One day you, too, are going to die... but the following people, both known and unknown, have beaten you to it. (Darn.) Will you leave half as much behind, or have you a wasted life? In any event, the list is hardly 100% complete, but may they all rest in peace. And in their honor, a new version of a poem we learned as a child and presented in Part I; this version here is the one known by one "Richard Vance":
Don't you ever laugh as a hearse goes by, for you may be the next to die. They wrap you up in a big white sheet, And cover you up from your head down to your feet. They put you in a big black box, And cover you up with dirt and rocks. All goes well for about a week, And then your coffin begins to leak. The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, The worms play pinochle on your snout. They eat your eyes, they eat your nose, They eat the jelly between your toes. A big green worm with rolling eyes, Crawls in your stomach and out your eyes. Your stomach turns a slimy green, And pus pours out like whipping cream. You spread it out on a slice of bread, And that's what you eat when you are dead.
Kurumaddali Lakshmi Narasimha Rao
(aka Suthi Velu) 7 August 1947 – 16 September 2012
In the course of his career, the popular Indian character actor and comedian Kurumaddali Lakshmi Narasimha Rao – aka Suthi Velu, Suthivelu, Sudhi Velu, etc. – appeared in more than 200 films. Born 7 August 1947, in Bandar, Krishna District, Andra, India (now Bandar, Krishna District, Andhra Pradesh, India) , he died of a heart attack on 16 September 2012, in Chennai, Tamil Nadu, India; he is survived by his wife Lakshmi Rajyam and four children (three girls and a boy). At the age of 7 he was already staging performances in his hometown, and he eventually entered acting against the wishes of his father. He made his debut in the Telugu film Mudda Mandaaram (1981 / full film). The name Suthi Velu was derived by combining his childhood nickname Velu (meaning finger in Telugu, it was given to him due to his leanness) with the name of the character he played in the hit film Naalugu Stambhalata (1982), Suthi.
Musical interlude from Naalugu Stambhalata (1982):
Roshakkari (1974, dir. unknown to us)
Who knows what they're saying, but at least this clip actually features Suthi Velu. Depending on where you look, this flick is either a comedy or a melodrama about (if we understand the plot right) a woman who marries a man in order to get her inheritance; the man then connives to take the true position of husband and she of course falls in love with him...
Oscar-worthy acting in Tamil:
Goonda (1984, dir. Kodanda Rami Reddy A.)
Who knows what the film is about, but according to Wikipedia, "Goonda is a term in Indian English, Pakistani English, and Bangladeshi English for a hired thug. It is both a colloquial term and defined and used in laws, generally referred to as Goonda Acts." Suthivelu appears somewhere in the film, but not in this dance scene.... the star of this film, Chiranjeevi, who is seen singing and dancing below, is also the star of Diler Indian Jones,aka Anji (2004).
Chiranjeevi & Radha dance and sing in Goonda:
Yamudiki Mogudu (1988, dir. Ravi Raja Pinisetty)
Suthivelu appears in another Chiranjeevi vehicle, one that is known to be a clothes whore's dream due to the excess of costumes (see the dance sequence below for a prime example). Basic plot, swiped from Cinema Chaat: "Chiranjeevi plays a thief with a heart of gold who robs, steals and works as a mercenary in order to help fund his brothers education, support his family and generally look after the inhabitants of the slum area where he lives. On one occasion he is called to the mansion of Kailasham, to be punished for daring to steal from the magnate, when his daughter looks out of a window and spies Kali fighting off her father's goons in true hero style. Of course, like us, Radha falls instantly in love with the dashing Kali..." To put it simply, complications ensue.
Chiranjeevi and Ambika sing & dance to Naravara, a song from Yamudiki Mogudu:
Aditya 369 (1991, dir. Singeetham Srinivasa Rao)
A science fiction film, we would guess. Idle Brain gives the following synopsis: "The film opens showing Professor Ramdas's antics and his time machine, kept in an isolated laboratory. Krishna Kumar (Bala Krishna) is a young post-graduate and professor's cute daughter Hema (Mohini) take interest in the machine. A weird looking smuggler Raja Varma also wants to appropriate it. Rajavarma by then has already knocked off a huge diamond belonging to Krishna Devaraya period, from a museum and kept a fake one there. A lad Kishore (Master Tarun) is the witness of the theft. Having created all the important characters, director Singeetham flags off the journey of time machine with Krishna Kumar and Hema, with a policeman (Velu) accidentally entering into it. They go into past to Sri Krishna Devaraya period. So we begin seeing a historical for sometime featuring all the important episodes that the empires regime is linked with. And Jandhyala, the writer, also adds his own bit of imagination, inter-weaving the modern characters of Krishna Kumar, Hema and also the policeman. This is used purely for the farce. But the common factor is Diamond, about which we again see when the three travel, this time, into future a post third world war land, ravaged by nuclear wars, suffering from radiation. The sets for these scenes are well designed. So the three also experience what is there in store for this earth a hundred years hence, along with the prediction that Krishna Kumar died in the hands of Raja Varma in a fight to retrieve the diamond. Now once they are back to present to their home, Raja Varma is awaiting to knock off the Time Machine to disprove the news that he was killed by Raja Varma."
