This short, a student project from Yale, of all places, is seriously disquieting on too many levels. Not funny; upsetting — a seriously effective
(if not affective) short horror that deserves a wider audience than its
obscurity gives it. Hell, for once, we couldn't even enjoy that the lead guy, Robert
(Brian Young), had a hot bod. For that, we wouldn't
even say that we enjoyed the movie. But we couldn't stop watching, and probably
neither can you.
Back in 2010, when the film debuted, Young rather ingeniously
told Yale News,
"[Love of the Dead] is a
complex film, very different from the regular horror genre. It's a romance and
a zombie film at the same time. You don't really see that in this genre very
often — nor a zombie girlfriend for that matter." Complex, the film is; a romance,
it is not. In fact, the guy is far more an unhinged sexual predator than a romantic.
And now that we have watched it till the end, we need a shower. "Enjoy".
(Spoilers.) Back in
the 1970s, when the comic companies realized that it might be a good idea to
create a few Afro-American heroes, Marv Wolfman and Gene Colon (1 Sept
1926 – 23 June 2011) created the supporting character of Blade, the Vampire Killer, for the
then-popular Marvel comic book The Tomb of Dracula.(His debut was
in issue #10, July 1973, a year and a month after the first Afro-American
superhero to have his own comic book, Luke Cage, debuted in Luke
Cage, Hero for Hire).
The Tomb of Dracula,ostentatiously
a comic about the great Count doing evil in the world of today, was actually almost
as much about the numerous people out to make the Count a shish kebab as it was
about him and his nefarious activities. Blade was the first of the comic's
characters that fit more into the mold of "superhero" in that he was
more than just a Joe Schmoe human. (Possibly thinking that it would be a good
move to go even more into the superhero direction, Colan & Wolfman later introduced
a real superhero, the Count's very own son, Janus, and the comic folded soon
thereafter – or at least, we stopped buying it back then; maybe it lasted
longer. We were never really a fan of Gene Colan's art,* and the Count's son
broke the series for us.)
*About the only
artist we liked less than Colan was Afredo
Alcala, and even as a we child we knew that Kamandi
was doomed to being cancelled when he was given the art chores for publication.
Blade's powers and
motivation lay in his origin, which director Stephen Norrington &
scriptwriter David S. Goyer present in the pre-credit sequence of his movie:
Blade's mother is bitten just prior to his birth, he survives due to caesarian
section. (Wonder who his wet nurse was.) As a half-human and half-vampire, he
is forever driven by a thirst for... Revenge (and forever fighting his
"bloodlust," of course). His main power was that he could throw a mean wooden knife and had to walk at night. For the movie, needless, to say, his powers (and bloodlust) have been amped considerably. Despite, or pehaps thanks to, such changes, in terms of comic book movie adaptations,
Norrington & Goyer's Blade is up
there amongst the best ones made prior to Marvel hitting stride with its
contemporary Marvel Universe series.When released, Blade was a noticeably successful updating, if not improvement, of
the original character, not least because the filmmakers, not bound by the castrating
ball and chain of the Comic Code, wisely went for an R-rating. The movie was also, arguably, the first Marvel film that really didn't look cheap shit.
Dumping the gothic
overtone of most vampire flicks, Norrington and scriptwriter David S. Goyer
cobbled together a fun, gutsy hormone-driven revenge flick that is equal parts Terminator (1984 / trailer)
— or any other film in which the main character keeps coming and coming and
coming — and monster film, heavy on computer-generated effects (only slightly
more successful but much, much more excessive than those found in Anaconda[1997 / trailer]).
Far more an action movie than horror flick, the filmmakers also updated Blade's
costume, dumping his old, brown coat and green combat jeans in favor of modern,
black, bullet-proof S&M gear, and give him almost superhuman powers (in the
comics, as mentioned, he basically threw well-aimed wooden daggers). Respectful to the
tradition of Blaxploitation, the movie also owes equal debt to Hong Kong
martial arts & bullet ballets. True, none of the fight ballets in Blade ever reach the excessive grace of
such films as Peking Opera Blues (1986
/ trailer),
Black Mask (1996 / trailer),
The Killer (1989 / trailer),
or any number of other unrelated, top-notch Hong Kong fodder, but they do
reveal a better understanding of the genre than most other US-made homages up
to that point in time.
Goyer, who also
scripted the excellent science fiction film noir Dark City
(1996 / trailer),
updates the entire concept of vampires, making them less seductive and gothic,
converting them into morally corrupt pleasure seekers, super violent egoists
that are less erotic than carnal. (OK, this doesn't sound new in this post-True Blood [2008-14] world, but it was sort
of new once upon a time.) As in the unbearable turkey Vampirella(1996 / trailer),
vampires are everywhere, the older generation as much bloodsuckers as
international businessmen, Republicans, World Trade Organization members and,
one could image, members of Trump's White House team. (In their society, there
is a definite prejudice between the ancients, who were born vampires, and the
new generation, who were bitten and converted. The former seem to prefer their
food in clean bags of donated blood, the latter gushing fresh from a neck.)
Unlike Vampirella, in which the bad guy is out
to create eternal darkness, in Blade
the bad guy is out to release the forces of the vampire god La Magra and
convert the entire human population into vampires — rather an idiotic idea, if
one considers that that would mean the end of the vampire's food source. As it
is, the sheer number of vampires in Blade
would require such a large food supply that it would be impossible for them and
their actions to remain unnoticed — unless, of course, one goes for the
conspiracy theory that they control the real power of the world (as Blade
briefly insinuates at one point when he says that the police "belong"
to them). In any event, since Blade
is neither a message film nor badly made, such minor narrative flaws are easy
to overlook if one stays for the whole ride.
After the opening
credits, the ride begins with Racquel (Nora Louise Kuzma, better known as Traci
Lords, she of legendary floppies that once bounced with Harry Reems,
among many) leading some innocent dude out to party hardy to a booming techno club
located in the backrooms of a slaughter house. His good times go bad when the
sprinkler system begins spurting blood and all the dancers around him reveal
themselves as vampires, but Blade arrives and slaughters everyone and thus
inadvertently saves the guy's party. Great scene.
