Silent Night, Bloody Night (USA, 1970/72)

Silent Night, Bloody Night is the second feature film of director Theodore Gershuny (30 Oct 1933 – 16 May 2007), whose only other completed feature-length cinema release of note is the arty grindhouse exploiter Sugar Cookies (1973 / trailer), a film that pushes the envelope far more so than this muddled but oddly engrossing, Christmas-set proto-slasher. (As a holiday-set body counter, it beat everyone's favorite Golden Age gate-opening slasher, Halloween [1978 / trailer], to the silver screen by six years.)

Trailer to

Silent Night, Bloody Night:

 

Filmed in 1970 in New York at an Oyster Bay mansion originally built in the 1850s for New York Senator James Williams Beekman, Silent Night, Bloody Night sat on the shelf (due both to production complications and disinterest) until 1972, when a pre-Golan-Globus Cannon Films finally released it as Night of the Dark Full Moon to little fanfare. Re-released a year later with its current moniker (and some years later as Death House), Silent Night, Bloody Night remained relatively obscure until it reached TV, where regular screenings (including on Elvira's Movie Macabre) and its intriguing cast helped the movie gain some cult popularity. Today, Silent Night, Bloody Night is in the public domain and easily found online or on your local thrift store's DVD shelf, where any number of cheap DVD versions can usually be found.

Told mostly in flashback, Silent Night, Bloody Night is pretty much a narrative mess complete with flashbacks within flashbacks and some doozy, WTF plot twists, but director Gershuny, who in his early days definitely had a penchant for arty visuals and experimentation, does the best he can with what he has and manages to deliver a movie that is far more watchable and entertaining than it should be. Under even the lightest of scrutiny, most of the crucial plot points don't hold water at all, but the oddly nonsensical narrative combined with the art-film filmic flourishes and disjointed dialogue and the regularly interspersed (sometimes even bloody) deaths engender the film with an oddly moody, if not somewhat surreal, aura that goes a long way to keeping the viewer interested. As a proto-slasher, it does stand out for having a body count consisting mostly of geriatrics instead of teens.

For all the blood found in the film, however, Silent Night, Bloody Night remains surprisingly demure when it comes to naked flesh: there is no boobage and the slight and discreet disrobing scene of the truly beautiful Astrid Heeren — a former top model whose extremely limited screen career ended with this film — is indeed slight and discreet, barely showing more than her back (below, not from the film) and a bit of a tantalizing rear end. Here, Heeren plays Ingrid, the lover of the married real estate agent John Carter (Patrick O'Neal [26 Sept 1927 – 9 Sept 1994] of The Mad Magician [1954 / trailer], Chamber of Horror [1966 / trailer], The Stepford Wives 1975 / trailer] and The Stuff 1985 / trailer]); they are among the youngest of the cast, and as such fall victim to one of the later Golden Rules of the post-Halloween body counter: you have sex, you die.

Ignoring the opening and closing scenes with a reminiscing Diane Adams (Mary Woronov of Night of the Comet [1984]), the film's "final girl", the core narrative told in flashback concerns a house with a history, the Butler Mansion, inherited some twenty years earlier by Jeffrey Butler (James Patterson [29 Jun 1932 – 19 Aug 1972]* of Lilith [1964 / trailer] and Castle Keep [1969 / trailer]) from his "grandfather" Wilfred Butler (Philip Bruns [2 May 1931 – 8 Feb 2012] of Digital Man [1995 / trailer], Love Bites [1993 / full film], Dead Men Don't Die [1990 / trailer], and Return of the Living Dead: Part II [1988 / trailer]), whom we see perish in flames early in the film. For whatever reason, Jeffrey decides to sell the house, which not only seems to put the leading citizens of East Willard, Massachusetts — Mayor Adams (Walter Abel [6 Jun 1898 – 26 Mar 1987] of Fury [1936 / trailer]), Sheriff Mason (Walter Klavun [8 May 1906 – 14 Apr 1984] of Fright [1956 / trailer / full film]), switchboard operator Tess Howard (Fran Stevens [8 Mar 1919 – 2 Nov 1991] of The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight [1971 / trailer) and Charlie Towman (John Carradine [5 Feb 1906 – 27 Nov 1988]**), the mute publisher of the town paper — on edge, but also so enrages a patient at a nearby nuthouse as to cause him to break out of the institution. And so it comes that body count soon grows...