Don't try to understand it, just enjoy it:
חיים חפר
(Haim Hefer) 29 October 1925 – 18 September 2012
Born in Sosnowice, Poland, on 29 October 1925 to Issachar Feiner, a chocolate salesman, and Rivka Herzberg, a housewife, Haim Hefer immigrated with his family to Palestine in 1936. In 1943 he joined the elite fighting unit Palmach and participated in smuggling illegal immigrants through Syria and Lebanon. He had began writing at the age of 13, and went on to become a Israeli songwriter, poet, and writer (in 2005, he was voted the 116thgreatest Israeli of all time, in a poll by the Israeli news website Ynet). Hefer died in Tel Aviv, Israel, following a long illness. He is survived by his wife Ruti Haramati and daughter Mimi.
Etz O Palestina (1962, dirs. Nathan Axelrod, Joel Silberg and Uri Zohar)
This documentary is a.k.a. The True Story of Palestine. Barnes & Noble explains the movie: "Nathan Axelrod, Uri Zohar, and Yoel Zilberg re-edit newsreel footage originally shot by Carmel Films to create a satirical look at the early years of the Jewish state. Even before Israel was granted statehood, it had established its first film studio. Throughout the 1920s and 30s, Jewish filmgoers would witness the début of the Habima Theater and get the latest news on their favorite stars courtesy of newsreels produced by Carmel Films. By re-editing these classic newsreels and forming them to a script by Haim Hefer, Axelrod, Zohar, and Zilberg turn history on its head. Narrated by famed Fiddler on the Roof (1971 / trailer) star Topol, The True Story of Palestine tells the story of Israel from a decidedly humorous perspective.
6 minutes of the film:
Ha-Tarnegol (1973, dir. Uri Zohar)
Israeli sexploitation, aka The Boys Will Never Believe It, scripted by Dick Clement and Haim Hefer starring and starring Topol (Flash Gordon [1980 / trailer]). The BFI offers the following succinct plot description: "Set in the war-torn Suez Canal zone. Gadi Zur (Topol) receives his divorce papers and is granted three-day leave to sort out his affairs. After missing his plane Gadi becomes involved with a series of women, before reaching his wife's home..." Over at imdb, shmulik-cohen from Israel goes into a bit more detail: "One of the Bohemian Films from Israel 1970-71. [...] Critical comedy about Israeli machos, but the women seem to like it... Mr. Zur (Haim Topol) is doing reserve duty on Suez Canal Bar-Lev Line. He gets a few days off. He goes to see his ex-wife and her new future lawyer husband. On the way he has a series sex adventures. The film shows the Israeli macho. The distance between civilian life and the soldiers in the desert at the time of War of Attrition. Topol plays well [...]."
Kazablan (1974, dir. Menahem Golan)
Haim Hefer, as "Chayim Heffer," wrote the filmscript to this musical which was filmed in two language versions, one in Hebrew, the other in English. Made by Golan a short time before he decided to become a trash filmmaker – though the film, going by the dance number below, does look remarkably trashy: we thought it a burlesque the first time we saw the clip, but now we know better. Over at imdb, Eugene Kim (genekim@concentric.net) says: "An adaptation of a popular Israeli stage musical. Kazablan (Yehoram Gaon) is an army veteran turned gang leader in the Israeli port of Jaffa who masks his feelings of bitterness with a lot of bravado. He's sweet on Rachel (Efrat Lavie), a young woman who lives with her father and stepmother. The budding relationship scandalizes the neighbors (not to mention Rachel's parents) and infuriates Yanush (Yossi Graber of the super-cheesy The Mummy Lives [1993 / trailer]), a middle-aged shoe store owner who wants Rachel for himself. (Yanush feels he's entitled to marry Rachel since they're both Ashkenazi Jews of Eastern European origins, whereas Kazablan is a Sephardic Jew from Morocco.) The neighborhood has something else to worry about besides the antics of Kazablan and his gang: the city wants to tear down their crumbling homes. The residents pool their resources to save their houses, but the money that's collected is stolen. When he's jailed for the theft, Kazablan must find a way to clear himself."
From Kazablan – "Chassidic Rock":
Kitty Janssen 30 April 1930 – 19 September 2012
The Dutch actress Kitty Janssen, born Catharina Thecla Maria Janssen in Haarlem on 30 April 1930, died at the age of 82 in Amsterdam on 19 September 2012. Outside of the Netherlands she is not all that well known, but she gained immortality as the first Frau Antje on TV in the popular 1961 commercials on German TV, playing a "typical" Dutch Hausfrau offering information on the correct way to make "Hawaiian cheese toast," among other recipes.
