre. His un-credited debut was only a
year previously, in 1965, as the brother-in-law of Lee Van Cleef in For a Few
Dollars More (trailer), but his name was already a draw by A Gun for One
Hundred Graves. But six years later, on 20 August 1974, he died from one of the
most aggressive cancers known to man, glioblastoma (a form of brain cancer). He
was only 30 years old. And now he's forgotten and unknown.
The other headliner, John Ireland, once
directed the granddaddy of the current unstoppable franchise of the same name, The
Fast and the Furious (1955 / teaser),
and is known for many an A and B film — the latter (including I Saw What You
Did [1965 / trailer], The House of Seven Corpses [1974 / trailer]
and Welcome to Arrow Beach [1974 / trailer])
being for what we remember him best.
According to forgotten actress Joanne Dru (31 Jan 1922 – 10 Sept 1996),
Ireland's "staunch Republican" wife from 1949 to 57, Ireland was hung
like a horse: "I got John, and he ruined me for all other men. […] John,
I'm sure, had more than Monty [Clift], Marlon [Brando] and Jimmy [Dean] put
together. (Brando Unzipped, by Darwin Porter.)" That's John "Long Dong" Ireland above from some western, possibly Go for Broke (1968), obviously — as in many of his movies — not wearing underwear.
Go for Broke
(1968, dir. Umberto Lenzi)
Italian title: Tutto per tutto. Aka All Out. "A minor but entertaining
movie with an excellent cast of spaghetti western regulars."
Lenzi's
second and last spaghetti western, once again from the pen of Eduardo Manzanos
Brochero and, returning for his second Lenzi spaghetti western in a row, John "Horse" Ireland (of Salon Kitty
[1976 / trailer],
Satan's Cheerleaders [1977 / trailer]
and Guyana: Cult of the Damned [1979 / trailer]). Ireland
headlines alongside Mark Damon, who entered the acting biz a few years before
his first "big" success in The House of Usher (1960 / trailer)
and pretty much left it after the two cut classics Hannah, Queen of the
Vampires (1973 / trailer)
and The Devil's Wedding Night (1973 / trailer);
he's now a super-successful independent film producer.
The blog Not the Baseball Pitcher
has the plot: "Owl and Johnny's first meeting doesn't get off to a good
start. […] Their next meeting Owl (John "The Whopper" Ireland) spots
Johnny (Mark Damon) being cheated in a card game and helps him get his revenge,
clearing his name. In the shootout with the cheater, at the man's ranch, Johnny
saves two Mexicans about to be killed. Paco Nunez (Eduardo Fajardo) and Jose
Gomez (Armando Calvo) then offer Johnny a cut of a fortune if he and his gun
throw in with them. The gold had been stolen by bandit Carrancha (Fernando
Sancho) and his gang, then stolen by an Indian named Copper Face (José Torres) from
him. […] Maria (Mónica Randall), Carrancha's girl friend pops up and offers to
help them find the Indian. […] He stole the gold because Maria was his wife and
had left him for Carrancha. […] And once the gold is found, well you know what
greed can do […]."
Over at imdb, unbrokenmetal
(from Hamburg, Germany) says "This western is a good example how to achieve
a lot with very little. It's a simple story, straight violent fun, and the main
characters know all the tricks of the trade. An entertaining hour and a half,
nothing more, nothing less."
The eye-catching Monica Randall is also
found in such fun stuff as El monte de las brujas / The Witches Mountain (1975
/ full movie),
My Dear Killer (1972 / trailer),
Paul Naschy's Inquisition (1978 / fan trailer) and more.