The burnt remains of
the vampire Quinn (Donal Logue of Silent
Night [2012 / trailer]
and The Grave [1996 / trailer])
get taken to a hospital, where he regenerates and bites Dr. Karen Jensen
(N'Bushe Wright of Dead Presidents
[1995 / trailer]
and Civil Brand [2002 / trailer])
before Blade shows up again. Quinn escapes when the police appear spitting
bullets, while Blade splits with Karen in tow. Back at his base, we meet
Blade's mentor Abraham Whistler (Kris Kristofferson of For Sale By Owner [1982 / trailer],
Payback [1999 / trailer]
and The Sailor Who Fell From the Grace with
the Sea [1976 / trailer]),
a graying, long-haired vampire hunter and all-purpose handyman. The vampire
situation of the world is revealed to Karen and from there on Blade is basically one enjoyably
excessive series of violence and blood, complete with exploding heads, staked
vamps disintegrating everywhere, and deep-fried Jaba the Hut vampire
librarians. Karen tags along the way as the strong-willed, female sidekick who
is as brave as her balls are big. Whistler dies (at least until the sequel), as
do many others, but in the end all's well that ends well and all the bad guys
get hacked and staked or sprayed to death (exploding every time).
Strangely enough,
though, even during the huge explosion during the big finale, blood always
seems to fly everywhere but onto Blade himself. The last scene of Blade in Russia is disappointing, far
inferior to the more jokey "alternative ending" not used but to be
seen as an outtake on the DVD.
The casting and
acting in Blade are top notch all
along the way. Snipes is well cast as Blade, and though not as charismatic as
he was in New Jack City (1991 /
trailer)
he does show as much muscle as he did during his hilarious turn as a bad guy in
the enjoyable and under-appreciated Demolition
Man (1993 / trailer)
and tosses his one liners just as smoothly. N'Bushe Wright is excellent as
Karen, one fine-looking hot momma, unbeatable and brave in the best Pam Grier
tradition, even if she does keep her clothes on all the time (though she does
seem to mysteriously lose her bra halfway through the film). Stephan Dorff (ofBotched
[2007 / trailer]
and Alone in the Dark [2005 /
trailer])
plays bad guy Frost as if he were one dangerous, spoiled, and perpetually
pissed-off youngster, much the same character he usually plays, only a little
more psychotic and blood thirsty. (Actually, every "young" vampire in
Blade is played as a dangerous, spoiled,
perpetually pissed-off, psychotic, and blood-thirsty youngster — could this be
a subtext here?) Kris Kristofferson doesn't look at all as if he went on the
wagon in 1976 or like he ever had a facelift, but his age and the wear and tear
of his face serve his characterization of Whistler well. Udo Kier, the
big-business leader of the vamps, is as prissy as normal but explodes
convincingly, while the entire 5 minutes she is on screen Nora Louise Kuzma doesn't
flop about her notable areolas but does exude the carnal bitchiness she has
patented ever since Cry-Baby (1995 /
trailer).
All in all, Blade is a fun film that doesn't
pretend to be anything it isn't, and delivers everything it promises and even a
tad more. About the only thing the film lacks are bare breasts, but then it
never promised to have any. And does well without them.
Some years ago, in 2009, we
watched another of Mick Garris's Stephen King adaptations, the miscarriage
entitled Sleepwalkers
(1992 / trailer),
and were moved to scream, among other things, "Director Mick Garris has
since made a career out of making bad Stephan King television mini-series,
including The Stand (1994 / trailer)
and The Shining (1997 / trailer),
which is a good reason to shoot him. Until that happens, however, one is
advised to avoid this embarrassing piece of shit."
Nowadays, older, wiser, mellower, were we to write that review today it
is doubtful that we would be so Gamergate
evil in our screed against the director; and perhaps we would even now
appreciate Sleepwalkers for what it
truly is — a bad film — but we feel little desire to do the necessary re-watch
of Sleepwalkers to find out if the latter
is true. (So many other bad films out there to see, and so little time.)
Riding the Bullet is of a slightly different caliber than Sleepwalker. In the end, it is also a
failure, but at least it is an intriguing failure, and is much more a failure
of note than simply a bad movie. But then, perhaps its source material —
Stephan King's novella of the same name — is simply unfilmable.* In any event,
if the novella is anything like the movie, then it is very much a message book
— decipher it yourself: "Nothing seems to last. But the bullet. The bullet
is constant. The bullet is always there. You wait in line, that's all. And when
it's your turn to ride the bullet, maybe you ride, maybe you run. Either way it
comes to the same thing. Fun is fun. And done is done. Nobody lives forever,
but we all shine on."**
*We
admit to never having read the book. We no longer read King novels. We admit
trying to, again, last year, Rose Madder,
but while we did make it through the book we decided we like badly made, crappy
movies more than well-written, bad books. Life is too short for the latter. Fun
is fun. And done is done.
**We admit to believing more in the direction of all we are is dust in the wind.
Riding the Bullet is a film one wants to like, but can't in the end.
Well-shot and well-paced, its most interesting feature — the narrative flip-flopping between reality and the imagined — also causes it to fail.
The
credit sequence, while not the most interesting feature, is great: true, the
idea of homemovies to provide needed past knowledge might not be new, but it
generally works, as it does here, and supplies a wonderfully encapsulated
presentation of the past that has made the main character who he is, while also
revealing the personality of his mother (the always excellent Barbara Hershey). Also, elsewhere in the movie Mick Garris
uses an occasional flourish of the camera that is surprisingly eye-catching and
creative — our favorite being the traveling camera that flows over one open
coffin and gravestone after the other before getting to the money shot. We also
found the opening yawn hilarious: it truly catches just how dull nudity
normally is in art school drawing classes. (Anyone recognize the teacher as the
doomed, loving Dad in Zack Snyder's excellent remake, Dawn of the Dead [2004 / trailer]?)
Set in 1969, the basic plot of Riding the Bullet revolves around a
somewhat whiny art student with an extremely active fantasy named Alan Parker
(an oddly unlikable Jonathan Jackson of Venom
[2005 / trailer])
hitchhiking his way home on Halloween night to see his mother, who's in the
hospital from a heart attack. The baggage he has on his shoulders, other than a
small backpack, is that his girlfriend Jessica (of The Tortured [2010 / trailer])
has broken up with him and that he has a recent, failed suicide attempt behind
him. (A great scene involving a visit from Death, whose look is modeled after The Seventh Seal [1957 / trailer]
but with acne, and some extra goading by female wall murals. The latter could
be probably be interpreted on a Freudian level, considering Alan's attitude
towards the women in his life.)