Aside from her numerous appearances on Dutch television, she also acted in feature-length film. A few of interest are the following:
Love Comes Quietly (1973, dir. Nikolai van der Heyde)
Kitty Janssen plays Louise Dijkstra in this forgotten hippy flick featuring a young, wild child Barbara Hershey (credited as "Barbara Seagull"). Over at MSN, Clarke Fountain explains the plot: "Love Comes Quietly (aka Angela) tells the story of a free-spirited girl who was born in the wrong place at the wrong time. In the 1920s, even the somewhat more tolerant people of the Netherlands (relative to the rest of Europe) did not easily suffer the open flouting of the rules of society. Cheerful and optimistic, Angela (Barbara Hershey) defied the conventions of her conservative Dutch family by traipsing about the countryside with her lover, living on what turned up each day. However, even for the sunniest of optimists such an idyll can have tragic consequences."
The miserable title track:
Soldier of Orange (1977, dir. Paul Verhoeven)
Kitty Janssen plays "Greta, the landlady" in this early Paul Verhoeven starring Rutger Hauer and Jeroen Krabbe. Only in the Cinema says: "Paul Verhoeven's Soldier of Orange was the film that started him on the path to Hollywood [...]. It's not hard to see why: it's an epic, masterfully made film, a brisk, constantly moving wartime adventure about friendship, betrayal and the ways in which people can stumble upon their principles. The film traces the lives of a group of rowdy friends between 1938 and 1945, from their time at a Dutch university to their entanglement in World War II, as their home country is dragged into the conflict by Hitler's invasion. These youths are initially far from interested in the war or Germany or anything else. They expect their country to remain neutral, as usual, and if anything many of them are sympathetic to Germany, nursing some of the same anti-Semitic sentiments as Hitler and his followers. So they play tennis, and go to parties, and compete over women, oblivious to the impending chaos about to engulf Europe. When Britain declares war against Germany, a few of them are troubled, but most don't care: they simply switch off the radio and return to their tennis match and their gaiety. This only changes when Germany actually invades Holland, bombing civilian targets and sending in soldiers."
Trailer:
The Gang Next Door (1980, dir. Karst van der Meulen)
Kitty Janssen plays "Mevr. Verginkel" in this kiddy film, aka De bende van Hiernaast, which probably never made it to anywhere outside of the Netherlands despite having an English title. Oh! The Horror! (See the trailer to see what we mean.) On imdb, Il Tesoroseems to have seen the film: "A gang of city children is secretly practicing to enter a musical competition. All of them plunder their parents' supplies in order to build their own stage and amplifiers. Baffled by these unexplained thefts, the parents decide to hold a meeting as their suspicions turn to a group of camper folks living across from their flat. The tables are turned when the residents take a camping holiday of their own and end up being mistrusted by the locals as much as they themselves did their own neighbors. Meanwhile, the children's gang meets a rival group of kids who are planning to enter the same competition."
Trailer:
Bernard Behrens 28 September 1926 – 19 September 2012
London-born Canadian actor Bernard "Bunny" Behrens died 9 days short of his 86th birthday in Perth, Ontario. Originally a stage actor, he moved into television for an active career as a character actor that lasted roughly three decades. Diagnosed with dementia in 2008, his last acting job was on the small screen in 2010. Behrens suffered a major stroke sometime in August, which led to his eventual demise on September 19th, 2012.
Macbeth (1961, dir. Paul Almond)
Bernard Behrens, whose friends called him "Bunny," made his screen debut as Lennox in this forgotten TV version of William Shakespeare's play featuring Zoe Caldwell as Lady Macbeth and a young Sean Connery as the title anti-hero. Sean Connery, of course, he took his first real step to become a household name the next year in 1962, by appearing in Dr. No (trailer).
First 13.5 minutes of Macbeth:
Swashbuckler (1976, dir. James Goldstone)
Bernard "Bunny" Behrens plays Sir James Barnet, the father of the female lead character of the movie, Jane Barnet (Geneviève Bujold). Director Goldstone began and ended his career as a TV director, but throughout the late 60s and through to 1980, he also did a number of feature films such as They Only Kill Their Masters (1972 / trailer), Rollercoaster (1977 / trailer), When Time Ran Out... (1980 / trailer) and, of course, this oddly forgotten pirate film, perhaps the last truly commercially successful studio-produced pirate film until Pirates of the Caribbean (2003 / trailer). As Roger Ebert says "Swashbuckler's ambition is to be a good pirate movie, and it succeeds. It has no larger ambition, no urge to comment on the genre, and so I suppose it's a somewhat limited film. It can't contain many surprises without betraying its tradition. But it's directed and acted with zest, energy and conviction." TV Guide would tend to disagree: "An intermittently diverting travesty of the Errol Flynn movies of the 1930s and 1940s. There's little substance here, seemingly because the creators couldn't decide between a parody and a straight adventure film. James Earl Jones and Robert Shaw (who was already 49 years of age and a few years past it for this kind of bravura) are two pirates who come to Jamaica in an attempt to rid the island of the tyrannical pervert, Peter Boyle, who runs the place. Bujold provides the love interest [...], Beau Bridges is a Scarlet Pimpernel type of fop, and Avery Schreiber provides the only real comedy as one of the supporting numbskulls. Some tasteless gay jokes, heaving bosoms, and lots of blood in this near-total waste."