* One of the many complications the production suffered is that the 40-year-old Patterson, despite his apparent healthy appearance in the movie, died of cancer, prior to the completion of the film. As a result, his dialogue was subsequently dubbed by another [unknown] actor. 

** It must be mentioned that despite his natural presence, the John Carradine (of Buried Alive [1989], The Monster Club [1981], Vampire Hookers [1978], Shock Waves [1977], The White Buffalo [1977] and House of Frankenstein [1944]) is oddly wasted in this movie: as his character cannot speak, he never does much more than ring a bell or make a croaking-like sound — nevertheless, although he plays a part that could have been played by any old geezer, his is, as always, an enjoyable plus to the movie.

As mentioned, the convoluted and extremely porous plot of Silent Night, Bloody Night is incapable of withstanding even the slightest of scrutiny, so one should not go into the movie expecting it to truly work on a narrative level. On the whole, the movie is less an unpolished gemstone than an oddly attractive slab of quartz, and as such it slowly overcomes many of its flaws and keeps you interested. But then, much can be said about how captivating an illogical, slightly lethargic narrative can become when liberally spiced with a saturnine (if not somewhat dreamily hypnagogic) atmosphere, interesting camerawork and use of tinted film stock, offbeat dialogue, and intrigue and mystery.

Silent Night, Bloody Night is never truly scary, though it does manage to drum up some tension in advance of a few of the deaths (especially the first ones). Towards the end, the narrative tosses out not one but two true WTF howlers that truly reduce one to laughter, but as head-shaking as the twists are, they fit the overall inanity of the fairly confusing plot. What is annoying, however, are the occasional attempts to cast a "could he be the killer?" shadow of suspicion upon Jeffrey Butler, especially since it is so obvious more than once that he would have to have a teleporter to be the unseen killer, whose identity remains a mystery for much of the movie.

No, Silent Night, Bloody Night is not really a good movie, but it is fun and is truly appropriate for anyone looking for some surreally idiotic, body-ridden, season-related filmic entertainment that is truly on the far side of, dunno, What a Wonderful Life (1946 / trailer). And keep your eyes open for brief, mostly uncredited appearances of diverse Andy Warhol "Superstars" like Ondine (16 Jun 1937 – 26 Aug 1989), Tally Brown (1 Aug 1924 – 6 May 1989) and Candy Darling (24 Nov 144 – 21 Mar 1974), not to mention some subsequently successful and/or influential art names like Jack Smith, George Trakis and Susan Rothenberg.

Though hardly a success in its day, Silent Night Bloody Night went on to spawn a pointless no-budget British remake in 2013, Silent Night, Bloody Night: The Homecoming (trailer), as well as an equally pointless and no-budget "sequel" in 2014, Silent Night, Bloody Night 2: Revival (trailer).

The full film —

Silent Night Bloody Night:

Short Film: Black XXX-Mas (Belgium, 1999)

 

"There are no good and bad guys... There's just bad guys and guys that are even worse."

Little Red (Rochelle Gadd)

 

Here's a violently surreal and blackly humorous Christmas oddity from Belgium, an early English-language short film written and directed by Pieter Van Hees, who has since established himself as a working director in his native country. This little flick is definitely not for the easily offended...

Despite being a few years shy of a quarter century old, Black XXX-Mas still packs an overly pixilated punch. A warped, MTV-style updating of the tale of Little Red Riding Hood plopped down in the middle of a futuristic urban hellscape overseen by a disinterested god, the narrative is as disjointed as it full of violence, drugs, nudity, and gore — all the stuff we here at a wasted life love. Transitional links from one scene to the next are often tenuous at best, but Van Hees manages to tie this tale — of Little Red (a hot druggy daughter), her thieving Black Santa Klaus father (Don Worthington of Bloodbath at the House of Death [1984 / trailer] and Lighthouse [1999 / trailer]), and a cannibalistic cop named Wolff (Manou Kersting) — together into a surprisingly tight if blood-drenched bow by the end. 

