A Wasted Life: Babes of Yesteryear: Uschi Digard, Part VII: 1973-74

Babes of Yesteryear: a wasted life's irregular and PI feature that takes a look at the filmographies of the underappreciated actresses cum sex bombs of low-culture cinema of the past. Some may still be alive, others not. Our choice of whom we look at is idiosyncratic and entirely our own — but the actors are/were babes, one and all. (Being who we are, we might also take a look at some actor cum beefcake, if we feel like it.)

As the photo and blog-entry title above reveal, we're currently looking at the films of one of the ultimate cult babes ever, a woman who needs no introduction to any and all red-blooded American hetero male whose hormonal memory goes further back than the start of the 80s: the great Uschi Digard.*

As The Oak Drive-In puts it: "With her long hair, Amazonian build & beautiful natural looks (usually devoid of make-up), nobody seems to personify that 60's & early 70's sex appeal 'look' better than [Uschi Digard]. She had a presence that truly was bigger than life — a mind-bending combination of hippie Earth Mother looks and a sexual wildcat. […] She always seemed to have a smile on her face and almost seemed to be winking at the camera and saying 'Hey, it's all in fun.' Although she skirted around the edges at times, she never preformed hardcore…"

Today, Uschi Digard is still alive, happily married (for over 50 years), and last we heard retired in Palm Springs, CA. To learn everything you ever wanted to know about her, we would suggest listening to the great interview she gave The Rialto Report in 2013.
Please note: we make no guarantee for the validity of the release dates given… or of the info supplied, for that matter.

Herewith we give a nudity warning: naked babes and beefcake are highly likely to be found in our Babes of Yesteryear entries. If such sights offend thee, well, either go to another blog or pluck thy eyes from thee...

Go here for

Uschi Digard, Part I: 1968-69
Uschi Digard, Part II: 1970, Part I
Uschi Digard, Part III: 1970, Part II
Uschi Digard, Part IV: 1971, Part I
Uschi Digard, Part V: 1971, Part II

Uschi Digard, Part VI: 1972

The Maids
(1973, dir. "Jack Jackson")

Some sites list this movie as having been made in 1975, but we've seen newspaper adverts from 1973 for this movie. Wethinks people confuse it with the 1975 British art film of the same title (trailer and poster below) starring Glenda Jackson and Susannah York based (loosely) on the true-crime story of Christine and Léa Papin.

Trailer to
The Maids:

No, The Maids in question, a stateside, non-arthouse movie that even puts Uschi on the poster, is the one directed by porn director "Jack Jackson" a.k.a. "Jourdan Alexander", the man behind Female Chauvinists (1975), which we write about in detail later (in Part VIII).

We would assume Jack Jackson's The Maids to be "lost", as little more than the poster can be found online. The Maids was produced by "Damon Christian", born Richard Aldrich, who has retired from sexploitation and porn to run the 1780 Farm and has since run into trouble by cowardly but sinless, stone-throwing prudes. (Trumpsters, we assume.)

Love & the Great Grunt

(1973, dir. sort-of unknown)

OK, we haven't watched this movie — "Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!" — so our assumptions in the following are exactly that: guesswork based simply on available "facts".

A.k.a. known as Satisfaction Guaranteed and The Magic Mirror, the last because it seems to lift parts from the obscure, 1970 soft-core one-day wonder of the same name, The Magic Mirror (see Part III). As with The Magic Mirror, the "official" director of Satisfaction Guaranteed and/or Love & the Great Grunt is unknown and open to discussion, as different sources offer different names.

The imdb claims Satisfaction Guaranteed was "invented and conceived by" the one-film-wonder "Melvin Kissem", and the iafd confirms him as the director, even as they claim the film to be 1976 release. That date, of course, would explain the presence of fuck-film names that hadn't even been in the industry when the 1970 version of The Magic Mirror was floating around, but just because someone is credited doesn't mean they're in the film. (Laurien Dominique, for example, is credited but not there, according to the regular imdb contributor lor, whom we return to further below. Other credited names, like Jodi Thorpe or Toni Scott [the latter found also in Hardgore (1974)], may be there but weren't even in the business at the time the original version of The Magic Mirror and/or Love & the Great Grunt was supposedly made.) The problem we have with the "Melvin Kissem" directorial credit, however, is that there seems to be a C. Davis Smith film out there thus entitled about "the amorous adventures of three secretaries willing to ante up for an evening of satisfying sport sex with a trio of male studs". A trashy film and trash director with the same name...?

The iafd, which doesn't bother with listing The Magic Mirror, lists Love & the Great Grunt as a totally different movie than Satisfaction Guaranteed, and as having been directed by Antony Weber — also, it appears, a one-film wonder. But the "stars" named are the same ones named at the imdb for The Magic Mirror.
Therefore it is probably safe to assume that all three films, if nothing else, use common material, and thus are cut and paste jobs re-edited to fit the time of their release, probably with newer and/or hardcore material added. Over at Cannibalized Cinema, they claim that the hardcore footage is taken from Devil's Due (1973) — who are we to say it isn't?

Over at the forum of Porncoven, gadgeteer posits that "going by Rene Bond having had a boob job and when Jane Tsentas quit working, [Love and the Great Grunt] dates to 1971 or 1972. Love and the Great Grunt is on the painting and in graffiti at the intro — so it's the original title and Magic Mirror some alternate. The director and producer was 'Antony Weber', from the graffiti."

In the same forum zushiomaru says the movie is "hard to sit thru or describe, lots of short scenes, an orgy, several scenes in an office w/ a Groucho Marx lookalike." This actually makes the film sound like they also used clips from Marriage American Style (1970, dir. Unknown, see Part III) in which Uschi, as "Miss Grunt" — notice the last name? — works for a lawyer who looks just like Groucho Marx.

The last to comment on the movie at Porncoven is bigfatbob, who uploaded the Satisfaction Guaranteed poster and said, "This is an experimental/art film that is filled with lots and lots of group sex scenes, psychedelic imagery, and other weirdness. That's about the only description I can give you. I've had this movie for a while, but I've never watched it. I tried once or twice, but it's simply too weird." A description that corresponds, in a way, to the Alpha Blue plot description supplied on the back of their DVD Uschi Digard Triple Feature 3, which includes Love & the Great Grunt (1972): "Bafflingly odd XXX film is an overdose of weirdness. Nazis, fencing matches, Uschi, and very rare hardcore action with some very cute 70s' babes!"

In other words, a "sloppy mixture of porn & underground filmmaking", as lor called it on 22 January 2015 at the imdb, going on to say: "Occasionally filmmakers have crossed the line to match the original '60s impulse of underground/experimental filmmaking with pornography, and Satisfaction Guaranteed is an example of a failure in this genre. […] It was produced by untalented Frisco director Bob Kirk. [Italics, ours.] Result is what I refer to as the 'cinema of slop', a mish-mash of dumb ideas, attempts to shock (in the '60s/'70s Ken Russell manner) and what looks suspiciously like a ton of old XXX footage thrown in from other porn projects. Alternate title Love & the Great Grunt derives from principal character, a pseudo-Satanist called the Great Grunt who, conforming with this other porn sub-genre, has a half-painted face to make him appear demonic. [...] Dumb premise of the film is that there is a revolution against GG stirring, with one of his acolytes, named 218 (opposed by a more literally named 666), vying for power. Ultimately GG is overthrown [...]. Uschi [...] is clearly the only reason to watch it at all. Anonymous director 'Kissem' cast many big-breasted femmes opposite Uschi, of whom Sandi Carey has the largest role. Uschi [...] is strictly soft-core [...] but the other gals go full hardcore. [...] Key scene for present-day fans of psychotronic or bizarre cinema comes late in the film, when GG holds a typical Satanic ceremony with a girl laid out on display surrounded by the cast dressed up as if Ricky's costume shops had been invented a couple of decades earlier. She has an apple in her mouth, so it isn't surprising when the cast starts feeding on her body, a cannibalism scene that is merely silly since no budget for makeup EFX was provided. [...] It plays like a dumb backyard movie, of which amateur filmmaker Don Glut was a pioneer. [...]"

One of Sandi Carey's last roles before disappearing was "Coed #2", not in a porn film but horror flick — of the fun, bad-film kind. Are you ready for....

