Kibakichi: Bakko-yokaiden 2/Werewolf Warrior 2 (2004)

The continuing saga of Kibakichi, the itinerant Yokai werewolf swordsman with matted hair and ragged clothes! The first film of this series is undoubtedly a highpoint of trash cinema, a film so hilariously true to its z-level aesthetic, narrative and cinematic aims that it demands to be liked. Part 2, most likely made in tandem to the film it follows, continues down the same path of enjoyable cinematic ineptitude, but it would seem that the special effects budget was blown on the first film for in comparison to the initial masterpiece of Japanese dilettantism, Kibakichi: Bakko-yokaiden 2 is spectacularly low on cheesy monsters, explosions and spurting blood. Indeed, it is obvious in more than one scene (by the long pauses of the victims and the piddling spray of the blood) that the budget definitely did not allow for retakes when the effects fubbed.
But although director Tomoo Haraguchi wasn’t able to pour blood this time around, he and scriptwriter Baku Kamio were able to pour a lot of inanely misplaced and laughable philosophizing and love interest — and some truly cheap looking arty visuals — into a plot that at best can be described as incomprehensible. Indeed, Kibakichi: Bakko-yokaiden 2 often comes across as if its on-occasion-fast-moving 80-odd minutes were edited down from a year’s worth of weekly hour-long television episodes — but in all truth, understanding the plot is in itself not essential to the enjoyment of this movie. This movie, like the film it follows, is a must for those types of cinophiles that like dead bodies that obviously still breathe, transformations that happen totally off-screen, monster costumes that the Salvation Army wouldn't even bother to try selling at Halloween, fifth-rate special effects, werewolf mating dances and long ineptly filmed samurai fight scenes. (Sounds promising, doesn't it?)
After wandering away at the end of Kibakichi: Bakko-yokaiden 1, Kibakichi (Ryuuji Harada) wanders back in part two and is promptly confronted by samurai-wielding bad guy named Sakuramaru who first decimates a ton of fellow humans (most of whom, as was mentioned before, continue breathing even as they lie dead on the ground) and then gravely injures our unwashed hero. Quickly turning tail, Kibakichi stumbles onwards into a nearby half-disseminated and fear-stricken village where he pauses long enough to save a young blind woman from a wild dog. Blind as she is, she alone can see the goodness in Kibakichi's heart and, despite his reproof and continual demands to left alone, attempts both to befriend him and nurse him to good health. She also fills him in on the crazed swordsman, who can also claim her father as among his numerous victims. (If Part 1 has the thesis that humans are evil, Part 2 briefly posits the suggestion that westerners are worse – before, later in the film, positing that Yokai can be evil dips, too.) Deciding to rid the village of the slash-happy madman, Kibakichi returns for a duel to the end, a duel that is interrupted by the appearance of the razor-edged-boomerang-wielding itinerant Yokai werewoman named Anju (Miki Tanaka) — a character briefly introduced in Part 1 and whose only goal in life is to first kill Kibakichi and then herself. Now outnumbered, Kibakichi retreats and leaves Sakuramaru to fall madly in love with Anju; she in turn lets him follow her around like a lovesick puppy, initially because she doesn't seem to know how to get rid of him and later because she's seemingly gone soft for him. On top of all this, three other nasties with their own indecipherable agenda suddenly appear from nowhere (in truth, only one of the three is truly bad: it is later revealed that the one that looks like an overweight Marlon Brando in bad mime make-up is actually a cheesy-looking and evil Yokai that has the power to control the thoughts and actions of others). Because Bad Fatty wants to kill all humans to make the world a safe place for a new Yokai kingdom that he alone should rule, they logically decide that Kibakichi and Anju must die. Equally logical, to do so they torture and kill the blind girl and make it look as if Sakuramaru did it and then takeover Sakuramaru’s mind to make him kill Kibakichi. All this leads up to a big showdown that is half as bloody and extreme as the big showdown in Part 1 but that is nonetheless equally as silly and enjoyable. Indeed, the final werewolf mating dance is undoubtedly a new highpoint in cinematic history and is a must for any and all fans of bad film.
Although officially a "sequel," Kibakichi: Bakko-yokaiden 2 can stand alone as an independent film in that Part 1 is not necessarily required viewing to understand the events of Part 2. Nonetheless, both films are worth viewing as prime example of sublimely ridiculous cinema. If you like trash, then both Kibakichi: Bakko-yokaiden 1 and Kibakichi: Bakko-yokaiden 2 are worthy DVD fodder; if you have a smidgeon of distaste for that which is surreally lousy, then neither film is an option. Happily enough, Part 2 ends much like Part 1 in that it leaves open a great breadth for a possible Part 3 – were we ever so lucky!

