Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Creepozoids (USA, 1987 Trailer)

(Trailer) Creepozoids, one of famed director David DeCoteau’s earliest directorial efforts, is without a doubt also one of his best films – but anyone who is familiar with his work also knows that that doesn’t mean much. Creepozoids is a hilariously lame blast from the past, a high-point of low-budget,1980s filmic ineptitude with a typical vomitorious synth score, bad hair and lousy clothes, a mostly talentless (or at least extremely inexperienced) cast, laughable special effects and hilarious story development. But, for all its innate and obvious flaws, Creepozoids is miles above and far more enjoyable than so many of DeCoteau’s later and more technically proficient (but miserable) cinematic forays such as Blonde Heaven (1995) or Retro Puppet Master (1999). Hell, if he made more films this hilariously bad, he would have a much better name as a director.
Like so many films of the time, Creepozoids is a post-apocalyptic sci-fi story; and, like so many films of its time, it is written by the number and is far more badly made than it is creative or interesting. But if you like gratuitous naked shower scenes (Yeah!), rubber-suit monsters (Yeah!), gory ooze (Yeah!), plastic killer mutant babies (Yeah!) and a body count of brainless victims (Yeah!) and have absolutely no creative or intellectual demands or any expectation of obvious directorial or acting talent – then this piece of low-grade fluff might be your thing.
As is also typical of so many of the post- apocalyptic flicks of the 80s, Creepozoids is set in the “near future”: 1998, a few years after the world has been reduced to rubble by World War III. After a brief opening of some fat chick (Joi Wilson – who should have shot her hairstylist) in an almost empty lab room who responds to the noise outside the door by asking “anybody there” before finally opening the door and (as to be expected) deservedly dying, the remaining five cast begin earning their drug money. Five young military deserters – decked out in hip clothing that just arrived from the Laundromat – are on their way somewhere when they are forced to seek shelter from acid rain in an abandoned governmental research facility – a facility which seems to consist of only two hallways, two rooms and a shower. People wander around, paper-mâché heads falls out from somewhere, a rubber monster attacks a couple of times, there is the mandatory nude shower (featuring “scream queen” Linnea Quigley, who looks fucking ugly in the flick but has a great body) and a lot of ooze and gore as the characters die one by one. Oddly enough, although Bianca (Linnea Quigley) gets to show her bouncing boobs, the film’s other main female character Kate does not, despite the fact that the actress Kim McKamy (recently seen in Willard (2003) as a bitchy office co-worker) is by far the more attractive of the two girls. (Since Creepozoids, Kim McKamy has regularly shown more on video: as Ashlyn Gere she struts her stuff and has demonstrates certain talents in such films as Club Head (1990), Lethal Squirt (1991), Ashlyn Rising (1995), Cock Smokers 12 (1999) and Sunset Stripped (2002), to name but a few of dozens of hand-helpers that she has graced. In the censored photo included here, she is enjoying the salami of the famed (and hung) Italian stud Rocco Siffredi.) Regrettably, in Creepozoids, instead of shaking her boobies, Kate gets to shake an oversized mutant rat in a scene that most strongly brings to mind the famous segment in Ed Wood’s masterful Bride of the Monster (1955) in which Bela Lugosi fights an un-moving monster by twisting the creature’s tentacle around himself.
As mentioned before, we see Linnea's tits and people die and mutate and ooze, but a true highlight of the flick has to be the mutant plastic baby that crawls from the rubber-suit monster’s innards after the latter is finally killed by Butch (Ken Abraham – say, are we related, dude?). The mutant baby's appearance enables DeCoteau to stretch the film’s running time, and it is luckily also good for a few laughs.
And that actually, is all that the entire film is good for: a few laughs. (But then, few DeCoteau productions are normally even good for that.) Don’t expect anything more and you might enjoy the flick for what it is: vintage badly made trash.

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