It is Alan's active imagination
that drives most of the movie. Initially introduced in a quick scene in which
Alan berates Alan, Alan's visions soon become extremely corporal and long. Usually
one can quickly catch on that a transpiring scene is a fantasy, but sometimes
the fantasy segues into reality while, elsewhere, the viewer doesn't know what
is real and what is imagined until well after the given scene has transpired. This,
combined with the various (we assume) real "adventures" he has along the
way — a ride with an incontinent and half-demented farmer (Cliff
Robertson of The 13th
Child [2002 / trailer]
and Dominique [1979 / trailer]),
a car accident in a VW bus driven by a pseudo-hippy, a possibly rabid dog,
other people's car accidents, and kill-happy rednecks among other things —
results in a disquieting road trip of hellish proportions.
And therein lies the problem with
the movie. By the time Alan hooks up the ghost-driver George Straub (David
Arquette of Wes Craven's
Scream [1996 / trailer]
+ ad nauseam, Bone Tomahawk(2015 / trailer), Eight-Legged
Freaks (2002 / trailer), Ravenous
(1999 / trailer), Grey
Night / Ghost Brigade (1993 / trailer) and President
Evil [2006 / trailer]), he has experienced so much horror that his whole
ride with George, including the titular riding-The-Bullet interlude, is rather
anticlimactic and ineffective. The jokey film-in-a-film explanation of George's
death is actually far more suspenseful and blackly funny than any of the
interaction between George and Alan.
Likewise,
the subsequent stuff at the hospital after Alan has made his unlucky choice,
has its stabs of effective black humor (again due to Alan's active
imagination), but is neither very scary nor particularly heart-rendering. Worse,
the whole epilogue bit in which Alan goes on to become a Mamma's Boy times ten,
is as gag-worthy as it is unrealistic. (Like, why would Ghostly George, an
obvious asshole, suddenly be a nice guy and give the two a few more years
together?) By its structure — it is used to hammer the movie's core theme over
the viewer's head — the epilogue sequence seems probably to have been taken
from the source novel, for it strongly echoes Stephan King's inability to know
when to end his tale.
So
there you have it. The first two-thirds of Riding
the Bullet maintains a certain level of unease and originality due to its
intermingling of fantasy and reality and occasional visual flare, but in the
minute the movie reaches its titular highlight it quickly loses its steam and
peters out into toothlessness.
A seminal force in the world of trash
filmmaking, he is considered the inventor of the modern gore film. (In theory,
a position he holds with David F. Friedman,
but when the partnership ended Friedman's true interest proved to be
sexploitation.) To use his own, favorite words: "I've often compared Blood
Feast (1963) to a Walt Whitman poem; it's no good, but it was the first of its
kind." And a truly fun gore film, too — which makes it "good" in
our view.
Unlike Blood Feast and his "better
movies", many of the projects he worked on are unbearable cinematic
experiences; but more than enough of the others are sublime, otherworldly, like
the best of Ed Wood, Juan Piquer Simón
or John Waters. Were it not for innovators like him, A Wasted Life probably
wouldn't be.
One of the truly great has left the
building.
The films below are not necessarily
presented in the order they were made and/or released.
OK, numerous sites list HG Lewis as an
"actor" in this super-obscure, low budget gore flick from Ohio
filmmaker Jim Roberts who, according to Hellnotes,
was (at the time of Nov 15, 2011) "an Electronic Media Production major at
Kent State University". But nowhere online does Lewis make reference to
this project, nor does he appear in the two trailers we found — but what the
fuck, for the benefit of the doubt we'll list it here and supply the only plot
description we found, and the only one used anywhere online.
Trailer 1:
Way back in 2013, Independent Flicks
said, "[...] The sun rose on the campsite, shedding light on the hellish
carnage. A young woman's lifeless body was slumped against a tree, slashed
open. Her husband lies nearby, in a mutilated heap. The fire flickers,
revealing the charred remains of their unborn child. Who would commit such an
atrocity? The police are clueless, but someone knows the truth. Fueled by a
savage lust for revenge and a brutal appetite for death, they set out to find
the killer in a blood-drenched quest for retribution. [...] The acting is so
and so, but Tonight You Die makes up with it by its fast and furious pacing,
good camerawork and editing, a nice soundtrack and unrelenting violence. Oh
boy, this is one violent little flick and most of the stuff is of the realistic
nature, gun shots, stabbing, being beaten to a pulp and much
much more.This is gloriously gory, some stuff does happen off-screen but
there's a lot happening onscreen. The makeup fx ranges from decent to very
good. There's no T and A in this.
[...] It's a very entertaining, violent and bloody ride with a few twists thrown
in for good measure. Highly recommended but it might be hard to locate a copy
as it hasn't gotten widespread distribution yet."
Trailer 2:
Odd that he ("Daydreamer" from
Sweden) doesn't make reference to an appearance of the great HGL.
Death by VHS
(2013, dirs. David Sabal, Jacob D. O'Neal,
and Scarlet Fry [aka Walter Ruether])
Another regional no-budget movie involving the
Arizonian Scarlet Fry [aka Walter Ruether]), he who brought you Nightmare Alley
(2010; see Part VIII),
and friends. Originally entitled Scream Machine, it was renamed Death by VHS when
released, not in any way trying to ride on the success of the better-known
anthology movie V/H/S (2012 / trailer),
which was quickly followed by S-VHS aka V/H/S 2 (2013 / trailer).
HGL — and John Waters, actually — are among the many names given "Special
Thanks" in the credits.
Horror News, which says the movie is "extremely bad from front to back",
has the basic plot of the 5-story anthology movie, which reads as if taken from
a press release: "A battered and mysterious VCR… A bevy of lethal videotapes…
These are the building blocks of horror in Death by VHS. A mind-blowing descent
into madness and death. Five shocking vignettes, designed to take your sanity
and devour your soul! Mild curiosity leads to severe consequences when a couple
rents a supposedly cursed video cassette recorder. An urban legend renowned for
leaving a trail of agonizing and torturous death. Unbelieving, they take the
plunge… And another legend is horrifyingly born… Do you dare give fate a
winning hand, and test yourself against the hellish consequences of the VHS
machine? Insert Cassette Press Play…DIE!"