Tom Kennedy's
Time Walker (1982):

But to return to the fact that the producer of Satisfaction Guaranteed was Bob Kirk, an unknown and untalented and forgotten and seemingly untraceable pornographer active in San Francisco circa 1972 to 1978. Seeing that all other films that he is known to have produced he also directed, it is feasible he also "directed" this one. (The flaw in this hypothesis is that he was not known to use pseudonyms.)
One last things: as of recent, Love and the Great Grunt is often listed as a.k.a. title for Cries of Ecstasy, Blows of Death (1973, see further below). This is wrong. Though the latter is also directed by Antony Weber and shares some of the same cast, they are nevertheless two distinct movies. Nevertheless, one cannot help but notice that the woman on the lower left of the Satisfaction Guarenteed poster above is modeled after a babe in Cries/Blows.

Sex, Love and Happiness

(1973, writ & dir. Frank Sürth)

Aufklärungsfilme ("educational films") were the German equivalent of white-coaters, and from the late sixties to the end of the 70s, there were hundreds of them. A good introduction to them, should you understand some German, is the entertaining 1988 German "documentary" film on the genre, Die Aufklärungsrolle - Als die Liebe laufen lernte (1988), trailer below.

German trailer to

Aufklärungsrolle — Als die Liebe laufen lernte:

Frank Sürth, a German, had a very short career as an Aufklärungsfilm and sex-film director. As far as we can tell, this is his second directorial effort; he made his first one in 1971, Sex-Export aus Amsterdam, and his (possibly) last, Sex-Export aus Amsterdam, Teil 2, in 1976.

Along the way, he also "presented" foreign product on the German market (see the German poster of the Mexican horror flick Night of a Thousand Cats [1972 / trailer] below).

We could find little about any of his films, though the Amsterdam films — the VHS cover further above is to the first — seem to be typical soft-core sex comedies. But as we doubt Bambi Allen (2 May 1938 – 21 Jan 1973) ever went to Europe to make any movies, we assume the use of loops and other edited-in film material was involved in Teil 2 — or that any and all of them are perhaps simply US product re-edited and re-dubbed for the German market.

The same could be for Sex-Love and Happiness, which doesn't seem to have Bambi but does have 20th-century American skin stars Rick Lutz, Uschi Digard and "René Lutz" (that's Rene Bond to most of us) and, going by the title, was marketed in Germany as another Aufklärungsfilm. Who knows whether it ever had a release in the US under any title, much less this one…

The German firm 2001 does claim that the movie is a.k.a. Virgin Dreams, but the problem is that the only Virgin Dreams out there is the 1977 porn flick written and directed by Zebedy Colt (20 Dec 1929 – 29 May 2004), and that East Coast production not only features only East Coast porn stars but was made after this one.

Frank Sürth, assuming it is the same person, was born in Cologne on 18 April 1917 (or 1921), and died in Las Vegas on 30 November 1998.

The German Film Dienst has a rather vacuous film description, in German: "Deutscher Aufklärungsfilm, der einen ebenso reichen wie rücksichtslosen Jüngling vor den Schreibtisch eines Sexualberaters befördert, um die Lehrdarstellung der geschlechtlichen Vereinigung mit einem hochgestochenen Text zu begleiten." (In English, we would say that it more or less says: "A German educational film [Aufklärungsfilm] in which a young man, as rich as he is reckless, is brought to the desk of a sex ed instructor to assist in the educational visualization of sexual intercourse accompanied by a pompous text.")

Interestingly enough, the previous year (1972) saw another "documentary" sharing almost the same name, Sex, Love and Marriage, directed by "Terry Gould" aka David Grant. The adults-only short below is perhaps his most famous filmic production.

The full adults-only short film —
Snow White and the Seven Perverts (1972):

Superchick
(1973, dir. Ed Forsyth)

So, was Ed Forsyth (2 June 1920 – 29 August 2004) also the director Van Guylder or not? It is often claimed that the Van Guylder of The Ramrodder (1969 / trailer) is actually Forsyth, but then is Forsyth also the Van Guylder who made The Bang Bang Gang (1970 / scene) and Hollywood Babylon (1972, see Part VI)? Do you know? We don't.

Opening credits to
Superchick:

Superchick is a title many have heard and many remember, but few have seen. Quentin Tarantino obviously has seen it, however, for he pays slight homage to the movie with the opening credits sequence of Jackie Brown (1997 / trailer), which somewhat mirrors that of Superchick. Trivia of note: In the film, which was a theatrical release of the sorely missed Crown International Pictures (they no longer release new product), the main character, Tara B. True (Joyce Jillson [26 Dec 1945 – 1 Oct 2004), is a stewardess for Crown International Airlines.

Joyce Jillson, by the way, was more famous and successful as an astrologer than an actress; like so many astrologers, she failed to foresee her demise: "Joyce Jillson — celebrity astrologer. Joyce was an author of a nationally syndicated astrology column which appeared in nearly 200 newspapers including the LA Times and the NY Daily News! She also was Ronald Reagan's official psychic!!! Administration! She died in 2004. Wow...Who knew? [Dougsploitation]" She also wrote books, the cover of one of which is shown below.

TV Guide's plot description is as good as any: "While in the air, she's a brown-haired stewardess serving coffee to happy passengers, but, once she lands, Jillson doffs her wig, letting her natural blonde hair and unrestrainable erotic instincts take over. She is Superchick: stewardess, karate expert, crime fighter, and sex object. Her adventures take her around the country in an episodic romp that culminates when she foils a skyjacking. […]"

Cinebeats admits that the movie is "one of my favorite sexploitation films from the seventies", saying, "Superchick is not a great film, […] but it's one of the best 'so bad it's good' movies that I've ever seen. […] If you're looking for cheap thrills, Superchick has very few. The sexual content of Superchick is really tame by today's standards and far from gratuitous. The movie is much more playful and fun than sexy, and whenever possible director Ed Forsyth goes for laughs over titillation."

As for the film's star, Cinebeats says, "After watching Superchick it's easy to see why she had a hard time finding roles. Jillson is very cute and had a sort of naive appeal. But she lacked charisma and her acting is incredibly flat and impossible to take seriously. She also can't dance and seemed to have poor coordination, which often makes her performance in Superchick really funny to watch."

Trailer to

Superchick:

Your Stupid Minds looks at the socio-cultural aspects of Superchick, stating: "Just after the 1960s militant feminist movement and before the AIDS epidemic of the 80s, Superchick exists in that awkward gap between free love and consequences known as the 1970s. Joyce Jillson is 'Superchick', mild-mannered stewardess (not flight attendant) Tara B. True during the day. In her ample downtime she is 'Superchick', a catsuit-wearing blonde-locked nymphomaniac with three different boyfriends across the country. […] Superchick is surprisingly progressive. It doesn't exactly shatter gender conventions, but it does tap on the glass a few times. The title shows how women can so easily use their own superpowers (sex, and sometimes karate) to overpower men and do their bidding. Tara uses men the same way a playboy uses women, and her blasé attitude counters the double standard women must endure when it comes to sex. […] Superchick simply treats sex the same way most men do, which makes it both frustrating and alluring to the gentlemen in her life. It's always nice to see female protagonists that aren't pining for some dingus boyfriend, seeking man-hating revenge, or getting slapped around. Tara makes her own decisions, and couldn't care less about what society thinks of her. […]"

On the other side of the street is Alex in Wonderland, who views Superchick as "an unwatchable sex romp about a promiscuous airline stewardess named Tara B. True (Joyce Jillson) and her various lovers. The only thing 'super' about her is her insatiable appetite for sex, and she gets it on with nearly everyone she meets. A self-proclaimed sex goddess, she actually has to dress herself down at work in order to deflect the constant attention of men, and states that 'with measurements like mine, even the auto-pilot makes passes at me'. Ironically, she's much more attractive as a timid and mousy stewardess than she is as a blonde bombshell in hotpants. […] While the production is barely competent, it's the tone and attitude of the free-loving 1970's hippie sensibilities that make the film so difficult to watch. While it may be considered progressive to feature such a strong, intelligent, independent, and sexually charged woman as the star of the show, the prevailing attitudes are still extremely sexist and distasteful. The dialog is atrocious and the 'action' scenes are laughably pathetic. The plot is complete nonsense, and simply an excuse for Superchick to sleep with as many men as possible. […] The film really has no redeeming qualities at all, unless you just want to see some au naturel 70's breasts." (Of course we do.)