Trailer:
The Changeling (1980, dir. Peter Medak)
Bernard "Bunny" Behrens appears somewhere in this film as "Prof. Robert Lingstrom"; we haven't seen the movie since its original theatrical release, but we would agree with what At-A-Glance Film Reviews says: "George C. Scott stars as a composer who has lost his wife and daughter and moves into a mansion of a home. Creepy things start happening in the house, and a supernatural plot unfolds. It rigidly follows the formula of the haunted house movie, and yet it never feels constricted by it. This is quite simply one of the best of all haunted house movies, building tension as it does through the unseen and playing off our innate fear of the unknown. Watch this alone in the dark for maximum effect." Director Peter Medak went on to make one of our favorite unremittingly trashy sequels, Species II (1998).
Trailer:
Galaxy of Terror (1981, dir. Bruce D. Clark)
Bernard "Bunny" Behrens appears as Commander Ilvar in this, the first of two now-classic grindhouse rip-offs of Alien (1979 / trailer) that Roger Corman produced at the start of the 80s, the other being the equally sleazy cult favorite Forbidden World (1982 / trailer). The great cast includes Grace Zabriskie (of Blood Ties [1991]), Sid Haig (of House of 1000 Corpses [2003] and Black Mama White Mama[1973]), Ray Walston, Robert Englund (of Zombie Strippers [2008]), Zalman King and – to the consternation of many a moral Americanof the day – Erin "Joanie Cunningham" Moran. To reuse parts of what we wrote at our career review of Zalman King: "Galaxy of Terror gained immortality due to its famed scene in which a woman (Taaffe O'Connell of New Year's Evil [1980 / trailer]) literally gets fucked to death by a huge intergalactic slug. Future director James Cameron was both production designer and second unit director on this great Alien-inspired sci-fi horror film [...]. Jean-Marc Rocher's plot summary at imdb is as good as any: "As a lone spaceship proceeds on its long voyage across space, the crew are surprised to encounter a strange pyramid form. Surprise turns to horror as one by one, they discover that their darkest nightmares are all starting to become real. The pyramid has to be behind it all somehow, but how can they save themselves from its influence?" Galaxy of Terror is a truly fine piece of trash that is guaranteed to entertain any fan of skid-row sleaze. In [the book] Filmmakers on the Fringe, [Zalmon] King claims he took part in the movie 'because I always sort of wanted to do a Roger Corman film, and I didn't want to end my career without having done one'." The rape scene originally got the film an X-rating, but was then recut to get an R... Galaxy of Terror is classic trash at its best, with excellent special effects!
Trailer:
The Man with Two Brains (1983, dir. Carl Reiner)
Bernard "Bunny" Behrens appears as "James Gladstone" in this comedy. Along with The Jerk (1981 / trailer) and the masterpiece Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid (1982 / trailer), this comedy from the days when Steve Martin was still funny is, well, damn funny. At imdb, Bruce Janson explains the film: "Recently widowed Doctor Michael Hfuhruhurr (Martin), the world's greatest neurosurgeon, injures Dolores Benedict (Kathleen Turner) in a car accident. He operates on her and saves her life using a technique of his own invention: cranial screw-top brain entry. As Benedict recovers, Hfuhruhurr falls in love with her and they are soon married. However, Benedict is only interested in Hfuhruhurr's money and Hfuhruhurr still yearns for his previous wife. They travel to Vienna to attend a medical conference where Hfuhruhurr finally divorces Dolores, meets a mysterious Doctor Alfred Necessiter (David Warner) and becomes entangled in a series of murders committed by The Elevator Killer."
Trailer:
What's Up, Hideous Sun Demon (1983, dir. Craig Mitchell & 1959, dir. Robert Clarke)
Bernard "Bunny" Behrens supplies the voice to Major Clive McGonad. To simply reuse what we already wrote about this film in our career review of the cult actress Susan Tyrell: "Robert Clarke needs no introduction to fans of Z-films – his autobiography To "B" or Not to "B" is a wonderful look into the world of bad films from the mid-20th century from a good-natured man who was part of it: he acted in dozens of classic B and Z films (and a rare A film) all the way up into the 80s, including The Man from Planet X (1951 / trailer), The Astounding She-Monster (1957 / trailer), The Incredible Petrified World (1957 / full film), Beyond the Time Barrier (1960 / trailer), Terror of the Bloodhunters (1962 / trailer / full film), and Frankenstein Island (1981 / full film). The Hideous Sun Demon (1959), in which he also starred, was his only directorial project. In 1983, Craig Mitchell took the film and, with Clarke's permission, pulled a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (a good 5 years before it formed) on the film: he redubbed it – and added a few new shots – and changed it into a comedy about suntan lotion that works from the inside out and has side effects (an obsession with sex, sex, sex)." Craig Mitchell, by the way, wrote the script to the abysmal body counter Milo (1998).