(Re)search My Trash
— which says the movie is "Good fun, really!" — has the plots to the
individual segments: "Suburban She Freak: Mary's (Courtney Morgan) face is
weirdly disfigured, so she has ordered a beauty potion — that unfortunately
turns her into a vampire ... Kim: In a world overrun by zombies, a radio
announcer details his experiences of becoming a zombie ... Christmas Krampus:
Mom (Tara Carlton) and dad (Rosasio LaMontagne) want to give their son (Jared
Leve Squee) away for adoption because he's retarded — but he's got a friend:
Evil Santa (Tony Sabal)! Regenerate: Paralyzed Ginny (Ali de Morgoli) suffers
from constant verbal and physical abuse by her husband Paul (Walter Ruether),
so much so that her best friend Stacy (Katie MacDowell) gives her some untested
medication to improve her situation. Before the medication takes effect though,
Paul kills Ginny. But the medication does kick in after death and ... Lepus: A
man in an Easter bunny costume (Brian Everet Smith) terrorizes the city — so
the Sheriff (Tyler Gallant) dresses up as Jesus (and might be Him even) to
fight him ..."
Trailer to
Death by VHS:
Slink
(2013, dir. Jared Masters)
HGL gets a "grateful
acknowledgment" — amidst a list of illustrious names featuring the best of
classic low culture. Including Harry H. Novak, which is why we looked at this
flick in Part XV of his R.I.P. career review, where we pretty much wrote: "Aka Virgin Leathers. Jared Masters,
the founder of Frolic Pictures,
is a 'self-taught Beethoven' who 'was expelled his freshman year of high school
for streaking' and now makes independent sleaze horror flicks. That he might
give 'Grateful Acknowledgement' to Herschell Gordon Lewis in the credits of one
of his numerous flicks is hardly surprising, as Lewis's movies are surely a
stylistic and contentual influence of this Young Turk. [...] The plot, as taken
from the Frolic Films website: 'After the unexplained death of their Uncle
Arlo, Kayla Nunez (Danika Galindo) and her sister (Jacqueline Larsen) venture to
his home in the rural town of Wickenhaven. They plan to claim their share of
his estate, but their trip takes a drastic turn after discovering that their
uncle's house is occupied by a mysterious relative, Aunt May (Julia Faye West),
who may be harboring deadly secrets. Complicating matters is the deranged,
lust-filled tanning salon owner, Dale (Art Roberts), and his exotic wife, Joan
(Dawna Lee Heising), whose business in designer handbags is the backbone to the
entire town's economy, and possibly the darkest fashion controversy the world
will ever know.'
Trailer to
Slink:
Slink stars younger gals who look like
wanna-be porn starlets, older gals who look like former porn starlets and/or
plastic surgery addicts (in this regard, 'Joan', photo below, stands out in
particular) and a variety of ugly men. The acting of Slink is postmodern bad,
the sets cheap and the tale over the top — just our cup of tea, in other words.
But not that of Culture Crypt,
which hates the flick, saying: 'Unquestionably, the single greatest drawback to
reviewing low budget independent horror movies is that the job requires sitting
through the entirety of something like Slink. [...] Gather up some friends and
family with nothing better to do and use them to populate a cast and crew, no
experience required. That is the starting point for Slink. From there, the
filmmaking philosophy is simply to set each scene in a corner of a room
haphazardly dressed to resemble something else and let the camera roll on
whatever happens. [...] Any way it is sliced, Slink is a mess on all fronts.
Performances are painfully embarrassing for everyone involved. Sets look like
they were constructed for a high-school stage play. The music is out of place
and thoroughly obnoxious. And the ending is one of the worst ever seen. [...]'
"The only complaint at Ain't It Cool News, however, is that the movie ends 'as if the camera ran out of film'. They go
on to rave that '[...] though this one feels like it might have been done on
the cheap, the idea behind it is strong and for the most part, Slink, though
somewhat predictable, plays out pretty masterfully. [...] Basically this is one
of those Motel Hell
(1980 / trailer)
type films where a down-home business makes its business off of the flesh of
young women, but instead of Farmer Vincent's fritters, the youthful flesh is
made into fashionable handbags, the likes of which Paris, Brittany, and
Christina tote to the fashionable affairs [...]. Slink is a pretty tight little
thriller with some nice twists along the way in terms of script. The film goes
to some dark places [...]. I have to give the film credit for having a very
corroded moral core and going to those dank places most horror films are afraid
to go. The effects are pretty great and the directing itself does a really good
job of maintaining its black tone throughout. [...] Though the evil tanning
salon wenches are overly botoxed and siliconed, it fits the tone of the
lifestyle the film is lampooning. This is a film about looks over everything
else; a comment on the shallow lifestyle we live in, so the gratuitous nudity
and NIP/TUCK (2003-10 / trailer)
wet dream actresses serve more of a purpose than just window dressing.'
That's Sexploitation!
(2013, writ & dir Frank Henenlotter) Trailer to
That's Sexploitation!:
Three years earlier, in 2010, Henenlotter
made his first documentary, Herschell Gordon Lewis: The Godfather of Gore (see Part VIII). His follow-up documentary for Something Weird was
this one, featuring HGL's former partner, "legendary schlockmeister David F. Friedman
in his final movie appearance", as host of a comprehensive historical
review of sexploitation.
How innocent it sometimes was —
Why Girls Walk Home (1929):
As DVD Drive-In
explains it, "[...] Having obtained over five hours of interview material
from a frail, ailing Friedman at his Alabama home in 2011 (it was the last time
either Henenlotter or Vraney saw Friedman alive; the producer died just months
later), Henenlotter set out to make a doc chronicling the seven-decade
evolution and death of the American sexploitation movie, with Friedman's
interview as the glue holding together selected cuts from Vraney's vast
collection of stag reels, peep show loops, nudie cuties, roughies, sex hygiene
movies, burlesque shorts, and white coaters. It took Henenlotter two years to
choose material and edit it down for the 136 minute-long That's Sexploitation! (unfortunately,
Vraney died unexpectedly before the doc was completed), where it received good
notices on the festival and art house circuits in 2013."