Grindhousefilm says it succinctly, "I encourage everyone to watch Superchick. If only to learn exactly how NOT to make a movie. It is truly a one-of-a-kind piece of garbage that is endlessly enjoyable. It's a real treat."

Uschi Digard shows up is a short appearance as the lesbian porn actress Mayday (above), while John Carradine (of, among many movies, Shock Waves [1977]) is there as an old, retired horror film actor named Igor Smith who's into S&M.

The Roommates
(1973, dir. Arthur Marks)

Not to be confused with the 1982's Roommates, one of the last gasp classics of the Golden Age of porn (poster below).

The Roommates at hand was directed by Arthur Marks, who began his directorial career in 1970 with the forgotten movie Togetherness, but it was in 1972 with both Class of 74 (trailer) and Bonnie's Kids (trailer) that he flowered artistically for a brief but rich period of well-made and enjoyable exploitation films that included this "sleazy serial killer opus" here and a subsequent five Blaxpoitation films, Detroit 9000 (1973 / trailer), Bucktown (1975 / trailer), Friday Foster (1975 / trailer), J.D.'s Revenge (1976 / trailer) and The Monkey Hu$tle (1976 / trailer), plus one all-white oddity in between entitled A Woman for All Men (1975 / full movie). He also had a hand in producing and distributing the fun mess that is Linda Lovelace for President (1975 / trailer), as well as William Girdler's The Zebra Killer a.k.a. The Get-Man a.k.a. Combat Cops (1974 / trailer) and John Peyser's effective but sordid The Centerfold Girls (1974 / trailer below).

Trailer to
The Centerfold Girls:

TV Guide has the plot to The Roommates, which is an early (very low) body-count film: "A fun-filled vacation of sun and sex ends up in tragedy for five voluptuous girls — [Heather (Pat Woodell [12 July 1944 – 29 Sept 2015]), Beth (Roberta Collins [17 Nov 1944 – 16 Aug 2008]), Carla (Marki Bey of Sugar Hill & Her Zombie Hitmen [1974 / trailer]), Brea (Laurie Rose), and Heather's cousin Paula (Christina Hart)] — when one of their lovers turns out to be a demented murderer. Woodell finds a personable camper; Collins falls for a divorced architect; Bey has a romance with a local black policeman, and Rose and Hart both become involved with the shy, virginal Arnie [Gary Mascaro (12 Sept 1949 – 2 Dec 1992)]. The vacation takes a sour twist when a female figure is seen stabbing someone to death. A second murder follows: a young girl is shot while water skiing. The girls attend a party, and someone starts shooting at the guests. Bey's policeman boy friend chases down the assailant and kills him. The dead killer is stripped of his wig and dress, and identified as…."

Uschi Digard shows up, uncredited, in the opening orgy scene — she's recognizable in the screenshots below — along with an equally uncredited Juanita Brown, whose subsequent brief carrier (most of it happened in 1974) included appearances in Caged Heat (1974 / trailer), Foxy Brown (1974 / opening credits), and the lead in one of the sleazier dramas from the heyday of Blaxploitation, Black Starlet (1974 / 10 minutes).

At Johnny LaRue's Crane Shot, Marty McKee says, "Sitcom dialogue by Marks and John Durren (Devil Times Five [1974 / trailer]) establishes the young women as vivacious, smart-mouthed, and ready for a good time. Collins, a terrific comedienne buried in exploitive sexpot roles, is really funny here and trades banter well with everyone […]. After a rambling first act that gets its locations and sprawling cast in a row, Act Two tips the so-far breezy narrative on its side with the bloody murder of blond Alice (Connie Strickland) by someone dressed as Father Guido Sarducci. […] The Roommates is never believable, but it's consistently interesting with the actors' strong personalities compensating for any plot and dialogue deficiencies. Yes, the film is overstuffed (Roger Corman did this type of film better with three women, rather than five), leading to some awkward story turns and transitions, but it's entertaining enough…."

Oh the Horror, which calls the movie "Psycho (1960 / trailer) by way of a 70s sitcom" and describes it as an "unwittingly fascinating as an odd 70s relic", says, "Business finally picks up with the first murder, but not for the reasons you might expect. No, the death itself is pretty standard fare, especially by early slashing standards. Instead, it's everyone's reaction to the horror surrounding them — or, rather, their complete non-reaction. No one is particularly shaken up, and everyone's routine continues as normal, from the awkward courtships to the constant partying. It's not just an isolated incident, either: as the body count mounts, so too does everyone's complete nonchalance. A girl gets shot to death while waterskiing? The cops can't help but give the killer credit for being a hell of a shot. Two of the main girls are terrorized in their own homes? Naturally, they throw a party the very next day. As this pattern recurs, it only becomes more outrageous: how is it that nobody seems to give a damn that a psychopath is on the loose? […] While it has its other eccentricities and curiosities […], its total refusal to deal in rational, human behavior is unreal. When you've managed to craft a film where a camp nurse tries to bed one of the campers and it's not the most outrageous event, you've succeeded on at least one level. As a slasher, it might not deliver the same gory goods as its descendants, but it does feature these sort of wacky flourishes expected of the genre, including a game cast of lovely ladies. Even when they're stuck in horrible, melodramatic subplots […], they're clearly having a blast and infuse the film with both sass and denseness. Never have you been more convinced by a group of girls writing off a slew of murders as 'one crazy summer'. You imagine they've probably encountered and survived weirder shit through the sheer power of partying. The Roommates […] might (faintly) anticipate Friday the 13th (1980 / trailer) and other hormonal slashers, but it's not the least bit concerned with blighting promiscuity. Instead, it chooses to laugh off that notion and drive off towards the next party."

Trailer to

The Roommates:

Welcome Home, Johnny
(1973, writ. & dir. "Jim Watkins")

Not to be confused with the "serious" TV movie, Welcome Home, Johnny Bristol, title card below, made the year earlier.

Director "Jim Watkins" is actually James Howard, seemingly another one-film wonder; Uschi is there, but credited as "U. Heidi Sohler". So little can be found online regarding this movie that we can't help but wonder whether it might not be a lost film, despite the fact that as late as 1987 in Australia "a 57-minute tape of Welcome Home Johnny was passed with an R-rating. It was awarded for sex, which was found to be [...] Frequent [and...] Gratuitous. [Refused Classification]"

The plot, as more or less found at One Sheet Index: "After four years in military prison, Johnny Russo (Johnny Blue) returns home to a wife, Susan (Tracy Handfuss), who tells him that it's all over between them: her love for Johnny is gone. Enraged, Johnny pins the objecting Susan to their bed, strips her and rapes her. Susan tells Johnny that if he is still there when she finishes her shower she will call the cops. In a run-down motel room Johnny is awakened from a screaming nightmare provoked by war memories, and learns of the murder of his wife while listening to the radio. Confused and disoriented, the ex-con runs from the police called by his suspicious landlady (Patty Beresford) and finds sanctuary in the apartment of his voluptuous neighbor, a topless dancer named Sharon (Rene Bond), who inspires Johnny to try to track down his wife's murderer. Johnny gains access to ex-wife's apartment in search of clues and is confronted by a gorgeous blond, Belinda (Jane DeSantis), who alleges to be his dead wife's girlfriend. Belinda knows that the way to a man's heart is through the zipper on his pant's fly. Belinda mounts Johnny for a long hard ride ... Belinda tells Johnny that a man named Kevin Thompson (Howard Ward) has been seeing his wife hot-and-heavy. With Belinda's help Johnny surprises Thompson with two voluptuous girls, and accuses him of his wife's murder, but police sirens scare Johnny off before Thompson confesses and he escapes to his topless dancer's apartment. Belinda equips Johnny with a loaded gun — and a chase ensues... In the violence that follows Belinda shoots Kevin..."