Trailer to the original 1959 film:
Haunted by Her Past (1987, dir. Michael Pressman)
The queen of soaps herself, Susan "Erica Kane" Lucci stars in this made-for-TV horror from director Michael Pressman, who many years ago made a two films of interest: his fun directorial debut, The Great Texas Dynamite Chase (1976 / trailer) and the low budget East LA gang drama Boulevard Nights (1979 / trailer). Bernard "Bunny" Behrens plays the daddy of Lucci's character, Karen. TCM explains the film: "A television movie about a devoted wife who becomes possessed by the century-old spirit of a sultry murderer hanged for killing her lover. Eric Beckett (John James) and his wife Karen (Lucci) take a trip to colonial Unionville and its annual Governor's Ball. Their carefree lives change unexpectedly when Karen is mysteriously drawn to an old English inn and insists they stay in a room that has been off limits to guests for years. Almost instantly, Karen becomes more and more seductive, much to her husband's delight. But her mood change also has a darker side, for Karen seems to be controlled by the spirit of a legendary murderer who bears a strong resemblance to Karen and who keeps appearing to her in the mirror. If the 'curse of the mirror' proves out, Karen realizes, she is destined to kill her husband."
6 minutes:
Zero Patience (1993, dir. John Greyson)
When You Pop A Boner in the Shower from Zero Patience:
We'd forgotten about this film (we saw it when it came out), but wonder how we could ever do so – the singing buttholes alone should have burnt the film in our brain. Bernard "Bunny" Behrens appears as Dr. Placebo is this decidedly odd musical by the gay and political Canadian filmmaker John Greyson. The website Shadows on the Walls says: "Artful Canadian filmmaker Greyson examines a particularly forceful urban myth in this goofy but quite profound musical-comedy about the origin of Aids in North America. In 1987, news stories claimed that a Canadian flight attendant called "Patient Zero" (Normand Fauteux) brought Aids to North America. As his ghost wanders the city, the only person who can see him is the Victorian explorer/sexologist Sir Richard Burton (John Robinson). Together they plan a museum exhibition to debunk the myth, while several activists and Aids patients swirl around the edges trying to clarify the exhibition's focus. The film has a real global feel, touching on events through history and mixing musical styles to tell the story. And even though Greyson is extremely inventive, the film is somewhat cheesy and silly ... and outrageously fantastical. Much takes place in a kind of 'existential limbo' where bouncy, energetic musical-dance numbers dare us to laugh at (or sing about) some truly outrageous subjects. The elaborate choreography (including quite a bit of water ballet) is clunky but endearing, and some of the songs get dangerously Pythonesque with their absurd sense of humour and take-no-prisoners approach. But this is a film about something important, really. And as such it's both informative and bewildering, darting all over the topic, filling scenes with quirky references and getting a little too clever and jaunty at times. Fortunately, amid the farce there are moments of lucidity and informative dialogue that's both telling and historically important as it touches on issues of denial, abandonment, fear, corporate greed, misinformation and activism. It also takes a well-aimed jab at medical orthodoxy, which was quick to embrace unproven facts. Only Greyson would dare to say something this important through a film that's so profoundly daft." For those of you who, after watching When You Pop A Boner in the Shower above, would like to know more about the proper etiquette at a bathhouse, we suggest you go here.
Zero Patience:
Trapped in Paradise (1994, dir. George Gallo)
Bernard "Bunny" Behrens appears as Doc Milgrom in this totally forgotten Nicolas Cage vehicle. The plot, as explained at the blogspot Jerry Saravia: "The Firpo brothers are quite a bunch. Bill Firpo (Nicolas Cage of Red Rock West [1993]) runs a restaurant and is the most moral of the brothers. The other two nitwits, compulsive liar Dave (Jon Lovitz of 3000 Miles to Graceland [2001]) and kleptomaniac Alvin (Dana Carvey) are bank robbers who are let out of jail a little too prematurely. Bill can't stand them and their schemes. Thanks to a letter from a convict, the trio find themselves in Paradise, Pennsylvania during Christmas Eve to help locate Sarah (Madchen Amick of Sleepwalkers [1992]), the daughter of the convict. Before you can say entrapment, the Firpo brothers successfully rob a bank wearing silly ski masks but have a lot of trouble getting out of Paradise. The denizens of this town are as polite and forgiving as anyone in Bedford Falls (the name of the town in It's a Wonderful Life [1946 / trailer]) so stealing their money (they all have a stake in the local bank, not the big corporate ones - a timely gesture in reflection) seems downright wrong to Bill."
Trailer:
Mother Night (1996, dir. Keith Gordon)
Bernard "Bunny" Behrens appears as Reverend Dr. Lionel Jones in this sadly overlooked screen adaptation of Kurt Vonnegut Jr.'s novel of the same name, directed by Keith Gordon, who many a moon ago was also an actor in such films as Dressed to Kill (1980 / trailer), in which he played the son searching for the murderer of his mum (Angie Dickenson). Urban Cinefile offers the following synopsis: "Howard W. Campbell Jr (Nick Nolte) is a noted American writer living in pre-World War II Germany, who is pressed into service by the US government on a top-secret assignment. His mission: to assume the role of a Nazi sympathizer and gain access to the highest echelons of Hitler's hierarchy. With his true purpose known only to a few, Campbell becomes a prominent spokesman for Hitler's anti-American and anti-Semitic agenda, gaining celebrity in Germany and notoriety back home. A fascinating study of right and wrong as the protagonist, years later, must struggle to prove his innocence to the world – and to himself."