Pieter Van Hees obviously had fun experimenting when he made the movie, and goes all out with some intriguing use of morphing, tracking shots, unconventional angles and compositions and lenses, visual juxtaposition and editing. Well aware that his short is a celebration of exploitation and trash, he obviously saw no reason not to go out on the limb when it comes to cinematic possibilities; at best, his budget alone may have controlled his visual excesses. 

In its total rejection of moral and logic, and its full embracement of violence, Black XXX-Mas is possibly rather close to the true spirit of the original fairy tales of long ago, which were often heavy on the horrendous and bizarre... though his tale definitely has a lot more blatant sex.

Black XXX-Mas:

A twisted film telling a twisted tale, and a perfect Christmas-themed short film for the month of December.

 

For further Christmas fun,

check out these other season-themed

Short Films of the Month:

Dec 2021: Slay Bells (USA, c.2012?)

Dec 2020: Elvira's Very Scary X-Mas (USA, 2010) 

Dec 2019: Oh Christmas Tree (USA)

Dec 2018: Beauty of Horror – Christmas Claymation (USA, 2018) 

Dec 2017: Winter Stalker (USA, 2010)

Dec 2016: Santa (Greece, 2013)

Dec 2015: The Living Want Me Dead (USA, 2010)

Dec 2014: Father Christmas (Canada, 2011)

Dec 2013: A Very Zombie Holiday (2010) 

Dec 2012: Treevenge (2008)

Dec 2010: X-Mess Detritus

 

And as an extra: more holiday cheer

thanks to Simon & Garfunkel:

 

Aquaslash (Canada, 2019)

Great title. But great titles also hold great promise, and great promise is seldom easy to meet. And in that regard, Aquaslash — scribe and director Renaud Gauthier's sophomore feature film, six years after his feature film directorial debut, the French-language disco slasher Discopathe (2013 / trailer) — is all zirconia instead of diamond, be it in the rough or polished.

Trailer to

Aquaslash:

The well-staged opening scene to the playfully titled film is an obvious homage to the classic slashers of the 80s, where sex equals death, and blood and gore color the screen red: Aquaslash opens with two over-aged "teens", both lifeguards at Wet Valley Water Park, practicing some late-night safe sex high up on the terrace of the water park's waterslide, where they meet an appropriately bloody death at the machete of an unknown assailant, their body parts dropping down to the ground below.

A great start, unluckily also the only true blood and gore for almost the entirety of the rest of the movie, which subsequently consists of non-stop and rather uninteresting foreplay for more than an hour until finally delivering a final scene of massive carnage. Yes, the big final scene is an orgasm of blood and body parts, but truth be told: when it comes to slasher films, the viewer wants more than one big money shot. And one big money shot — an extended money interlude, so to speak  — is pretty much all Aquaslash has to offer after its first, opening spurt of body fluids and parts.

The big flaw of the film becomes obvious seconds after the initial nighttime double murder. The day thereafter sees the arrival of the 2018 graduating class of Valley Hill High School for a weekend celebration steeped in the three Cs — "Courtesy, Control and Consent" — which basically translates, even our woke days, into sex and alcohol and drugs. (Something known as a "party".) The class includes a few token Afro-Canadians and an Asian or two — we might have imagined the latter, actually — but lily-white is the governing color. Way too much of the subsequent running time is spent introducing the would-be future dead and possible survivors, not to mention the diverse red herrings who just might be the killer, as the party and sex shenanigans transpire.

