Short Film: How to Undress in Front of Your Husband (USA, 1937)

Poster thanks to The Cinema Masochist.

"I think this worry is about over, though. In a few moments, Trixie will fold up like a dump truck and call it a day. Yes, I was right. The dreadnought is about to drop anchor."

Narrator (Albert Van Antwerp)

Another early "educational" blast from the past by those classic purveyors of road show sleaze, the great Dwain Esper (director) and his wife, Hildegarde Stadie ("adaptation"), the dynamic duo who also brought us one of our favorite "guilty pleasures", Maniac (1934). Maniac was one of the many movies we saw in 2013, and one of the select few that made it to our list of Ten Best in 2013. (And what a list it was, that year!) We even recommended this short here in our review of that slab of sublime celluloid trash, but we feel it time to finally present How to Undress in Front of Your Husband as our Film of the Month. Hard to believe that something this quaint was ever considered scandalous. It was made the same year as Esper & Stadie's other "educational" short How to Take a Bath, which, aside from supposedly featuring the same two leads, has entered the realm of the Lost Film (please check your attic).

Enjoy of Short Film of the Month for March 2016 —

How to Undress in Front of Your Husband:

 

As Dangerous Minds explains it, "The short film you’re about to take a look at is more than just a cheap, extraordinarily sexist exploitation film from 1937. Indeed, How to Undress in Front of Your Husband is most certainly that, but if you can put the stupidity of the attitudes expressed in the film aside momentarily, you’ll notice that it also happens to be surrounded by a bunch of weird, perhaps even interesting facts. Case in point: It involves the huckster distributer of  Reefer Madness (1936 / trailer / full film / remake [2005] trailer) and his salacious screen writing wife, the film bears a mysterious similarity to a LIFE magazine article featuring photos of ex-burlesque stripper, June St. Clair made in the same year, one of the lead characters (such as there are characters) is the fourth wife of John Barrymore and the other lead character was an ahead-of-her-time suffragette."

The wife of John Barrymore, his fourth and last, is of course Elaine Barrie (née Jacobs; 16 Jul 1915 — 1 Mar 2003); he was 37 years older and an alcoholic when they married. Her only known feature-film credit is Midnight (1939 / trailer), with her husband; later, she spent many years living as a "designer" on Haiti. 

The other lead character, the full-figured "ahead-of-her-time suffragette" shown above, is Trixie Friganza (born Delia O'Callahan, 29 Nov 1870 — 27 Feb 1955), a one-time popular vaudevillian artist and stage actress who ended her years mostly forgotten and teaching at a convent school, which she also left all her worldly goods. According to Wikipedia, "During the height of her career, she used her fame to promote social, civic, and political issues of importance, such as self-love and the Suffragist movement." Friganza's appearance here is perhaps a bit sad, as it was in the twilight of her career (she was soon forced to retire due to health reasons), and while her (at the time politically incorrect) stage comedy act was built around her physical shortcomings, the film is more than degrading in its treatment of her, a woman who deserves more remembrance than she ever has received.

Trixie Friganza "sings"

The Girl from Honolulu:

Trailers of Promise: Mad Monster Party (USA, 1967)

Directed by Jules Bass. Jules Bass (born 16 September 1935) was one half of Rankin/Bass Productions, Inc., a US American production he founded on 14 September 1960 as Videocraft International, with his partner Arthur Rankin, Jr. (19 July 1924—30, Jan 2014). Rankin/Bass specialized in stop-motion features (usually for TV) made using their self-named "Animagic" technique, though they also made an occasional live action or traditional animated movie. Most baby-boomers and elder Gen-Xers are familiar with one or another of their movies, above all the 1964 stop-motion TV production Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (remix trailer), which was at one point as much of an annual TV tradition as the annual broadcast of The Wizard of Oz (1939 / trailer). [As we no longer live the US, we have no idea if either film is still a traditional annual broadcast.]

Trailer to

Mad Monster Party:

Mad Monster Party is one of their rare stop-motion, feature-film productions, starring the voices (and likenesses) Boris Karloff and Phyllis Diller. The project was probably spurred by the TV popularity of campy monsters, as exemplified by series such as The Addams Family (1964-66) and The Munsters (1964-66). The great Harvey Kurtzman, of Mad magazine and EC comics, had a hand in writing the script; popular if unsupported rumor has Forrest J. Ackerman involved in the script as well. Interesting trivia: this was the last project associated with Frankenstein that Boris Karloff took part in, 36 years after gaining fame by playing the monster in James Whale’s Frankenstein (1931 / trailer).

This movie seems to now be a popular cult film, but we only stumbled upon it a few weeks ago. And while the trailer does pique our interest, it is the two music videos found further below that really make us want to see the movie. After years of neglect, within the last decade it has enjoyed a couple of remastered releases on DVD, most recently by Lionsgate. The film was released on Blu-ray on September 4, 2012.