Trailer:
Top of the Food Chain (1999, dir. John Paizs)
Aka Invasion! Bernard "Bunny" Behrens appears as the lecherous Mayor Claire of the town of Exceptional Vista in this sci-fi burlesque from John Paizs. Wildside Cinemadescribes a film that sounds made just for use: "Welcome to Exceptional Vista, a town where nothing exceptional has happened since the nut factory closed its doors. That's all about to change. Hungry interstellar visitors have come to town and are not only depleting the population but disrupting the TV signals as well. This is a character- and dialog-driven movie, and it gets along just fine without the big budget stuff. It's lean in the effects department, but the few you get vary from satisfactory to impressive. The fly-on-the-wall perspective of this small town life is actually quite twisted behind the façade. There are tons of hilariously memorable lines and the sexual innuendos fly, ranging from bestiality to incest. Topping it all off are the brutal mutilations that are shoved in your face when you least expect it. This takes a particular sense of humor to completely appreciate, as the comedy is very tongue in cheek and dry at times."
Trailer:
Ulla Lock 19 April 1934 – 20 September 2012
The Danish actress Ulla Lock, about whom we know nothing, died in Aarhus – we have friends who live there (Hi, Hans Christian!) – at the age of 78. Born in Copenhagen, she appeared in 19 films between 1953 and 1978. She seems to have made mostly family films and innocuous comedies, and a lot of theater work. The films presented below where chosen only because we found (and liked) the posters online....
Min søn Peter (1953, dir. Jon Iversen)
As far as we can tell, this was Ulla Lock's feature-film début, playing "Annelise" in a film we would hazard to guess is called My Son Peter. The plot, to loosely translate the synopsis of the Danish Film Institute, makes little sense: "The artist Michael, his wife Lydia, and their son Peter were a family until the parents divorce. Lydia later married a wealthy businessman who died and left her so much money that she is now financially independent. She now lives in a charming country place where her old, faithful factotum, Josse, ruler of Gryderne..."
Det er så yndigt at følges ad (1954, dir. Torben Anton Svendsen)
A family film – and Ulla is on the poster of what looks to be the kind of film that makes us puke. We do not vouch for the veracity of the following plot, but as much as we can figure out from the incomprehensible computer-translation of a text at the Danish Film Institute, the flick seems to involve three men, Charles, Fredrik and Lasses, their wives, an accountant and his wife and their daughter who meets the man of her dreams when someone hits her with a car... The moral of the story? If you want meet a girl and marry in Denmark, run over one.
Der var engang en gade (1957, dir. Peer Guldbrandsen)
Again, we do not vouch for the veracity of the following explanation: A people's comedy set in the "picturesque old Copenhagen neighborhood around Nyboder" about Ditte (Ulla Lock) who comes from a strict house (they don't even allow dancing!) in the country so she runs away to her aunt in Copenhagen because she wants to be able to dance and have fun. She ends up getting hired as secretary by Valdemar Bardetenfeldt (Peter Malberg – he drives the car in the clip below and, going by the poster, seems to be the film's name draw), a con artist who has set up a scam company... we can only assume there is a happy ending.
Clip:
Tre piger fra Jylland (1957, dir. Annelise Reenberg)
Plot, according to Henrik Stender at imdb: "Three girls (around 20 years old) who have grown up in different parts of Denmark get a strange letter. It turns out they are sisters, and will inherit from their late mother, if they can stay together one month in the same house. They end up in a lot of (romantic) trouble, because of speculations of who their father(s) might be." Ulla is one of the girls: "Bodil Lercke".
Trailer:
Onkel Bill fra New York (1959, dir. Peer Guldbrandsen)
Eight years later, Peer Guldbrandsen was making fun stuff like "sensually probing" film, The Reluctant Sadist (1967, trailer) and I, a Woman (1965 / trailer) but here in 1959 he was still stuck doing family fair like this film here which, we assume, is called Uncle Bill from New York. Ulla plays Kate.
Trailer:
Baronessen fra Benzintanken (1960, dir. Annelise Reenberg)
Over at imdb, queen corvette supplies the following plot: "Anne, the secret lovechild of a newly deceased baron is the sole heir to Rosensteen Castle. Her grandmother, the Baroness, who only discovers that she has a grandchild after the death of her son, finds the young rough-around-the-edges woman at the nearby gas station and begins the process of making an educated woman out of her in order to make her a fitting heiress of the castle and title. The snake in this paradise is the Baroness' distant relative Clarissa who attempts to secure the Castle for her own son Henning by burning Anne's only proof of her identity; her birth certificate. In the meantime, Anne gets engaged to Henning. But Anne, now the centre of family squabbles, soon finds herself in a dilemma of choosing between her new polished life and her uncomplicated past life, and in the end she finds a beautiful solution that combines the best of both worlds. " Ulla Lock plays " Tjenestepigen Gerda."