That's "Tracy Handfuss" above, not from the film; she's woman Johnny rapes and who is subsequently murdered. Ah, yeah: the days long ago when a man could rape a woman and still be the hero of the movie... Of course, nowadays a man can grab women by their pussies and be accused by multiple women of assault or rape and still become president — providing he's a Republican, of course. Yep, America is a great country.

Heads or Tails
(1973, writ. & dir. James Chiara)

Heads or Tails was a softcore sex film, seemingly lacking credits (or at least the original poster did). Later credits were added and then the movie was re-released with hardcore inserts and renamed Honey Buns, with the one-film wonder "James Chiara" was credited as writer, director and producer. Honey Buns appears to be the only surviving version of the movie.

Mondo Digital has the plot to the recent Honey Buns DVD release: "A silly comedy with a couple of big stars (neither of whom handle the most graphic scenes) and a really silly premise suitable for a Benny Hill skit. Schlubby Harry (Matt Hewitt) works at Internally Yours, a firm dedicated to developing cutting-edge feminine hygiene products; unfortunately, his overbearing boss (John Barnum) is also a douche. On top of that he gets chewed out by a new applicant (Uschi Digard in what amounts to a cameo), but he finds comfort in the form of his exhibitionist coworker (Rene Bond). Outside on the Miracle Mile he crosses paths with a weird magician (Harvey Whippsnake) who takes him on a walking tour (complete with awesome '70s L.A. footage) and offers him a magical red pill that can summon up the girl of his dreams. Unfortunately the vixens disappear at the worst possible moment, leaving him frustrated as he tries to keep happiness in his bed. Will he be able to come up with a plan that keeps everyone happy?"

Schlockmania, which mentions that "Rene Bond and Uschi Digart figure prominently in the credits but neither has a sex scene and Digart doesn't show any flesh", says, "The 1970s were truly the 'wild west' era of adult movies. Anyone with basic filmmaking equipment and a handful of exhibitionist performers could knock out a movie and get it into storefront theaters. The result was a lot of curious product that fulfills the genres demands in eccentric ways. […] Honey Buns will look as primitive as cave drawings to any modern connoisseur of adult fare: the filmmaking is functional at best, with lots of camera and boom shadows, and much of the sex was shot softcore with explicit inserts awkwardly added later. […] That said, Honey Buns is memorably loony. The early scenes are a weird combination of sub-sitcom comedic schtick, topped off by Hewitt's odd 'Latka Gravas' accent, plus some sleazy '70s skin-flick sex. It gets even weirder once Harry starts having his visions at home, including a standout sequence where Harry is disciplined by a cape-wearing dominatrix vision while music-library acid rock throbs on the soundtrack. In short, your interest level in Honey Buns will depend on your fondness for weird, rough-hewn early '70s adult filmmaking."

Has nothing to do with the movie, but in 1969 The Trogs released a single with a B-side song entitled Heads or Tails. That same year, an fun and sleazy Italo western was also released that is aka Heads or Tails (Italian trailer). Uschi had nothing to do with either.

The Troggs — Heads or Tails:

Poor Cecily
(1973, dir. "F.C. Perl")

Aka Lady in Trouble. "Franklin G. Pearl" is far better known under the name Lee Frost (14 Aug 1935 – 25 May 2007), the legendary exploitation director of Love Camp 7 (1969 / trailer), The Thing with Two Heads (1972 / trailer), Chrome and Hot Leather (1971 / trailer, with a slumming Marvin Gaye [April 2, 1939 – April 1, 1984]), and so much more. It is entirely possible, if not highly likely, that this movie here is inspired by or based on the works of Marquis de Sade: the themes, narrative, time frame, etc. all call out his name. Indeed, one of de Sade's lost works, the play L'Egarement de l'infortune, features a female character named Cécile...

Uschi Digard appears all of about five seconds as one of the women in the torture dungeon — also on the racks, and likewise unbilled, German cult starlet Brigitte Maier, whose most obscure film is the legendary and insane (and depressing) Blaxploitation porn flick Tongue (1976), an "important of a piece of American black cinema as any [that] remains a poignant work sure to cause some thought and controversy", about a black mute with a nine-inch tongue. So, whatever happened to "Al Poe"?

Roger Hamilton Spotts' soundtrack to

Tongue:

But to get back to Poor Cecily, TCM has the plot: "A poor little rich girl is sold into slavery to pay for her dead father's gambling debts in Renaissance France. The married couple, Lady Charlotte Hamilton (Cyndee Summers [27 Sept 1949 – 15 Nov 2009], of Devil's Ecstasy [1976 / exposition]) & Lord Hamilton (Cedric Kent), who buy Cecily (Angela Carnon) try to have their way with her, but she decides to have none of it, and runs away. The husband, in hot pursuit and with loaded pistol, dies in the chase. Poor Cecily, while on the run, unwittingly enters the land of a rich countess (Kathy Hilton), and witnesses sexual debauchery. With the excuse of a trespassing rap, the evil countess tries to use our hapless heroine for her own wicked ways. Cecily escapes, and hopes to purchase a boat ticket to America. Unfortunately for her, she is caught, arrested, and thrown into a dungeon where she is raped, whipped and tortured on the rack by fiendish witch-hunters! No longer able to stand it, she agrees to the corrupt prosecutor's condition to return to the countess, satisfying her every wish. On the carriage ride to the countess' grounds, it seems she has to satisfy at least one of his wishes as well. She has little choice but to accept her fate as a sex slave, used by the countess' aristocratic friends at midnight orgies. When her 'sentence' is up, she finds love in the arms of Anthony (I. William Quinn of Love Me Deadly [1972 / trailer below]), a fellow sex slave — one of the very few who showed kindness to her."

Trailer to the unjustly forgotten
Love Me Deadly:

According to Film Bizarro, "Comedic undertones aside, Poor Cecily isn't a bad movie […], it is simply standard sexploitation fare. It never really goes beyond having the main character go from one sexual adventure to another, which allows her to open up sexually instead of having a prudish outlook on it. Though it does seem weird that it took rape and a torture dungeon to help her get to that point, but that's what happens when you have a movie made by men for men. That being said, the comedic nature did make the movie a bit more fun to watch as opposed to making me sit there and think, 'God, this movie is disgusting and perverted. I love it! But I shall only admit it to small circles of people who also enjoy such depravity so I feel less like a disgusting pig.' Poor Cecily is more of a kick back and have a few chuckles at the expense of ridiculous degradation. Even Cecily's narration of the events that are unfolding can bring a few giggles to a viewer."

At Letterboxd, Chris Underwood writes, "Directed by the legendary exploitation supreme, Lee Frost, this is much better than some have suggested. On the face of it, a rather slow soft core with a violent dungeon scene in the middle, this is so much more. Not only do we have a fabulous collection of oversized wigs, some really fruity, posh English voices, plus a varied musical score that even includes Mozart and what sounded like Scarlatti, but we have almost constant nudity, a storyline and that dungeon scene. The movie is well paced, though may seem slow for those with one hand on the remote, and has some marvellous scenes. Ladies full-length for '69' seems Frost's favourite here, but there is a great bath scene early on and some very impressive orgy scenes. Even apart from the aforementioned dungeon scene, there are plenty of Sadean references […]. The young innocent is taught the ways of love and then gradually introduced into more extreme variations culminating in the humiliation of performing for others, which, of course, she comes to enjoy. […] Incidentally, the lovely busty blonde whipped senseless by the crazy guy with an eye patch is none other than the delectable Uschi Digard. Well worth a watch, but be warned the torture scenes are pretty strong, if sexy at the same time!"

Cries of Ecstasy, Blows of Death
(1973, dir. Antony Weber)

Uschi Digard shows up in this dystopian sci-fi sex film as Reina, and even speaks a few lines of dialogue. The Italian releases, entitled Sesso Delirio and/or Grida di Estasi, uses footage from George A. Romero's Crazies (1973 / trailer) in the opening explanation of how things led up to the nuclear war.

Trailer to
Cries of Ecstasy, Blows of Death:

Video Junkie watched the film and says, "Cries of Ecstasy, Blows of Death might be one of the top 10 best sexploitation titles ever. And while the film definitely delivers what its title promises, it fails to live up to it at the same time. Like a lot of the T&A movies from back in the day, it gets monotonous in its presentation of nekkid flesh."