Ethel Ennis sings

Mad Monster Party:

The plot, as found at TCM: "Aging Baron Boris von Frankenstein (Karloff), who lives on a Caribbean island with his monster, his wife (Phyllis Diller of The Boneyard [1991]), and his ward, Francesca (Gale Garnett of The Children [1980 / trailer]), discovers the secret of total destruction, thus completing research that began with the discovery of the secret of creation. He decides to hold a convention for the world's most renowned monsters so that he may choose a successor to lead the Worldwide Organization of Monsters and to inherit his secret. The guests include Dracula, The Werewolf, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, It, Yetch (a Peter Lorre characterization), The Invisible Man (as played by Claude Rains), Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, The Mummy, Quasimodo (as played by Charles Laughton), and King Kong. Felix Flanken (Allen Swift), Frankenstein's supposedly normal nephew, kept in ignorance of the proceedings, falls in love with Francesca, unaware that she is one of his uncle's mechanical creations. Intrigue follows intrigue as the monsters try to surpass one another to gain the prestigious position. Francesca meets with a surprise when Felix's identity is revealed."

In 1972, Rankin/Bass released the animation TV movie The Mad, Mad, Mad Monsters (1972 / trailer), a prequel of sorts to the original. The soundtrack was released in 1998 by Percepto.

The Mummy 

by Little Tibia and the Fibias

Zombeavers (USA, 2014)

 

Let's get down to it, you can't really fault a movie with a title like Zombeavers 'cause, like what? You expect the directorial talent of Orson Welles and don't find it? You miss the thespian abilities of actors like Meryl Streep or Samuel L. Jackson? The tight scriptwriting of the Coen Brothers? Jesus Christ, we're talking about a movie entitled Zombeavers, not cinematic fine art.

With a title like Zombeavers, you know what you're getting: trash that aims to be brainless, bloody, and funny entertainment. The only question is whether the flick sucks (it doesn't) or is any fun (it is, mostly). Zombeavers might be flawed, and it isn't anywhere near as brilliant as the classic bloodbath comedies Brain Dead (1992 / German trailer), the eternally underrated Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010), or even the lesser classic Return of the Living Dead (1985 / trailer), but it is far more fun than tedious and, oddly enough, has a lot of charm. It definitely gets two thumbs up from us.

But then again, we did watch this movie a week after we tortured ourselves with another teen exploiter with an equally ridiculous title, Teenage Caveman (2002), so perhaps our enjoyment of Zombeavers was tempered by the vile experience of the earlier film. Both shared many elements aside from the idiotic titles: young protagonists, exploitive nudity, sex, bad acting, an obvious low budget, violence, and gore. But whereas the older film generated nary a laugh and left us feeling oddly filthy, Zombeavers kept us in a good mood from the go, surprised us more than once, and all its sex and nudity was so ridiculous that it worked more as a source of off-color humor than as ephebophiliac exploitation (the girls at least look like young adults). People may die left and right, but rather unlike Teenage Caveman, Zombeavers isn't really a mean movie — despite scenes like that of a bloodily bitten-off male appendage of personality-forming importance.

The plot is typically mundane: three college gal-pals of equal attractiveness but varying annoyance, Mary (Rachel Melvin of Boo [2005]), Zoe (Cortney Palm of Silent Night [2012 / trailer]), and Jenn (Lexi Atkins), depart for a weekend alone at a cabin owned by Mary's cousin located next to a beaver-damned lake. Though meant as weekend for the gals, boyfriends current and soon-to-be past, Buck (Hutch Dano), Tommy (Jake Weary of Altitude [2012 / trailer] and It Follows [2014 / trailer]), and Sam (Peter Gilroy), show up and the fodder number rises to six college students, plus two neighbors, a dog or two, and a local hunter, Smyth (Rex Linn). As for the beavers, a funny pre-credit sequence reveals their origin: the typical lost canister of some mysterious chemical.

In other words, nothing overly creative or new about the basic setting, but the fun comes with what they do within this generic framework. The opening scene leading up to the loss of the canister, for example, has some surprisingly intelligent and funny dialog culminating in a bumper full of blood. This in turn segues into a surprisingly well-made credit sequence (inspired, perhaps by the credit sequence of Catch Me If You Can [2002 / trailer]) which, combined with the prologue opening scene, does a lot to raise one's expectations.

True, when then we meet our heroines we are promptly confronted with acting and dialogue so bad that one fears that the worst expectations might prove founded, but luckily the next relatively weak 10 minutes fly past quickly enough and Zombeavers catches the curve and becomes surprisingly entertaining and enjoyable. And best of all: it is ridiculously funny without being completely stupid.

Though there are a few highpoints of gore humor — e.g., the ending of the opening sequence, a lesbian-come-on scene gone wrong, and the previously mentioned male appendage scene — Zombeavers is far less bloody than it could've been. In general, but for the prolog conversation between the two delivery men losers, the situational or visual jokes work better than those based on dialog. Logic doesn't really play all that important of a role, and all characterization is based cardboard stereotypes and archetypes, but had the film concentrated on either it would probably have been far less entertaining.