Trailer:
Lykkens musikanter (1962, dir. Peer Guldbrandsen)
Another family film by future sleaze filmmaker Guldbrandson, featuring Ulla Lock as "Nancy Hansen." The ending is surely a happy one... one fucking ugly poster, though.
Tjærehandleren (1971 dir. Jens Ravn)
Ulla in a drama. Again, we do not vouch for the veracity of the following explanation: film adaptation of the novel by Axle True about the cynical Audun Hammers, a travelling salesman (a tar handler?) – who in reality is just out to befriend single women so as to fleece them of their money... nice poster.
Dinesh Thakur 1947 – 20 September 2012
Noted Indian director and actor Dinesh Thakur died of kidney failure on September 20th, 2012, in Andheri, Mumbai, India. He made his film debut in 1971, in Mere Apne (full film), and continued to appear on screen and on stage well into the 21st century. Aside from working in film and television, he also founded ANK Productions, a Mumbai-based theatre company in 1976. He is survived by his actress wife, Preeta Mathur.
Kalicharan (1976, dir. Subhash Ghai)
The German-language blogspot Schneeland says: "Kalicharan is a spectacle. It is mainly about gangsters that are playing a double game (Din Dayal aka Lion, played by Ajit) and the police officer Khanna (Prem Nath) who hires the good-for-nothing Kalicharan (Shatrughan Sinha) because his a spitting image of the elite policeman Prabhakar (Shatrughan Sinha). And there is... very little plot that manages to come together into a sensible narrative. Well, it's mostly about using the help of a gangster to put a stop to another gangster. While doing his job Kalicharan recognizes the killer Shetty, who now works for Lion, as a man who raped his sister a long time ago. He takes revenge." Dinesh Thakur is there somewhere.
The full movie:
Ghar (1978, dir. Manik Chatterjee)
Written by Dinesh Thakur. Over at imdb, rAjOo explains the film: "Newly married couple, Vikas (Vinod Mehra) Chandra and Aarti (Rekha), move into their new apartment, and are deeply in love with each other. One day they go out to watch a late night Bollywood movie Loafer, at a cinema theatre. It's well after midnight when the movie gets over, and both are unable to find a cab to take them, so they decide to walk home. On the way, they are waylaid by four men, who assault Vikas, leaving him unconscious, and forcibly take Aarti with them. When Vikas regains his senses he finds himself in hospital with a head wound. And Aarti too is in the same hospital – after being gang-raped and assaulted. This incident makes headlines in all major newspapers, radio and television, and is also a subject of discussion by politicians during their election campaign. Vikas feels hounded and haunted by this incident, and feels that everybody is treating him differently. Aarti, on the other hand, has been traumatized, and unable to trust any male. Now this newly married couple are faced with a loveless relationship, and only a miracle can bring the old spark back into their married life."
As always, they sing and dance:
The Burning Train (1980, dir. Ravi Chopra)
Dinesh Thakur plays "Usman Ali" somewhere in this action film. Ninja Dixon is there to tell us about the film: "This was the most expensive movie ever in India and flopped. Wonder why? [...] After the electro-funkiest theme music ever (where a female voice and a hilarious 'monster'-voice sings 'The Burning Traaaaaain' over and over again) we're introduced to the movie's main characters, for more or less ninety minutes. Vinod (Vinod Khanna) works for the Indian railways and his dream is to create a super express train which can go from Delhi to Mumbai in 14 hours! Another dream, which he makes come true, is to marry his sweetheart – which also is the sweetheart of another employee at the railways, Randhir (Danny Denzongpa). This makes Randhir plan for revenge, something he does for six years until the train is ready and everyone is aboard. He fucks up the brakes and plants a bomb on it, which seem logical. I would probably also kill hundreds of people of someone stole my sweetheart from me ;) The disaster becomes even worse when the kitchen staff forgets to turn off the gas, and turns the whole train into a flaming inferno (which means it's like The Towering Inferno, but horizontally!) [...] If you manage to get through the first half you're treated to a lot of awesome stuff in the second half. "
We're gonna die? Let's sing!
The Way Back (2010, dir. Peter Weir)
Dinesh Thakur was the "second second assistant director" of the India unit – which means he probably made the coffee – for Peter Weir's Hollywood adaptation of the enthralling read of questionable veracity, Slavomir Rawicz's The Long Walk: The True Story of a Trek to Freedom, a book once called a true story and now called a novel, which tells of his escape from a Siberian gulag and subsequent 4000-mile walk to freedom in India. (We haven't seen the film, but have read the amazing book – and we doubt the movie includes the Yeti sighting.)
In the course of his career, the popular Indian character actor and comedian Kurumaddali Lakshmi Narasimha Rao – aka Suthi Velu, Suthivelu, Sudhi Velu, etc. – appeared in more than 200 films. Born 7 August 1947, in Bandar, Krishna District, Andra, India (now Bandar, Krishna District, Andhra Pradesh, India) , he died of a heart attack on 16 September 2012, in Chennai, Tamil Nadu, India; he is survived by his wife Lakshmi Rajyam and four children (three girls and a boy). At the age of 7 he was already staging performances in his hometown, and he eventually entered acting against the wishes of his father. He made his debut in the Telugu film Mudda Mandaaram (1981 / full film). The name Suthi Velu was derived by combining his childhood nickname Velu (meaning finger in Telugu, it was given to him due to his leanness) with the name of the character he played in the hit film Naalugu Stambhalata (1982), Suthi.