Here, Renaud Gauthier sorely overestimates how interesting the viewer might be in the overdose of figures, most of whom remain as forgettable as their names. He attempts to enliven things a bit with an accident involving a smashed bottle and two drunken jocks as well as the murder of Michael (HoJo Rose of Evil Breed: The Legend of Samhain [2003 / trailer]), the father of the film's nominal hero figure, Josh (Nicolas Fontaine), who in turn is in the midst of rekindling his romance with Kim (Lanisa Dawn), to the anger of her current hot-headed beau, Tommy (Paul Zinno of Happy Face [2018 / trailer]). Kim and Josh, amazingly enough, have a sex scene — there's a quick cut of it in the trailer — and nevertheless survive, though it is shot in a manner that could lead you expect their immediate demise. (Come here, come here, come here – go away, go away, go away.)

At only around 70 minutes in length, Aquaslash, by contemporary standards, is a relatively short film — which makes it all the more amazing that the movie comes across as such a long slog. But red herrings and party "fun" and personal back stories of way too many characters take time to play out, to the detriment of the movie as a whole.

True, once the "Sea Snake" waterslide is sabotaged with an X of razor-sharp blades, some tension does arrive, but that too is weaned and milked way too long. And then, once the over-aged teens finally begin to slide to their death and dismemberment, the repetitiveness of the deaths becomes sorely obvious despite all the nicely shot and flying body parts and blood. It also doesn't help that by the time people start dying, the viewer has been so dulled by boredom that they almost don't care anymore. Okay, one does wake up again as the bodies divvy up and the parts fly and slide down into the swimming pool, but the overall feeling of dissatisfaction remains. To put it simply: too much, too late does not a good or fun film make.

Aquaslash is, as a whole, an extended narrative built around one big scene. And like most one-trick ponies, despite the excesses of the big scene, the movie is quickly forgotten. A final scene does reveal the who and why of the murders, and like most slashers of the Golden Age the motivation is driven by the urge to revenge some long-past event. Why it took 30-odd years for the killer to finally go for the gusto is, as normal for the genre, never explained.

In its final filmic form, Aquaslash is hardly something to search out, as it is far from imperative viewing or even all that interesting, but if you happen to be stuck at home recuperating from COVID or the such, it is better than reruns. On the other hand, you could pull out or stream the real thing, some classic slasher from the past, and enjoy yourself more.

Lastly, as an homage to the slashers of the past, it lacks something that no good bad film of those days ever lacked: naked bouncing boobies — as in the type with cherries on top, not school nerds on a trampoline. Even one set would have greatly improved the movie. As would have one or two more deaths along the way to the big, final squirt. Maybe next time — Renaud Gauthier's next movie, Punta Sinistra (2022 / trailer), is already on the way. It's supposed to have a shorter running time, which is already an improvement.

Short Film: The Dirk Diggler Story (USA, 1988)

 

 

"All I ever wanted was a cool '78 'Vette and a house in the country." 

Dirk Diggler (Michael Stein)

 

When Boogie Nights (trailer), the sophomore feature film release by Paul Thomas Anderson (born 26 June 1970), the son of Ghoulardi, hit the screens in 1997, it caused a lot more people to sit up than his first feature film, the highly troubled production but ultimately critically successful Hard Eight (1995 / trailer), which was based on Anderson's second short film, Coffee & Cigarettes (1993 / film). That Boogie Nights, a well-acted ensemble film with an expansive cast of amazing names and faces set in during the Golden Age of Porn, was based on the life and times of unattractive porn legend John Holmes (8 Aug 1944 – 13 March 1988) and his weapon of vaginal, anal and esophageal destruction, otherwise known as "Dirk Diggler" (Mark Wahlberg) in the flick, is relatively well known. Less known, perhaps, as that the character played by the recalcitrant and cash-strapped Burt Reynolds [11 Feb 1936 – 6 Sept 2018, below not from the film], white man Jack Horner, was inspired by the Chinese American porn filmmaker Bob Chinn.

And possibly even less well-known than that is that Boogie Nights, like Hard Eight, is a retooled, extended and meatier version of an earlier Paul Thomas Anderson short film: in this case, his 1988 "official" directorial debut, the shot-on-video, roughly half-hour-long short titled The Dirk Diggler Story. A mockumentary with a cast of unknowns, Ghoulardi was the cameraman. Nevertheless a highly intriguing film, here it is:

The Dirk Diggler Story