A major plus point is the total lack of CGI and, in turn, reliance on entertainingly cheesy animatronic models for the beavers, which in all truth are about as convincing as the rug-wearing dogs in the trash classic, The Killer Shrews (1959). (Unlike in that entertaining flick, however, the beavers here aren't meant to be taken seriously.) About the only times the effects don't really work on either a cheesy or gory level are in the nighttime scenes of a yard full of glowing eyes: here, the achieved look actually looks as if it were not intentional.

As a whole, Zombeavers's 77 minutes go by at a pleasant pace. The film doesn't overstay its welcome, but also doesn't feel rushed. The narrative just throws in everything expected (and a few things more) without meandering. Most of the humor won't win any awards, but as puerile as it often is, it still makes you laugh, giggle, or at least smile, even as you cringe at the thought of what is transpiring. And for being such one-note characters, a few actually become likeable; something due, perhaps, to the fact that as characters, most seem to actually care about each other.

Zombeavers: the title reveals the intelligence of the concept, but not how much fun the movie is. There are better blood-drenched zomcoms there — re: Peter Jackson's Brain Dead — but this one here is perfectly acceptable for a fun evening. Grab the beer, chips, and joint and enjoy a movie that delivers exactly what it promises. (How often does that happen in this modern world?)

Grabbers (Ireland/GB, 2012)

We like to drink. And we know many other people who like to drink. And when we all go out drinking together, we generally have a great time: we're witty and funny and party hardy and life is grand. That is how it is on the side of the bar that drinks, not serves. But on the side that serves, well, in another life that lasted some 15 years, 10 of which was spent serving the drinks — the other 5 were spent hiring and firing those who served them — we learned something: drunk people aren't funny. At least, not if you're not drunk, too. (Luckily, in Berlin, at least in the bars we worked in, drunken bartenders were employable and socially acceptable.)

But we weren't drunk when we watched Grabbers, a comedy monster film, with five similarly sober friends. And though we drank while watching, we never actually got drunk — or at least not drunk enough to enjoy this movie. Seldom were any of us more bored, and seldom have we laughed less.

Grabbers, the basic plot of which involves a remote Irish town that has to drink themselves into a drunken stupor to survive the onslaught of the titular monsters from outer space, which happen to be alergic to alcohol, is one dud of a movie: predictable from start to finish, almost never scary or in any way tense, thin on laughs, and full of unfunny drunken people.

Which isn't to say Grabbers doesn't have a few plus points. For one, it features Bronagh Gallagher (Botched [2007 / trailer] and Malice in Wonderland [2009 / trailer]) in a secondary role with a Betty Page haircut; we would have liked the film even less had she not been present, regardless of how minor her part.* Secondly, it has some truly fine cinematography and the landscape is fabulous — but then, the landscape of Ireland is fabulous, so that must be seen more as a credit to the country and not to this movie. (Believe us: if you've never driven through Ireland, do so; you might decide to move there.) Ditto with the great accents: the Irish lilt is always a pleasure to listen to, but again, this a credit to the land and not the movie. But other than the above three aspects, there is little to recommend in this predictable, almost trite, and definitely neither funny — OK, we did laugh when Dr. Adam Smith (Russell Tovey of Blackwood [2014 / trailer]) went flying through the air, but that was over half-way into the movie already — nor scary monster film.

* Her little exchange about renting the bridal suite reminded me of an exchange I had many years ago in Cork, but in reverse, in a sense. Having travelled through Ireland for 14 days with an Irishwoman friend — as in, non-sexual friendship — we arrived in Cork late in the evening and managed to find a bed & breakfast. When the lady of the house was showing us the room, the first room after 10 days in which the beds were separate, a fact that made both me and my friend happy, the proprietress suddenly chimed out with that fabulous accent: "Should I push the two beds together in case you want to commit a mortal sin?"

Were we in any way forgiving, we might also mention that the editing and lighting are first-rate, the CGI not shabby, the blocking and cinematography professional, and some of the acting (up until they play "drunk") is mildly good — but who gives a shit when the movie, as a whole, fails so miserably? It actually hurt now and then to see the good points wasted in a movie that was so predictable, so completely unoriginal. Hell, in the first scene that Garda Lisa Nolan (Ruth Bradley) has her coffee prepared by Garda Ciarán O'Shea (Richard Coyle of Outpost: Black Sun [2012 / trailer] and Franklyn [2008]), you already know they're going to end up a couple.

Why? Because the screenplay is by the number and has all the creativity of the pitch that was probably given: "Well, see, we take Tremors (1990 / trailer) and make the graboids into rolling octopuses called grabbers that drink blood, and move the setting from ugly Buttfuck USA to beautiful Buttfuck Ireland because the Irish like to drink and drunks are funny." Whoever green-lighted this thing must have been drunk is all that we can say.

How and why Grabbers gets so many good reviews is beyond us, and actually says less about the quality of the movie than the ease with which the masses are satisfied. Major bomb. Not funny. Total waste of time. Want a good, semi-contemporary monster movie? Go for Tremors — or, with less monster but with a similarly pro-drug attitude (yes, alcohol is a drug), the funny and suspensful teen horror flick, The Faculty (1998 / trailer). Or, if it's just suspense you want, Splinter (2008). But skip Grabbers. We sure wish we had.