The DVD includes three and a half hours of
short from the Something Weird vaults.
Something Weird's
First Video Opener:
Creative Loafing,
which calls the obvious labor of love a "highly informative documentary",
goes on to explain that "Henenlotter examines the phenomenon of nudies,
stag films, burlesque shorts, sex-hygiene pictures and other sordid and
sensationalized types of lusty cinema that existed well outside the Hollywood
mainstream. Ample clips are shown (including some from such notorious works as Mom
and Dad [1945 / full movie],
Marihuana [1936 / full movie
/ trailer] and The Immoral Mr. Teas [1959 / full movie]),
and fascinating facts fly fast and furious. For instance, many of the theaters
playing these controversial films offered separate showtimes for men and women;
nickelodeons showing nudie reels were often tucked away in the back of
otherwise reputable, all-ages arcades; and (according to Friedman) nudist films
were popular in Germany during the 1930s since Hitler wanted to show off the
supposedly superior physiques of his beloved Aryans. The early clips are often
amusing (apparently, smoking pot can lead to such ghastly dangers as passionate
kissing), while many from the drug-addled 60s prove to be experimental and
bizarre in both form and content."
Something Weird Video's
World-Famous Opener:
Terror Toons 3
(2015, dir. Joe Castro)
We were gonna start this with some obscure
joke about how the only difference between Texas and the Chechen Republic is
that when Texas gays disappear they go to California, but we'll sort of skip
that and get straight to the movie, directed by Texas-born director Joe Castro (that's him below, the one without the wig), who
co-wrote the script with his significant other, Steven J. Escobar.
Trailer to
Terror Toons 3:
Cultspeak,
an interesting website that none of our computers like (it freezes on all four,
or on XP, Windows 7 & 8), describes Joes Castro as "an independent
filmmaker/special effects artist who has been working in the industry for over
20 years. His credits includes special effects work on films such as Night of
the Demons 3 (1997 / trailer),
William Lustig's Uncle Sam
(1996 / trailer)
and Herschell Gordon Lewis' Blood Feast 2
(2002) [Not to mention L.A. Zombie (2010 / trailer),
a movie high on our "To See" list.]. […] Terror Toons 3 […] the third
installment in filmmaker Joe Castro's madcap gory trilogy. The first film in
the series, Terror Toons (2002 / trailer),
took the violent nature of classic Warner Bros. cartoons to their natural gory
conclusion. The second, Terror Toons 2 (2007 / trailer),
drew a lot of its inspiration from fairy tales. This latest installment
combines both. The film begins with a segment picking up where Terror Toons
left off, seeing the resurrection of murderous cartoon villains Dr. Carnage and
Max Assassin. It then segues into an interconnected series of updated fairy
tales narrated by none other than the Godfather of Gore himself, Herschell
Gordon Lewis!"
In the interview found at Cultspeak, Castro
talks about how he worked on Lewis's Blood Feast 2: "I think within 10
minutes after arriving on set after getting in from the airport, Herschell and
I just hit it off. Somebody was supposed to be stuck with a knife and it was
supposed to be protruding out of the skull. I said, 'How big of a knife
sticking out of her?' He said, 'Well, what do we have?' I turned to him and
said, 'Whatever you envision, that's what we have.' He then knew immediately
that we were going to work well together."
And, indeed, Lewis spoke about his
involvement in Terror Toons 3 over atRue Morgue, saying: "This is the ancient joke—when Joe Castro says 'Jump', my answer
is 'How far?' I love this guy, I love his talent. He's one of the most
underappreciated people in the splatter film world, and I'm very, very
delighted to be involved in this thing with him. We worked out a situation in
which he felt, and I do too, that my position in it would not be that negative
of a factor [Laughs]. So, who can say no to that?"
Worldwide Celluloid Massacre
rates the flick — as it does Parts 1 & 2 — "Of Some Interest",
saying: "Castro pushes the pedal to the metal for this sequel, going as
extremely over-the-top as possible into complete toon-mayhem as the evil toon
dimension takes over this world. […] The effects are a combination of mostly
very cheap digital effects, some practical effects, animation, puppets and
insanity. Everything is distorted and their shape and size keep changing like
in a cartoon, nothing obeys the laws of physics, everyone turns into mutated
human-toon-monster hybrids, their bodies exploding and distorting in extreme
splattery effects […], and all of this with a gleefully violent toon giggling
humor. There is not much plot, and it is more about the various insane segments
of splattery mayhem, anything-goes fantasy, and random violence, and,
obviously, actors act over-the-top while the scenery chews them. Once again,
terrible and entertaining at the same time."
As for "Violent Toons",
We're fans of Happy Tree Friends:
Ballet of Blood
(2015, writ & dir Jared Masters)
Jared Masters, the 'self-taught Beethoven'
behind Slink aka Virgin Leathers — see further above — offers another poorly
received movie, the credits of which are awash with "In Memory Of's"
and "Special Thanks" — the man simply knows and appreciates his
influences. Ballet of Blood sounds like the Columbine Massacre by way of Suspiria
(1977 / trailer),
while the trailer has an oddly Jean Rollins appeal, but we admit that we haven't
seen it — few people have.
(Re)search My Trash,
one of the few who have, has the plot: "The reputation of a prestigious ballet
school is at stake when one of the students, Nisa (Sydney Ray), storms in
wielding a submachine gun and injuring the school's prima ballerina, Sylvie
(Mindy Robinson) and thus pretty much ending her career, and on top of that
making a getaway. But the school's owner Wren (Julia Faye West) and head
teacher Delphine (Laura Amelia) do everything to keep the story under lock and
key, which includes shipping Ria (Jessica Knopf), the girl who provided Nisa
with the gun, away to a mental institution and working the other girls even
harder. But of course, an attempted murder like this doesn't just go away like
this just because you wish it to, as Nisa hides out nearby planning her next
strike, and Ria escapes from the mental institution to reunite with Nisa, and
Nisa sees the now heavily medicated Ria as her perfect tool. Among the students
of the academy, only Maren (Marla Martinez), a wannabe writer, seems to have an
idea what the girls are planning, as she knows what they have been through and
writes a novel about it — but she's considered a nerd by the others, so
basically her warnings fall on death ears ... but of course, the inevitable is
going to happen eventually..."