Something Weird, which carries the flick, has a plot description by Lisa Petrucci: "In the year 2062, it's a barren, post-apocalyptic hell on earth. […] Pollution and man's evilness have left the world an ugly inhabitable planet that looks like the desert with a big pipeline running through it. The remaining population lives in environmentally-controlled inflatable bio-domes. And they wear gas masks to protect themselves from the toxic atmosphere. All activities are controlled by the 'World State'. So living in 2062 pretty much sucks… except that everybody seems to be getting laid as much as humanly possible! After two nubile gals in golden caftans are attacked in the desert by a roving gang of military deserters on dirt bikes, some bad-ass guys in a tricked-out funny car chase them off, but unfortunately not before one of the hippie chick's throat is slashed. Back at the clear inflatable dome (minimally furnished with bean bag chairs, a chess set, and pop art), Dala (Sandi Carey) and her gal-pal Kima (Kim Lu) find solace in each other's arms and nether regions. They also partake in an enthusiastic tongue bath on what looks to be yellow bubble wrap to the tinkling sounds of classical piano accompaniment. Outside, the men, led by General Byron White (Michael Abbott) protect their clear plastic sanctuary from the marauding bikers with cross-bows. Once the enemy is eliminated, Byron goes to check on his sexy, sad and lonely neighbor Hera (Sherri Mason). He comforts her the best way he knows how, which of course is with his dick. The men return home to Dala and Kima. They've learned that it's only a matter of days before they all will die. Dala begs Byron to kill her before the end comes so that she won't have to suffer. But instead of fretting about impending doom, all engage in some passionate soft-x lovemaking (except for John, who's left staring at the chess set.) The inhumanity ensues. A new group of people emerge from yet another souped-up funny car, this time three young women (including Reina, played by the delectable Uschi Digard [and Nia, played by the likewise pulchritudinous Neola Graef]) and their leader, Able (Steve Bennett). They immediately prey upon Hera, ravage and then strangle her. However, deaf-mute kick-ass cutie Keisha (Dianne Bishop) runs away and gets into a kung-fu match with John, who she then befriends. In the desert, they watch a random black couple (who share a gas mask) get it on. Then eight more bad guys show up and it's martial arts mayhem. The domes start to deflate and all seems hopeless. Is this the end of mankind? More to the point, is this the end of sex? Post-apocalyptic sci-fi smut has never been so violent or entertaining!"

Angels in Distress thinks that "What makes Cries of Ecstasy … Blows of Death so remarkable is the amount of time spent on sets, props, costumes and makeup in order to depict the apocalyptic future world of 2062. Produced on a shoestring budget, great effort was made to make sure that every cent spent appeared on the screen. While the seams show through on numerous occasions, Cries of Ecstasy's production design is on par with many comparable sci-fi TV shows of the same period, such as The Starlost (1973 / opening), etc. The same amount of effort, alas didn't go into the film's storyline."

Divine Exploitation, which notes "Luckily the future seems to be clothing optional," says: "There is much overacting to be had with people who belong to the yell-your-lines school of acting. That makes it funny. The one vehicle they have is this cool custom job that must be seen to be believed. The denizens of the future wear gasmasks that seem to supply them with air even though the eye holes have no glass in them. […] Even the director and producer did nothing after this and it's kind of a shame. Mixing some intense soft core with a futuristic, bleak Armageddon story with kung fu and motorcycles is always a good time."

Vice Squad Women
(1973, writ. & dir. Al Fields)

Possibly a lost film for, like its filmmaker (who also produced the movie), Vice Squad Women seems to have fallen off the face of the Earth after its initial run. The poster is easy enough to find, but finding someone who has actually seen it and written about it is not.

Luckily, there's good ol' One Sheet Index, which has the original one-sheet text:
"Graft and corruption runs rampant in ANY TOWN U.S.A. From the office of the Mayor (Charles Bauer) to the Vice Cop on the beat, from the Syndicate Boss to the lowly prostitute, EVERYONE IS ON THE TAKE! You will see Councilman Thomas (Barrett Cooper), an 'honest' politician framed and drugged into posing for lewd photographs, and Police Chief Wingate order a 'contract' on one of his own men. Bottomless bars and massage parlors are 'shaken down'. Criminals are turned loose and the innocent are made guilty!

YOU'LL MEET:

JOAN (Sonny Blaze): A BEAUTIFUL SENSITIVE YOUNG HOOKER trapped in a world of flesh, men's lust, and her own warped desires!

PHYLLIS (Jacqueline Giroux): THE TEENAGE WIFE OF A ROOKIE COP, hungry for a love she could not give!

HARRIET (Uschi Digard): THE MISTRESS OF THE SYNDICATE BOSS, who could turn on any man and any woman (and sometimes at the same time!)

HELEN (Charla Hall): THE 'SEXYTARY' TO THE MAYOR, a saucy kittenish female who could get any man with very little effort!

LUCI (Jackie English): AN 'UN-COVER' AGENT, WORKING IN A BOTTOMLESS BAR, she took more than she gave!

KATHY (Helena Davis) and JEAN (Vanette Dixon): THE MASSAGE PARLOR GIRLS, who were experts in easing aching tired 'muscles'!"

The Beauties and the Beast
(1974, dir. Ray Nadeau)

"The story you are about to see ... could be true!"

A.k.a. The Beast and the Vixens. Are we the only ones who see a direct inspirational connection between this movie and the similarly themed Barry Mahon (5 Feb 1921 – 4 Dec 1999) nudie horror from 1965 entitled The Beast that Killed Women?

A trailer to Mahon's

The Beast that Killed Women:

But here, instead of an ape killing nudists, we have bigfoot kidnapping women — and other surrealities tossed into a story that basically just peters out. Scritwriter Gayner MacLaren didn't as much write a script as he did toss together diverse ideas without following any of them through to anything mildly logical; Ray Nadeau's directional is about the same.

At Baker's Log, Rock Baker writes, "It starts off a monster movie, becomes a drama of sorts, then turns into a skin flick in earnest, then more boring drama, then threadbare crime film. Odd, dull, and goofy."

A trailer to
The Beauties and the Beast:

Unknown Movies is a bit more appreciative, saying, "To add to the ludicrous story, we're treated to a level of filmmaking that's seldom been this low. Most of the dialogue is spoken off-camera, or with the speakers' faces not visible or far away, so that the director could film most of the movie silently (to save money) and then sync in the dialogue lately. Maybe director Naneau took a cue from director Doris Wishman. But far from irritating to the viewer, it somehow seems right that such a silly story was made in such a silly fashion. The Beauties and the Beast is a neglected movie deserving notoriety as one of the best of the so-bad-they're-good. You should be warned that you'll have to look hard for this movie — it's long, long out of print, and was never plentiful even when it was first released. But this is one movie that's worth a journey around the video stores in your area to find it."

Bleeding Skull would probably agree: "Bigfoot gets a lot of action in this movie. If every movie had more Bigfoot action in it, there would be no need to complain about anything anymore. Speaking of action, everyone else in this movie gets a lot of that, too. Pubes, boobs, and penises are in no short supply in Bigfoot's general vicinity. So what the audience ends up getting out of all this action is a no-budget sex movie with a monster-on-the-loose foundation. It's like a 1970s version of The Astounding She-Monster (1957 / trailer below), but with the added bonus of a man having sex with his socks and loafers on. That's fun. But with sexploitation, fun can transform into boredom in five seconds. Beauties and the Beast doesn't have this problem. That's probably because it feels like it was pieced together with a glue stick and cat piss by a lunatic."

Trailer to
The Astounding She-Monster:

The Black Alley Cats
(1974, dir Henning Schellerup)

"Look how free my breasts are. Touch them."

Are we here at a wasted life the only ones that notice a substantial visual similarity between the kitty cat of the logo — see directly below — and the art of Rory Hayes (8 Aug 1949 – 29 Aug 1983)? Uschi appears in a sex scene in the movie — see further below — and is not listed in the credits.

The plot, as found on various websites inline: "Four young women who were raped by a street gang plan to get revenge. So forming a group called the Black Alley Cats, taking kung-fu lessons, and learning how to use guns, they go looking the gang."