A science fiction film, we would guess. Idle Brain gives the following synopsis: "The film opens showing Professor Ramdas's antics and his time machine, kept in an isolated laboratory. Krishna Kumar (Bala Krishna) is a young post-graduate and professor's cute daughter Hema (Mohini) take interest in the machine. A weird looking smuggler Raja Varma also wants to appropriate it. Rajavarma by then has already knocked off a huge diamond belonging to Krishna Devaraya period, from a museum and kept a fake one there. A lad Kishore (Master Tarun) is the witness of the theft. Having created all the important characters, director Singeetham flags off the journey of time machine with Krishna Kumar and Hema, with a policeman (Velu) accidentally entering into it. They go into past to Sri Krishna Devaraya period. So we begin seeing a historical for sometime featuring all the important episodes that the empires regime is linked with. And Jandhyala, the writer, also adds his own bit of imagination, inter-weaving the modern characters of Krishna Kumar, Hema and also the policeman. This is used purely for the farce. But the common factor is Diamond, about which we again see when the three travel, this time, into future a post third world war land, ravaged by nuclear wars, suffering from radiation. The sets for these scenes are well designed. So the three also experience what is there in store for this earth a hundred years hence, along with the prediction that Krishna Kumar died in the hands of Raja Varma in a fight to retrieve the diamond. Now once they are back to present to their home, Raja Varma is awaiting to knock off the Time Machine to disprove the news that he was killed by Raja Varma."
Israeli sexploitation, aka The Boys Will Never Believe It, scripted by Dick Clement and Haim Hefer starring and starring Topol (Flash Gordon [1980 / trailer]). The BFI offers the following succinct plot description: "Set in the war-torn Suez Canal zone. Gadi Zur (Topol) receives his divorce papers and is granted three-day leave to sort out his affairs. After missing his plane Gadi becomes involved with a series of women, before reaching his wife's home..." Over at imdb, shmulik-cohen from Israel goes into a bit more detail: "One of the Bohemian Films from Israel 1970-71. [...] Critical comedy about Israeli machos, but the women seem to like it... Mr. Zur (Haim Topol) is doing reserve duty on Suez Canal Bar-Lev Line. He gets a few days off. He goes to see his ex-wife and her new future lawyer husband. On the way he has a series sex adventures. The film shows the Israeli macho. The distance between civilian life and the soldiers in the desert at the time of War of Attrition. Topol plays well [...]."
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Bernard "Bunny" Behrens supplies the voice to Major Clive McGonad. To simply reuse what we already wrote about this film in our career review of the cult actress Susan Tyrell: "Robert Clarke needs no introduction to fans of Z-films – his autobiography To "B" or Not to "B" is a wonderful look into the world of bad films from the mid-20th century from a good-natured man who was part of it: he acted in dozens of classic B and Z films (and a rare A film) all the way up into the 80s, including The Man from Planet X (1951 / trailer), The Astounding She-Monster (1957 / trailer), The Incredible Petrified World (1957 / full film), Beyond the Time Barrier (1960 / trailer), Terror of the Bloodhunters (1962 / trailer / full film), and Frankenstein Island (1981 / full film). The Hideous Sun Demon (1959), in which he also starred, was his only directorial project. In 1983, Craig Mitchell took the film and, with Clarke's permission, pulled a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (a good 5 years before it formed) on the film: he redubbed it – and added a few new shots – and changed it into a comedy about suntan lotion that works from the inside out and has side effects (an obsession with sex, sex, sex)." Craig Mitchell, by the way, wrote the script to the abysmal body counter Milo (1998).
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Again, we do not vouch for the veracity of the following explanation: A people's comedy set in the "picturesque old Copenhagen neighborhood around Nyboder" about Ditte (Ulla Lock) who comes from a strict house (they don't even allow dancing!) in the country so she runs away to her aunt in Copenhagen because she wants to be able to dance and have fun. She ends up getting hired as secretary by Valdemar Bardetenfeldt (Peter Malberg – he drives the car in the clip below and, going by the poster, seems to be the film's name draw), a con artist who has set up a scam company... we can only assume there is a happy ending.
The German-language blogspot Schneeland says: "Kalicharan is a spectacle. It is mainly about gangsters that are playing a double game (Din Dayal aka Lion, played by Ajit) and the police officer Khanna (Prem Nath) who hires the good-for-nothing Kalicharan (Shatrughan Sinha) because his a spitting image of the elite policeman Prabhakar (Shatrughan Sinha). And there is... very little plot that manages to come together into a sensible narrative. Well, it's mostly about using the help of a gangster to put a stop to another gangster. While doing his job Kalicharan recognizes the killer Shetty, who now works for Lion, as a man who raped his sister a long time ago. He takes revenge." Dinesh Thakur is there somewhere. 
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