Trailer to
Ballet of Blood:
Scream Machine
(2015, dir. Scarlet Fry [aka Walter
Ruether])
Another regional no-budget movie involving
the Arizonian Scarlet Fry [aka Walter Ruether]), he who brought you Nightmare
Alley (2010; see Part VIII) and Death by VHS (2013). In fact, Scream Machine
was the originally intended title for Death by VHS, and like Death by VHS, it's
a horror anthology. HGL gets his almost standard-for-a-fry-movie "Special
Thanks" in the credits.
Trailer to
Scream Machine:
Fry divides the few who have ever seen one
his anthology films. Repulsive Reviews
is one of the nay-sayers: "It's obvious that writer/director/producer
Scarlet Fry aka Walter Ruether III is a fan of all things horror and that can
be an admirable trait in a filmmaker. However, his film Scream Machine is less
of a love letter to genre greats and more of an insult."
Canticle Cinema House,
on the other hand, is a yay-sayer: "Scream Machine is a great film that
not only is funny but also disgusting. The plot is out there and while not
original it gives it a unique spin. [...] Overall the acting was on point to make
a rather funny movie. I love the 5 short films that are combined to create one
long film because it allowed a more dynamic range of emotions, hilarity, and
gore to be shown. The one thing I definitely enjoyed was the sound effects and
the music. It added a flair of character to the film. If you get a chance to
see this film do yourself a favor and watch it, you will die from
laughing."
B.C. Butcher
(2016, dir. Kansas Bowling)
HGL's name is found amidst the long list of
those deserving "Special Thanks". Filmed in Topanga,
California, USA, and written by Ms. Bowling and Kenzie Givens, as
far as we can tell B.C. Butcher is also Ms. Bowling's feature film directorial
debut, though she appears to have a load of short-film and music-video credits.
Young filmmakers take note: "At only 17, Kansas directed, co-wrote, and
funded her own feature film, entirely shot on 16mm, called B.C. Butcher." Yep,
she made her first film at the same age most kids lose their virginity* —
impressive. Special guest star: Kato Kaelin, a name no one remembers anymore,
unless you're into celebrity true crime.
* According to TeenVogue,
who list as their source as SuperDrug Online Doctor,
which used "heterosexualvaginal intercourse" as the definition of
virginity loss, the average age of virginity loss for American men is 16.9
years old, and the average age for American women is 17.2 years old.
Trailer to
B.C. Butcher:
Over at Kinky Korner,
after admitting that she "thought he [Kato Kaelin] was a super stud and
used to rub it out to him during my formative teen years", her
hotness Diana Prince (a.k.a. Kasey Poteet aka Kasey Kroft, pictured below) gives the
film an honest but positive review: "What do you get when you mix elements
of a slasher film, punk rock, Kato Kaelin and the stone age? You get B.C. Butcher,
directed by Kansas Bowling [...].
"At its core, B.C. Butcher is a simple slasher
film; A group of cavewoman, led by the boastful Neandra (Leilani Fideler), tie
up, gut and then eat said guts of another cavewoman, all because Neandra
suspects her man Rex (Kato Kaelin) is in
love with the other woman, but it's actually the B.C. Butcher (hence the title)!
Funny thing is, you get the sneaking suspicion that Rex is gay. After that,
it's pretty formulaic, but it's in no way a cookie-cutter clone of some other
film or boring. One by one the girl's fall victim to the monster (Dwayne 'Not the Rock' Johnson) as he disposes of them. The monster himself is just a buff dude in a
mask, which is part of the cheesy, low budget fun, but the biggest shock and
surprise was seeing Kato Kaelin show up in a primitive slasher movie from
Troma. You all remember him from the O.J. Simpson trial, don't you? Holy shit, am
I really that old? [...]"
Filmed in Paris, Miami, and Heidelberg,
nice places one and all. Imagine that! Blood Feast (1963) gets an official —
and serious — remake. Not all that unimaginable, actually, if you consider that
2000 Maniacs (1964) and Wizard of Gore (1970) have also already been remade. But
in this remake, unlike the others, HGL "has a skyped-in cameo as Professor
Lou Herschell".
Trailer to
Blood Feast:
Bloody Disgusting,
like many websites, has what seems to be the press release synopsis: "Fuad
Ramses (Robert Rusler) and his family have moved from the United States to
France, where they run an American diner. Since business is not going too well,
Fuad also works nightshifts in a museum of ancient Egyptian culture. During
these long, lonely nights he becomes allured by goddess Ishtar (Sadie Katz) as
she speaks to him in visions. Eventually he succumbs to her deadly charms.
After this pivotal night, Fuad begins a new life, in which murder and
cannibalism become his daily bread. As butchered bodies are heaped upon the
Altar of Ishtar, Fuad slowly slips further into madness, until he is no more
than the goddess's puppet…"
Regarding Fuad's situation,Severed Cinema
states, "I'd hate to see what kind of murderous visions he would have if
he worked in a store selling dildos, maybe of the Egyptian variety?"
But is the new version any good? Dunno —
but it seems to be dreadfully serious. As The Terror Time
states, "The tone of this remake and the original couldn't be any more
different. [...] The original is a gory, late-night horror party viewing while
this remake is played with dread and seriousness while mixing in commentary
regarding those who struggle with mental illness and financial hardship."
Robert Rusler, by the way, played the
obscure object of desire inNightmare on Elm Street II: Freddy's Revenge
(1985), a film often discussed homosexual "subtext"; what we find odd
is that for all the discussion on its subtext, no one ever brings up that the
subtext is actually extremely anti-gay. (Still, Rusler made a damn fine obscure
object of desire.) As for the Mrs. Ramses of the movie, she's played by Caroline
Williams, who made her first film appearance somewhere (where?) in the rather
entertaining satire Smile (1975 / trailer).
More deserving of note is her lead role in the shamefully underappreciated
satire The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986 / trailer),
a truly funny black comedy. Lastly, the family daughter Louise Ramses is played
by the "London-born Australian pop singer, actress and model" and
former Playboy Playmate Sophie Monk
(34C-24-35), above; she's a rarity among contemporary Playmates in that she is 100%
all natural. She can also be found in two other earlier horror movies, The
Hills Run Red (2009 / trailer)
and Life Blood (2009 / trailer),
the last of which we looked at briefly in our R.I.P. career review of Charles Napier.