Bargain Basement Thrills says the obvious: "Let's be honest; the film sucks. Really. Bad acting. Crap lighting. Over-the-top fake sex. Confused story. Characters who do not act like real people. Still, even for being rather distasteful in its subject matter, the film manages to move at a reasonable pace, and, casual raping aside, it is a serviceable exploitation film. If you are easily triggered, you might want to just avoid this movie."

NSFW Gang-rape Scene from
The Black Alley Cats:

A wasted life took a deeper look at this film was back in 2014 in R.I.P.: Harry H. Novak, Part X: 1973, where we cobbled the following together:

The second Henning Schellerup "Blaxploitation" flick Novak had his fingers in; this time around there is some cream with the black coffee. Denmark-born director Henning Schellerup (3 Jan 1928 – 12 May 2000) came to the US in 1952, was naturalized in '57, and began working in film in '68 as an assistant cameraman on the David F. Friedman film Thar She Blows (1968 / tubepornclassics). He was primarily active as a cinematographer (of such classics as Black Samson [1974 / trailer], Chesty Anderson U.S. Navy [1976 / excerpt] and everyone's favorite, Planet of the Dinosaurs [1977 / a trailer]), but he also directed an occasional TV movie or super-cheap 42nd Street flotsam like the mostly forgotten Blaxploitation flicks The Black Bunch (1973 / trailer), Sweet Jesus, Preacherman (1973 / trailer) and this movie here, The Black Alley Cats. He ended his career doing religious documentaries and Christian films and eventually retired to die in Utah.

Schellerup's "Blaxploitation" movies tend to have an oddly homemade look to them [...] and have remained notably (some might say rightfully) obscure.

The Black Alley Cats was written by a possibly pseudonymous "Joseph Drury", whose only other known credits are the scripts to the X-rated neo-noir Night Pleasures (1976)* and Schellerup's directorial debut, the possibly lost movie Dr. Carstair's 1869 Love-Root Elixir (1972).** According to trashgang, over at imdb, The Black Alley Cats was once thought lost, "Until it came out on VHS in Greece. So I had to hunt down a copy and caught one, English spoken with Greece subtitles. But still it's a hard one to find. [...] The movie takes 81 minutes to watch and let's say 79 minutes of the movie a naked chick is walking around. It was advertised that it would be a revenge movie, but no, it isn't. It's all about having sex in all ways. Sometimes really getting funny. When the raped girls go for revenge they call themselves the Black Alley Cats, walking around in some leather jackets and one girl just have panties on, nothing else underneath. [...] There is no blood at all, even when one of the girls is hit by a bullet. [...] There has been said a lot about this flick, watch it if you can catch it, you really will have a laugh sometimes and you also will notice that it was made pre-AIDS. A typical flick of that era. And remember, be aware of the bushes..."

* Since the day we first wrote our Novak entry, Night Pleasures' director "Hans Christian" has been outed as a pseudonym of Schellerup.
** Since rediscovered and avilable in its full-bush glory at many an X-rated virus-loading site like this: NSFW film.

Trailer to
The Black Alley Cats:

Of the titular four [not all Afro American] Black Alley Cats, Pamela (Sunshine Woods), Vivian (Sandy Dempsey), Marsha (Charlene Miles) and Melissa (Johnnie Rhodes), Sandy Dempsey, seen below (not from the film) and who reportedly died in a boating accident in the Gulf of Mexico in 1975, was the only non-one-film-wonder.

The soundtrack was supplied by too-unknown-to-have-ever-been-forgotten Californian Jazz man Jack Millman, who among his copious activities in music also spent a brief period doing soundtracks for semi-porn, porn and bad films, including this one and Schellerup's Dr. Carstair's 1869 Love-Root Elixir and The Black Bunch. Ubiquity says: "Jack Millman, aka Johnny Kitchen, had a hand in many interesting, obscure and highly collectible records from the 1960s and 1970s. Producing, composing, recording, editing, releasing, licensing — you name it, Millman did it. The records he touched had an eclectic range from psychedelic rock to Latin jazz, and several include editing techniques that can only be described as an early incarnation of sampling in music. The Victims of Chance, Blues Train, The Crazy People, The Trio of Tyme, The Pros, The Tarots, Jeremiah, and even (Frank Zappa protégé) Larry 'Wild Man' Fisher were some of the acts connected to Millman. Based in Los Angeles, he was called-upon by multiple people to make tax shelter records, and provided musical content for the Condor, Mira, Mirawood and Crestview labels amongst many others."

Jack Millman presents
The Afro-Soultet's Afrodesia:

But to get back to The Black Alley Cats, Bleeding Skull seems to have liked it, saying: "You can make a successful statement through research, planning, and communication. You can also make a successful statement through bottomless karate. [...] This movie is invincible trash. It is un-fuckable-with. It is vigilante costumes consisting of black leather jackets, no pants, and nylons without panties. It is a soundtrack that is mostly a drum solo. It is social reform in the guise of black boobs being pushed into white faces. It is the rare no-budget 1970s sexploitation movie that encourages expectation, surpasses it, and destroys the need for explanation. [...] The Black Alley Cats falls somewhere between the no-fi production values of Road of Death (1972 / trailer) and the over-the-top sexuality of Deadly Weapons (1974 / trailer). But it's spicier and grimier than both of those movies. And even less sensical. It's plotless, shapeless, and without structure, feeling like four reels of highlights without a through-line. [...] The Black Alley Cats is relentlessly entertaining. It's constant nudity, stupidity, and fun-loving pessimism. The dialogue is incredible ('A bunch of fucking gamblers are running number games and such — let's stop 'em!'). Plus, writer Joseph Drury and director Henning Schellerup [...] made an attempt to imbue their sleazy rape-revenge movie with a socially responsible core. They also imbued it with someone saying: 'Look how free my breasts are. Touch them.'"

The Dicktator
(1974, dir. Perry Dell)

A soft-core sci-fi sexploitation comedy written by Walt Davis (a.k.a. Mike T. Lawn and David Stefans and Walt Daviz and David Zhands and Garbis Torian and Long Hangey), a man remembered for a weird sense of humor. Assuming Perry Dell is a real person, and not just another name for Walt Davis, two years later the duet worked together again on another sex comedy (much less soft-core) entitled Deep Jaws (1974 / scene). Perry Dell, disappeared thereafter, Davis kicked around until around 1979 and then he, too, disappeared. We don't know if it's the same "Perry Dell", but in 1973 a man by that name acted in a fifth-rate Italo western entitled E il terzo giorno arrivò il corvo / On the Third Day Arrived the Crow.

Full film —
On the Third Day Arrived the Crow:

Over at All Movie, Mark Deming has the plot: "A population-control measure gone wrong leads to an international sexual campaign in this off-the-wall comedy for adults only. With the birthrate spinning out of control, a team of scientists from around the globe create a male birth control pill that will make its users sterile for two years. However, after all the major nations of the world have mandated its use, it's discovered that there is a flaw in the formula, and now the vast majority of the Earth's male population are permanently incapable of fathering children. The president of the United States hatches a plan to end the crisis by using intelligence agents to ferret out the few 'dicktators' around the world who failed to take the pill and pairing them up with beautiful women. A jailed Russian writer (Ron Carey) is released from prison to spend the night with a gorgeous blonde (Uschi Digard [credited as Elke Vann]), a shepherd from the Andes asks his assigned partner (Rene Bond) to get him in the mood by imitating a sheep, an Asian potentate (Jess Ramos) squares off with not one but two women (Joanne Stevens and Mara Sonara), and an American exchange student in Africa (Paul Daniels) has an unfortunate encounter with a lovely widow (Yolanda Beckham)."