House of 1000 Corpses (USA, 2003)

It is a mistake to come to House of 1000 Corpses by way of The Devil's Rejects, Rob Zombie’s 2005 sequel to this, his debut horror film (which was shot in 2000 but released in 2003). The Devil's Rejects is a mean, lean slab of Americana horror: a morally indefensible and nasty road movie that wallows in its torture-porn predilections as much as it does in its often arty visuals, pop aesthetic, and nihilism. A gaudy, graphically and unrelenting violent film with a sly sense of humor and streamlined narrative, The Devil’s Rejects is a well-made film of no socially redeeming value that easily whets the viewer’s appetite for the director's initial cinematic foray—for surely, if the sequel is that good, then the first film to feature this family band of psychotic, murdering hicks has to be just as good or better, doesn't it?

Well, no, it doesn't. And, in fact, it isn't. A good twenty minutes shorter than its sequel, House of 1000 Corpses nonetheless seems twice as long. And why? Well, although Zombie's talent with actors and the camera is also very much evident in his first film, what is missing is the narrative proficiency of the sequel. Like The Devil's Rejects, House of 1000 Corpses is mean, but unlike Zombie's second film from 2005, it isn't at all lean. It's an incomprehensible and meandering mess that loses its way in a cascade of citations and film homages, and which, in the end, can't seem to decide if it's a hick-horror film ala the numerous The Texas Chainsaw Massacres (to which it owes much of its plot) or a supernatural-killers-in-the-basement movie. In this sense, it fails on the same level as Mike Mendez's first film The Killers (1996 / trailer) does: too many ingredients. And though the ingredients might be good on their own or when mixed more selectively, thrown in all together and in excess they never manage to harmonize. As a result, unlike in The Devil's Rejects, all the interesting visual tricks of the trade that Zombie picked up as a music video director—slow motion, stock footage, split screen, solarization, filters, etc.—seem less like an added attraction than a smokescreen meant to hide the film's narrative flaws.

After an inanely entertaining but out-of-place robbery-gone-wrong scene, two couples in a car stop at a cheesy roadside attraction run by an obviously wacko man named Captain Spalding (cult fave Sid Haig) who regales them with the tale of the nearby location of the tree upon which the legendary Dr Satan was hung to death. Like the idiots that they are, the four victims-to-be follow the map scribbled by Spaulding and drive out into the dark and stormy night to find the tree—and even pick up a hot blonde hitchhiker along the way (the delectable Sheri Moon Zombie as Baby Firefly). A shot-out tire later, the four teens get to meet the entire crazed Firefly clan, a family that turns out to be as sadistic as they are murderous. Needless to say, no idiot gets out alive—but before the four teens (and a few other secondary characters) all meet their maker, two get treated to an underground hell full of mutilated nutcases, an oversized half-naked and axe-wielding killer, and the mutated Dr. Satan himself.

In the end, although House of 1000 Corpses shares many of the traits that work so well in The Devil's Rejects, in Zombie’s first film they never properly congeal at any level. Despite the skin and blood and violence and nihilism and aesthetics and the obvious good hand with actors, the film not only gets lost in its overly referential and scattered story but—worst of all—actually begins to bore. But to give credit where credit is due, although House of 1000 Corpses may be a failure on the whole, it does nonetheless offer evidence that the director himself is indeed talented and is probably capable of doing something much better—which is exactly what he did with The Devil's Rejects.

Fast Food, Fast Women (USA, 2000)