"I don't know why anyone would make a
123-minute documentary about [William Grefe],
but I am sure as hell glad someone did. The director of record is Daniel
Griffith, who made a name for himself creating featurettes and small-scale
documentaries as DVD extra features."
HGL is among the talking heads, as are David
F. Friedman, Frank Henenlotter and Fred Olen Ray, and both William Grefe and a
variety of his actors and crew also come to word, including Randy Grinter of Brad F. Grinter's classic
disasterpiece Blood Freak (1972 / trailer),
and American singer and former teen idol Steve Alaimo, who has the dubious
honor of having "had nine singles to chart in the Billboard Hot 100
without once reaching the Top 40 in his career, the most by any artist".
Of the "name" actors that worked with Grefe — i.e., Jeremy Slate (who?),
Alex Rocco (of Return to Horror High
[1987]), Mickey Rooney, Richard Jaeckel (who?), Christopher George, Rita
"Yes, I look like I am and I am suffering from Alzheimer's" Hayworth
(!), and William Shatner — Shatner is the only one that comes to word, possibly
because all the others were dead by the time this documentary was made. In
theory, death should've also kept the forgotten character actor John Davis
Chandler (28 Jan 1935 – 16 Feb 2010, of Mad Dog Coll
[1961] and Moon of the Wolf
[1972], among many films) from participating, but the filmmakers dug up a
usable interview from 2008.
Currently in post production, HGL died
while the movie was still being made. From the Martinsburg,
West Virginia, [independent] director of the mis-titled Milfs vs. Zombies (2015
/ trailer) — which shudda bin titled "Moms vs. Zombies" — take a gander of the
trailer to see what we mean. Or maybe they simply have a different concept of
MILF in West Virginia.
West Virginia. Beautiful state. Drove through a few times. The 9th
smallest state with the second-lowest average household income in the US, WV,
the 7th most "highly religious" state in the United States, has some
pretty good music. As odd as it might sound, WV actually broke away from
Virginia — the state where we was born, which is almost as purty — during the
civil war to join the Union. And Trump carried it, but enough trivia...
HGL supposedly supplied his voice
for something, somewhere in Killer Campout.
Trailer to
Killer Campout:
The plot description found online at places
like Arrow in the Head
says "Two youth counselors bring a group of emotionally troubled teens
deep into the woods for a weekend of solitude and confrontational therapy. The
trip turns deadly when the group is terrorized by a cannibalistic hermit with a
thirst for blood."
Horror Society
says pretty much the same: "Two youth counselors take a group of troubled
teens on a weekend camping trip deep in the forest. The trip turns deadly when
the group cross paths with a cannibalistic Vietnam vet who is thirsty for blood."
(Hmm; we thought "group" takes singular conjunction of the verb in
American English.)
Two other familiar names are supposedly
also active in the movie. John A. Russo, co-creator of the classic Night of theLiving Dead
(1968), is there as "Burt", says the imdb. After Night, by the way,
Russo went on to write and direct The Booby Hatch (1976 / trailer),
Heartstopper (1989 / trailer)
and Santa Claws (1996 / trailer),
among other fun (?) stuff. More obscure is the Baltimorian George M. Stover,
Jr., of Female Trouble (1974 / trailer),
the masterpiece that is Desperate Living (1977), and The Galaxy Invader (1985 /
trailer),
among others. At least in the John Waters' films, he always looked his part.
Now a retired man, he does a lot of independent films — all the power to you,
dude!
All the power to Brad Twigg, too.
Trailer to
John Water's Desperate Living:
Herschell Gordon Lewis' BloodMania
(2016, dir. Herschell Gordon Lewis, Kevin
Littlelight & Melanie Reinboldt)
"It is a perfect combination of
satirical comedy and horror."
Herschell Gordon Lewis
Shot in Calgary, a long way away from
Florida. The project HGL was working on when he died: an anthology movie of
four episodes, two of which were directed by Lewis, and two of which were
directed by Kevin Littlelight & Melanie Reinboldt.
Trailer:
ADDENDUM
Doctor Gore
(1972, dir. J.G. Patterson Jr.)
Aka The Body Shop, filmed as Anitra, going
by a clapboard seen in one shot. When re-released on video in the 1980s, the
movie was given an added introduction by Herschell Gordon Lewis himself. (About
which DVD Drive-In
is driven to say: "An alternate title sequence for Doctor Gore [...]
includes an introduction by Herschell Gordon Lewis touting Patterson as 'The
Master of Gore'. Yeah right. How much did they pay the real Master to say that?")
H.G. Lewis introduces the "lost"
film,
Doctor Gore:
J.G. Patterson Jr. is a now forgotten but
intriguing regional filmmaker / scriptwriter / film producer / occasional actor
/ special effects artist, and as such worked with HGL on four of Lewis's
projects: Moonshine Mountain (1964), The Gruesome Twosome (1967), She-Devils on
Wheels (1968) and How to Make a Doll (1968).
According to Brian Albright's book Regional
Horror Films, 1958-1990: A State-by-State Guide with Interviews, Patterson
Jr.'s full name was Junius Gustavious "Pat" Patterson, Jr., and he
died of cancer in 1975. Elsewhere, we learned that he was the son of Alice
Lumpkin and Junius Gustavas Patterson Sr, and that he was born on 11 January
1930 and died in the town of Salisbury,
Rowan County, NC, on 30 June 1975. He's buried alongside his wife Juanita Shaw
Patterson (1 May 1931 – 30 Sept 2009) at Lawing's Chapel Baptist Church Cemetery
in Maiden,
NC, Catawba County.
Doctor Gore is one of Patterson's only two
films that he (aside from writing, producing and acting in) directed, the other
being The Electric Chair (1976 / trailer),
though he supposedly also did assistant directorial chores on Donn Davison's
obscure (and obviously lost) movie, Obscenity, Obscenity
(1970).