"Elke Vann" swims in
The Dicktator:

DVD Talk, which points out that "Ms. U's Double Ds could save a snuff film" and that "[Walt] Davis's scripts are like political comedians on peyote, tossing in everything but the Cold War kitchen sink to make its overblown point about society's ills and individual hang-ups," says "The Dicktator [...] was a stab at topical humor, mixing a sci-fi like storyline with lots of vice-filled vignettes. The result was sleazy surreality, movies that played like ultra-lewd versions of Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In [...]. The Dicktator tries to maintain its level of lunacy throughout the entire movie. The story here is even more surreal [...]. Part political satire with some strange racially insensitive shtick thrown in for good measure, this movie does a decent job of combining sex with silliness... that is, until the last 10 minutes. [...] Up until the flawed finish, The Dicktator is a horribly odd hoot, the kind of movie that inspires uncomfortable, freaked-out laughter. Not really a subtle film, this is the kind of non-PC product that has an African member of the Security Council scarfing down fried chicken, the President describing his allies with all manner of unrelenting epithets (lots of slurs and slang here), and makes women nothing more than specialized sperm receptacles. Still, it tries to be a Hellsapoppin' (1941 / faux trailer) humpfest with the impregnating scenes the highlight — and in some cases, lowlight — of the entire narrative. Granted, when your Japanese lover is a man of such massive girth that he can stand naked and still pass a PG rating, there's not a lot of arousal to be found. Even the filmmakers recognize this fact, and decide to grease down the obese ogre to make him even more repugnant. [...]"

Walt Davis's "most famous" films are probably his two sexploitation horrors, the popular and softcore Evil Come Evil Go (1972 / NSFW trailer), and the infamous and hardcore Widow Blue (1970 / NSFW film). He was indeed an auteur filmmaker with a twisted vision.

From the day when PI humor was a given:

Fringe Benefits

(1974, dir. "Mike Kutchakokof")

OK, Uschi Digard lists this movie on her filmography at her website, and you can even buy posters of the film autographed by Uschi online — like the one above — but: Surprise! She is nowhere to be found in this triple-X movie, which is also a New York-based production. (Who knows, maybe a loop of hers shows up somewhere, but she is not listed as part of the cast.)

Who exactly directed the movie, we do not know: Depending where you look online, the movie is credited to among others: Al Gordon (21 April 1923 – 23 May 2012), which we sincerely doubt even if he did once long ago appear in Herschell Gordon Lewis's nudie-cutie Bell, Bare and Beautiful (1963); Walter E. Sear (27 April 1930 – 29 April 2010), which we find more believable; Roberta Findlay, which we would also find believable; and even Gerard Damiano (4 Aug 1928 – 25 Oct 2008), which we also find believable. In The XXX Filmography, 1968-1988, Jason S. Martinko for one claims Findlay as the director, adding "This movie has excellent camerawork and a good soundtrack. It was distributed theatrically in the USA by Distribpix in 1974." (On their website, the only mention of the flick Distribpix makes is, "Lovely Michelle Magazine […] was in Al Gordon's Fringe Benefits.")

Walter E. Sear and Roberta Findlay, by the way, often worked together: he did the music to a lot of her movies, including The Oracle (1985), and yes, they also collaborated on porno films... so this could well be a collaborative project of the two.

Cinema of the World has the "plot": "Tighttwat Institute for Sexual Research, aka 'Hard-on Heaven', is where Dr. Cherrypopper (Kevin Andre) gets sex readings from assistant Miss Motormouth (Michelle Magazine). Their new client is impotent Harry Flattout (Eric Edwards). As a workplace sex pacifier, Harry pacified Ginny Pullertit (Barbara Cole) and shy new worker Mary-Ann Lobglob (Susie Mathews), with assistance from Thunderfart (Cindy West), who moved on to passer-by Captain Sukatiddy (Jeffrey Hurst). Harry got fired ganging up on Mr. Cockpul's (Harding Harrison) private secretary and lover, Elaine Ziptitz (Darby Lloyd Rains). Dr. Tighttwat (Georgina Spelvin) takes her own advantage of Harry, supposedly ascertaining his case while really climaxing while remaining a virgin. Up next, Dr. Cherrypopper's machine overloads when his assistant seduces him, and the assistant test drives Harry's resulting permanent erection. Harry uses it to forcefully deflower Dr. Tighttwat, until she consents. So does Elaine Ziptitz, who reveals ending up enjoying their first encounter. Harry is re-hired as the boss realizes the importance of fringe benefits."

The movie is definitely not based on Rock Anthony's vintage "erotic" novel of the same name, one cover of which is presented above. "This cover for Rock Anthony's 1963 novel Fringe Benefits was painted by Paul Rader (5 Oct 1906 – June 1986) and ranks as one of his most famous pieces. You see it everywhere. But as far as we know, nobody posting the art has bothered to read the story, so we bought a copy of this Midwood Books classic and sat down with some cold white wine. It took just over three hours to read, which was perfect timing because we were out of wine by then. Basically, you have a corporate drone who has his pick of women but isn't inspired by any of them. There's Adele, the society woman who's the major shareholder of the company. There's the boss's smoldering cougar secretary Mildred. There's the drab but sweet office assistant Nina. There's Gladys, the always available member of the steno pool. And eventually there's the eighteen-year-old new girl Dolly. We have no idea which one is supposed to be depicted in Rader's cover art. Probably Mildred, though she's a redhead in the book. [Pulp International]"

In any event, Fringe Benefits the film is yet another movie, like so many back then, in which rape is presented as acceptable behavior, a laughing matter, or at worst, a cavalier's offence. Not like today, when it seems to be a stepping stone for Republican political career.
The Slim Pickens that did the soundtrack is NOT the Slim Pickens (29 June 1919 – 8 Dec 1983) actor and country singer. The Slim Pickins here "was a rock band out of Allentown, Pennsylvania". They later changed their name to Pickens.

Slim Pickens' Give Me Love,
from Fringe Benefits:

I Want You!

(1974, dir. Unknown)

(Full NSFW film.) Well, the movie does have a groovy poster — the poster artist of the one above is as unknown as the movie's "director". The imdb remains noncommittal in regards who told the actors what to do, but the iafd and many other websites of the kind that promptly load a virus on your computer credit a "M. Baudricot" as the filmmaker. If that is indeed the case, he was another one-film wonder. Uschi is named on the poster above — as "Ushi".

In The XXX Filmography, 1968-1988, Jason S. Martinko offers a typically terse plot description: "I Want You! 1971 Carroll Productions 63 min. P/D: Unknown. Cast: Uschi Digard, Jan Davis, Annette Michael, John Holmes, Pete Dawson. Jeanette Yates (Davis) is an unhappy housewife who seeks the help of Dr. H.K. Marcus (Dawson). He sets her straight with a little 'physical therapy.' Clips from this film of Jan Davis and Pete Dawson are featured in The Orgy Machine, which was released in 1972. Released on DVD by Caballero."

Uschi opens the film bouncing about in nude slow motion, proving once again that when it came to bouncing love pillows, hers were superlative — much like her smile, actually. "Mr. Yates", by the way, is played by a young but still butt-ugly John Holmes (18 Aug 1944 – 13 March 1988).

What came first, the chicken or the egg? The release date of this movie changes with the website you visit. Note the poster directly below, supposedly from 1969. [filmart gallery] No names, nothing. We venture to say that poster is the original one, and for a porn film populated by hairy unknowns … and maybe a future "star" (i.e., John Holmes). And perhaps even made in 1971, as Jason S. Martinko says I Want You! was. Look at the patriotic-looking "drawn" poster at the top: name star, John "Johnny Wadd" Holmes. Note that the first and eponymous Johnny Wadd film, Bob Chinn's Johnny Wadd, was released in 1971, more or less the time when I Want You! was first released. Thus, we would conjecture that the "art" poster way above is from a later re-release after Holmes and Johnny Wadd were a semi-household name. And thus we list the movie as a 1974 release, as do various other websites, including Uschi Digard's own website.

What came first, the chicken or the egg, Part II? The clips of Jan Davis and Pete Dawson were indeed either taken from or subsequently used in The Orgy Machine (1972, see Part VI). The two were a married couple, and they normally shared their sex scenes. Where they are today is unknown... or does someone out there know?

The advert above is from the day when 42nd Street was still fun. The Love is long gone, as is the Avon 7.

Panorama Blue

(1974, dir. Alan Roberts)

A.k.a. Pornorama Blue and Blue Visions and Sex Story. "Alan Roberts", born and died Robert Alan Brownell (2 Nov 1946 – 3 July 2016), was primarily active as an editor, but he was known for some pretty sorry-ass directorial projects. Up until 2012, his most famous films were probably the cinematic mistakes that are The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood (1980 / trailer — see: R.I.P. Dick Miller Part V) and Karate Cop (1991 / trailer), but then Roberts got hired to direct a little (and short) "movie" entitled Desert Warriors, which went on to scandal and infamy as the anti-Islamic Innocence of Muslims (2012 / "trailer"). In regard to what is now perhaps his most famous project, according to New York magazine, some people on the set later claimed that "[Roberts] was a directorial hack, he didn't know basic things" and that "It was very unprofessional."