A pleasant, slow moving romantic comedy with a definite "feel good" bent that, had it been made with a big budget and big names, would have sucked. Much of its charm lies in the film's low-budget, almost underground film style, which helps make the at times rather trite story easier to deal with. Director Amos Kollek has cultivated a grainy, raw style for a couple of films now, though this could be the first time he applies it to a light comedy. His previous "alternative" critical successes here in Europe, Sue (1997) and Fiona (1998), also featured this raw, Cinéma Vérité style, but they were both the type of depressing film that such a style is common to.
Fast Food, Fast Woman, were it but a bit smoother and cleaner, could easily be mistaken as a Hal Hartley film. It even has scenes obviously improvised that have little to do with advancing the plot, as is so common to Hartley's projects. The short scene in which the young (Afro-American? Afro-Polish? Afro-Polish-American?) son of a Polish hooker dances briefly with Bella cannot help but bring to mind the much cleaner, "spontaneous" group dance in Hartley's excellent film Simple Men (1992).
It is often these little asides, these scenes which have nothing at all to do with the story per say and would never find their way in a mainstream film, which help add that quirky edge that makes these types of movies so enjoyable. Actually, Kollek is probably the only director to come to my mind that has gone from "established" to alternative films...
Kollek's first real film of note in the USA was Goodbye, New York (1985), starring Julie Hagerty at a time when people still knew who she was. A flop, his next two films were still relatively mainstream, even if his casts now tended to include more big names going down and little names going up: Forever, Lulu (1987) featured Hanna Schygulla, Debbie Harry, Alec Baldwin and an appearance from Dr. Ruth Westheimer, while High Stakes (1989) had Sally Kirkland, Kathy Bates and a very young Sarah Michelle Geller. Moving ever further away from mainstream cinema, Kollek next film of note was Whore II (aka Bad Girls) in 1994. Sold as a sequel to Kurt Russell's misfired Whore (1991), Kollek's film was realistic and effective in a way Russell's never came close to. But then, unlike Russell, Kollek let real whores do some talking in his film.
Although a director who tends to wallow in the gritty side of New York life, who likes so to focus on those marginal types that eventually fall through the cracks, in Fast Women, Fast Food Kollek has a rather dry, whimsical outlook that can find wry humor in as simple things as old men bullshitting about women, hookers who stutter when they get nervous, or suicide attempts as a way to add excitement to the day. The film is far from a laugh a minute, in fact, the laughs are seldom loud and mostly chuckles, but the accumulative effect is noticeable. The only truly over-the-top aspect of the story is its highly improbable and completely unexpected out of the left field ending. An obvious ironic comment on the concept of "happy ends," it is comparable to the equally laughable fairytale ending of the spry English comedy Saving Grace (2000) or, going even further back in film history, the happy ending F. W. Murnau was forced to add to his silent masterpiece The Last Laugh (1924).
The performances in Fast Food Fast Women are solid and the characterization strong, but one has to admit that this time around Anna Thompson, a critical favorite in Europe and star of both Sue and Fiona, is the weakest link in the whole film. Too old to play the character she does, her stretched facial skin prevents much acting and her arms and legs are so out of proportionally thin to the rest of her that the viewer can only assume that she has a junk habit that is as bad as her silicon job is good. That aside, for a quirky film about the human, generation-spanning need and search for love and happiness, Fast Food Fast Women is pleasant piece of low-budget fluff. Hardly crucial but completely enjoyable.

Museum of the Dead/Zombie Attack (2004)

One of the hardest things to believe about this "movie" from 2004 is that "director" James Glenn Dudelson has supposedly "directed" some seven other films, for at best Museum of the Dead comes across as a freshman film project of a talentless student whose rich parents bought his way into a fifth-rate film school – and even in the most undemanding of film schools, the project would have gotten an F-. Seldom does a film get made that is as bereft of any likeable quality as is this one – one can only wonder why it was ever even made in the first place. No story, no characterization, crappy acting, crappy music, crappy CGI, crappy make-up, crappy sets, lousy dubbing... but, worst of all, as shitty as the film is, it isn't even enjoyable as a bad film. In comparison to the talent displayed by James Glenn Dudelson in this film, Jim Wynorski displays the talent of a Stanley Kubrick in any given movie of his entire oeuvre (Vampirella included).
The minimal plot concerns two girls – one blond and ditzy, one brunette and serious (Tanya Vidal – obviously so ashamed of the flick that, at the time this review is being written, she doesn't even list it her IMDB filmography) – who decide to go to a once-a-year special opening of the Museum of the Dead on Halloween. Once inside, they wander around a maze of corridors (actually only one corridor filmed from different angles) and cheap sets until zombies start attacking. In-between, some ghostly cannibal savage keeps popping up to attack and kill people, and two spear-carrying Egyptian female warriors also make a guest appearance for no logical reason. Other museum guests show up for a few seconds at a time only to promptly get attacked and turned into zombies. Among the few guests that are given a little extra time are a fat buddy of the two babes, a “good” thief out to steal a certain museum piece so as to return it to its rightful owners and some cops answering the serious girl’s mobile phone call for help (of course, after that first call, she drops and loses the phone). The twist ending is ridiculous.
To talk about what makes Museum of the Dead a crappy film is easy. What is impossible, however, is to find one redeemable quality in the film – and that says a lot, considering some of the positive words that other bad films on this website get. Avoid this direct-to-DVD filmic abortion at all costs, for Museum of the Dead is truly one of those rare films that has no redeemable qualities at all – even as a project based on the concept of keeping starving actors off of welfare, this film remains an unforgivable insult to the world as a whole. Forget about buying this piece of shit – and if anyone ever gives you this movie, you should slap their face!