The "music" to Doctor Gore was
supplied by the legendary William Girdler (22 Oct 1947 – 21 Jan 1978). At the William
Girdler website,
they say: "Doctor Gore makes Bill Girdler's cheapest pictures (think Three
on a Meathook [1973 / trailer]
or Asylum of Satan [1972 / trailer])
look like high art. [...] On the surface, Doctor Gore might seem like a campy good
time, what with its 'clear day for stormy night' shots and not-so-special effects
that include tinfoil and duct tape. Let me make it perfectly clear: Doctor Gore
is NOT a campy good time. Unless you're the type who thinks colon cancer
screening is a hoot and a half. [...] To be blunt, this film is pure rot. [...]
Originally titled The Body Shop, [...] The Body Shop is said to have enjoyed a
limited release in North Carolina (where it was filmed) circa 1974. [...] Friends
of Pat remember him fondly as a multi-talented, warm-hearted man who was often
hornswaggled by fast-talking film folks. In his day, he was best known for his
ability to produce highly effective gore effects for very little money or
recognition."
The Movie's Signature C&W Song,
Bill Hicks and the Rainbows'
A Heart Dies
Every Minute:
Balladeer's Blog,
on the other hand, seems to appreciate the movie a bit more, claiming that Doctor
Gore / The Body Shop is a "Category: A neglected bad movie classic that
deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following."
Classic Horror
has the plot: "Dr. Brandon (Patterson, under his pseudonym of 'Don
Brandon, America's No. 1 Magician') mourns the death of his wife, but then
reminds himself that he's a mad scientist and he can just resurrect her.
Whether he's actually using her body to do it is unclear, but he does try to
bring some female to life using his patented Jiffy Pop Method of securing the
body under tin foil with duct tape and then switching on the electrical
whirligigs. He leaves the microwaves on too long, though, and the body just
burns. Oh, well. Hunchbacked assistant Gregory (Roy Mehaffey) just drops the
failure in the requisite vat of acid. Brandon begins anew, taking the best
parts from different, fresher specimens. Oh boy..."
He finally succeeds and creates Anitra (Jenny Driggers,
who went on to appear in Jim Cinque's Night of the Cat [1973 / funky soundtrack]).
The Original Trailer to
Dr. Gore:
Blood Diner
(1987, dir. Jackie Kong)
Considering we saw this film years ago, we
are amazed that we didn't immediately link this prime slice of mid-80s
exploiter to HGL's Blood Feast (1963). But then a light went on when we read the following
in a talk transcribed at Cinema Knife Fight:
"I thought it [Blood Feast II
(2002)] was a fun enough sequel, packed with plenty of classic Lewis-splatter
and goofiness, although I thought Jackie Kong's unofficial 1987 sequel, Blood
Diner, was a much better film."
Later we read somewhere that Blood Diner
actually began as a sequel, but was changed when agreements could not be
reached between the original makers and the new ones; other sites, on the other
hand, simply claim the film is simply an homage or "inspired by" —
who cares, the link is obviously there when you watch the movie.
"We interrupt this program to give you
an important news bulletin: A suspect in the Happy Times All-Girls Glee Club
slaying has fled the scene and managed to elude the police. He is armed and
dangerous, and has been spotted in the West Side area, armed with a meat
cleaver in one hand and his genitals in the other."
Radio News Broadcaster
366 Movies
has the plot: "At the direction of their uncle Anwar (Drew Godderis), a
talking brain in a jar, two restaurateur brothers [Michael (Rick Burks, 27 July
1960 – 19 Feb 1989) and George Tutman (Carl Crew of The Secret Life:
Jeffrey Dahmer [1993 / full film])]
assemble a vessel composed of body parts harvested from immoral women to
receive the spirit of the ancient Egyptian goddess Sheetar (Tanya Papanicolas).
They are opposed by a pair of mismatched cops (LaNette LaFrance and Roger
Dauer) and the owner of a rival vegetarian restaurant intent on
stealing their secret recipe. After many bloody murders, they must
complete only the last ritual, a 'Lumerian feast' where Sheetar will take the
life of a virgin, along with the attendees at the banquet."
Trailer to
Blood Diner:
The Worldwide Celluloid Massacre
rates Blood Diner "Of Some Interest", claiming it's "Dumb
splatter fun wrapped in one of the happiest gore movies ever made."
TV Guide,
on the other hand, gives it one star and bemoans, "Although directed by a
woman, Blood Diner's consciousness is no more heightened than that of I Spit on
Your Grave (1978 / trailer)
or Maniac (1980 / trailer).
[...] Moreover, director Kong injects the sort of contempt for the original
material that ruins most horror satires. There's nothing the least bit
redeeming about Blood Diner."
We have to admit that when caught the
flick, aside from the '80s LA and the gore and the humor, we really dug all the '80s
fashion and found the untrimmed bush, well, extremely noticeable if nothing
else. We would watch it again, in any event (the film, we mean).
Director Jackie Kong's
other movies include the odd but aggravating bad horror movie The Being (1983 /
trailer)
and two unmemorable comedies, Night Patrol (1984 / trailer)
and The Underachievers (1987 / full movie).
Since then, she's not really done anything in the film biz and has reached a
level where a fact like "Her mother Anita was a friend of Marlon Brando"
is considered noteworthy enough to be added to her imdb Trivia page. Her bio
page there seems to be all wrong,
and she might currently be a real estate agent.
Blood Diner was written by Michael Sonye,
better known as Dukey Flyswatter, who has appeared in an occasional movie,
ranging from Surf Nazis Must Die (1987 / trailer)
to Bettie Page: Dark Angel (2004 / trailer);
he was also a supposed co-scribe of the unbelievably incompetent slice of
entertaining shit that isFrozen Scream
(1975 / trailer)
and did music for the simply crappy indi-horror, The Dead Hate the Living
(2000 / trailer).
Blood Diner (unlike Jackie Kong's other three films), was not produced by her then-husband,
Bill Osco, better known as the producer of the "first" modern feature
porno movie with a plot Mona: The Virgin Nymph (1970), the classic
soft-core comedy Flesh Gordon (1974 / trailer),
the entertaining and odd Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy (1976
/ trailer), and more. Instead, Jimmy Maslon was the man. He later also produced Blood Feast 2: All U
Can Eat (2002), among other stuff, and co-directed Herschell Gordon Lewis: The
Godfather of Gore (2010).