Trailer to

Panorama Blue:

TCM has a short description of the movie: "70mm film is utilized in this 'blue' movie. It begins with a sepia-toned history of onscreen pornography ['featuring such titles as Sailor Beware and The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman'*], then switches to full color and a panoramic view of a couple having sex on top of a mountain. This is followed by humorous sexual situations, including people having sex on a rollercoaster, a Hollywood orgy accompanied by a string quartet, the fantasies of a centerfold model, and various sight gags."

* Two titles we couldn't locate anywhere online, at least not as historical porn loops. That said, Jamie Gillis (20 Apr 1943 – 19 Feb 2010) did once do a loop with Helen Madigan entitled The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman, probably from around the time of this movie.

Uschi Digard is one of the many bodies at the Hollywood orgy (see below). At least on one poster — see directly above — has Uschi listed, directly behind: John Holmes, Rene Bond, Rick Cassidy,* and Sandy Dempsey.

Over at All Movie, Fred Beldin did not like the film: "Unfunny, barely erotic, and occasionally tedious, the ill-advised Panorama Blue delivers nothing beyond its promise to use a particular type of lens and camera. While the 70 mm cinematography adds a sheen of respectability to the sub-Benny Hill style farce on display, it can't disguise the fact that the jokes are obvious and the production is cheap. No one seems to have put any thought into Panorama Blue beyond its basic concept, as each segment beats one central joke or idea well beyond any usefulness. The film's absolute low point is a sequence where the cameraman simply strolls through an adult bookstore and holds up centerfolds from bondage magazines. Though staffed with some of the busiest porn stars of the time, the film shies away from hardcore sex footage, meaning that fans of John Holmes see a lot less of him than they were probably hoping for. There's plenty of full frontal nudity and simulated relations in Panorama Blue, though the lame gags and boring offhandedness makes it unlikely to excite anyone on any level."

Over at the Gay Erotic Video Index, they bitch "This is a straight film. No gay scene, though [Jim] Cassidy* (as Rick Cassidy*) does star in it. From Harold Fairbanks' review in The Advocate: 'Panorama Blue is a heterosexually oriented spoof of Cinerama extravaganzas of the 1950s… For gays, there are plenty of beautiful male faces and bodies, but no more than to be found in any general audience film… Except for one brief glimpse near the finale, no male frontal exposure is in evidence… The brief glimpse of meat is that belonging to Rick Cassidy, and is there anyone still alive who has not already seen it?'"

* For those who don't know, the muscular porn star Rick Cassidy (born Richard Edward Ciezniak, Jr. [22 July 1943 – 23 Dec 2013]) was one of the few and first porn stars to be a success in both gay and straight porn. In the former, he was "Jim Cassidy", and in the latter "Rick Cassidy". He retired soon after making New Wav Hookers (1985), some claim in response to the scandal caused by the revelation that his sperm receptacle of the movie, Traci Lords, was underage and therefore illegal to screw; others claim he got frightened off porn by the rise of AIDS. That's him below.

One of his more interesting movies of yesteryear is the gay, NSFW documentary from 1970 entitled…

It's A Gay World / Mondo Rocco –

Full NSFW movie:

Truck Stop Women
(1974, dir. Mark L. Lester)

A.k.a. Road Angels. An early exploiter from director Mark L. Lester, an erratic filmmaker at best, but also one who has stayed true to his low culture, exploitation roots. At least up until the turn of the century, his movies still revealed a respect for the kind of films he specializes in — as of recent, however, his movies have begun to show the condescension and disinterest of, say, Daddy and Son Olan Ray or David DeCoteau movies. But this gun-heavy, T&A redneck tragedy is one of his best…

Trailer to

Truck Stop Women:

Lester co-scripted Truck Stop Woman with Paul Deason, who's since become successful producer and assistant director — he was a producer (of many), for example, on two of our favorite films: the underappreciated and highly campy Congo (1995 / trailer) and Mars Attacks! (1996 / trailer).

Klaus Dill (6 Oct 1922 – 19 Feb 2000) did the artwork for the German poster below; Uschi plays one of the "truck stop girls" — she's a by-the-hour business lady, in other words.

At All Movie, Paul Brenner has the plot: "Mark L. Lester directed this exploitation feature that treats sex, violence, and sensationalism with love and affection. The story concerns a bloody turf battle between Smith (John Martino of The Corpse Grinders Part III [2012 / trailer]), a mob hit man, and independent gun moll Anna (Lieux Dressler of Grave of the Vampire [1972 / trailer]) over Anna's prostitution and theft operation, originating out of a highway truck stop. Helping Anna to fight for her right to promote thievery and debauchery is her well-endowed daughter Rose (Claudia Jennings). As the plot and plenty of flesh is revealed, Rose is coaxed to Smith's side of the field with the incitement of some long green, while the body count on both sides continues to rise."

Ms. Jennings, as we have mentioned before here on a wasted life, was born Mary Eileen Chesterton (in Saint Paul, Minnesota on 20 Dec 1949) and died in a car accident in Malibu on 3 October 1979. She was Playboy magazine's Playmate of the Month for November 1969 and Playmate of the Year for 1970.

Attack from Planet B points out that "by the time Claudia [Jennings] appeared in Truck Stop Women, she was the undisputed 'Queen of the Bs' and the Drive-In Diva. […] This film was typical of the drive-in features Claudia appeared in the early 1970s, with one notable exception. Although Truck Stop Women demonstrated what audiences would identify as the quintessential Claudia Jennings character, this was no working class, feminist hero [like] Karen Walker from Unholy Rollers (1972 / trailer) or the noble, avenging savage Desiree from Gator Bait (1974 / trailer). In this film, Claudia commits about every original sin and violates a few new ones. She could easily be considered one of the screen's best villains — a living nightmare, having no feelings for fellow human beings, and perhaps the sexiest sociopath of all time. Claudia's character Rose is a true sadist and a classic manipulator of Machiavellian proportions. […] All, in all, Truck Stop Women is a well-crafted gem of exploitation. The actions flows well, the holes in the plot are small and the acting far above most efforts of the same genre. The only factoid left to make it better? Former United States Senator Phil Gramm, a very conservative man from Texas, donated at least $15,000 to the film's budget."

Ha Ha It's Burl might add, "Ha ha, Truck Stop Women is part of a great microgenre I call 'Cracker Shakespeare'! That refers to a movie with a deliberately down-market setting, a tawdry tone and a rough-hewn cast of characters which nevertheless trades in just the sorts of themes (family, loyalty, betrayal) and narrative progressions (everybody betrays everybody and then most of them die) which were the stock in trade of that famed playwright of yore, at least in his more over-baked tragedies! Lots of Russ Meyer movies fit into this category, and plenty of Roger Corman productions, too, and so, you can bet, does Truck Stop Women!"

In general, Truck Stop Women seems to enjoy the praise of almost everyone who has seen it, but to offer the viewpoint of one person who was not impressed, let's go to the Video Vacuum, which bemoans that "Truck Stop Women is a mostly dull melodrama parading as a drive-in exploitation picture. Most of the movie revolves around the dysfunctional relationship between Dressler and Jennings, and very little time is spent on the sleaze the audience came for. Sure, there's a smattering of nudity here and there, but not nearly as much as you'd expect from a movie called Truck Stop Women. And the unexpectedly downbeat ending just does not work at all. The thing that really stops the movie on a dime though is the annoyingly shrill performance by Dressler. Every time she opens her damn mouth, it's like nails on a chalkboard. Luckily, Jennings is around to get naked every so often, which is about the only redeeming feature of the entire film. Uschi Digart also pops up (or should I say, pops out) in a bit part, too, so that helps."

More Uschi found at Part VIII: 1975.

Thursday, September 19, 2019

Babes of Yesteryear: Uschi Digard, Part VII: 1973-74

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